My son has become stubborn...

I just cannot imagine a mom doing this.He is a kid and how could you ever do this.You have totally put me off.Look at the kid's inncocence.He comes and hugs you even after that.That is the reason elders say Kids and God have same quality.Look at that inncocent small body.He needs a mom and not a hitler.Just spare him.All will go well.:rant

 

Muskaanys,

Are you in the right state of your mind? Pouring hot wax on a 3 yr old?!!! Does not matter whether you cried with him after or before. For God's sake, come to senses. I am sorry about my tone, I can't help it.

You can discipline a child without even raising your voice. But before you even worry about that toddler, I would suggest you rethink your belief in spanking the kid.

 

2-3 drops on his hand????

what was it? drops of wax? sorry if I mistook what you meant.

 

I just had to step away from this thread for some minutes to calm myself!

Here are some tips:
When your '3 yr old' DS throws a fit,
like for example, he demands a cartoon at odd hour,
let him watch it that one time. But lay the rules: "From Tomorrow, We will watch cartoon only at this certain hour".
Remind him of the rule on and off that day. Get him to agree.
Next time when he throws a fit and demands TV,
Hold his hands in an assuring way. Look at his eyes and speak calmly.
Tell him, "DS, Did you forget what we decided Yesterday? This is not the time to watch. You can either read a book or play with mommy or cry at that corner."
Be gentle yet firm. Let him choose.

It worked well with my kid. He listens to me if I make sense. Yes, if I can give him a logical reasoning, he accepts it. Kids do reason out things and they learn fast.

So instead of under-estimating your toddler by resorting to 'punishments - the barbaric ways' believe in his capability to understand 'actions and consequences'. When you yell/hit/pour hot wax(sorry, I am still not out of that shock) that LO is hearing your actions much more than your words.

After few tries, you both will learn to handle yourselves and each other.

Good Luck!

 

Muskaan. You are the adult in the relationship. I dont see why you need to let your child hurt you or hit you. When he is getting physically violent, put a distance between you and him, restrain him, give him a time out to calm himself down. If you are angry yourself, give yourself a time out before you deal with the situation.
I know branding with hot ladle/candle wax and belts were all used once upon a time to discipline children, today it can bring you a hell a lot of trouble and borders on abuse. So find a way to handle your anger and guilt as the adult in the relationship, count to 10, take a deep breath, take yourself away from the room, switch off the TV (actually totally avoid TV if you can: cartoons are very violent and yet you wonder where he could have learned to be violent.) Teach him to count to 10, show him other ways of handling frustration like may be pummeling his pillow or have a good cry or just run off his frustration around the apartment block. Get him a book on managing anger that is meant for 3 year olds. (I just got one for my son too.)
I have a 3 year old who never went through terrible twos. Three happened and he is constantly trying to push boundaries. It is a challenge to show them the boundaries without losing your cool, but isnt that what an adult should do?
If you are going to condition your child into accepting physical punishment as the only way of handling someone who does not agree with you then what is to stop him from hitting you when he is the adult and you are dependent on him. IMO, childhood corporal punishment is the reason for the increase in reportage of elder abuse. Break that cycle of violence now.

 

ohhh I thought I didnt understand it right.. when I wrote my post no one had replied to this thread and look at the time I took to read and re-read the OP, before actually submitting my post.. ohh Muskaan were you thinking you were doing something right?

 

Muskaan,

Everybody else has given good pointers.

I would just like to know, why is he behaving violent. there is a difference between being stubborn and violent. he is just 3.2. is he the only child at home??

wanting his way around and refusing to be denied is different.

did you find out if something has happened at school, like being reprimanded to stop crying and sit in one place or something on those lines.
a child who did not know how to pinch does not learn just like that. it is something he observes.

If you are frustrated at not being able to solve the puzzle, remember you are not alone, lot of us go through this phase of solving what works best with our child. take time, observe your child, talk to him, play with him, and do find out what is troubling him. maybe some other child or a teacher with whom he is not happy. these things may look trivial, but do affect the child.

coming to the candle bit, I don't have anything to say...I know of parents who abuse the child and then put medicines, cuddle and try to erase their own guilt by doing things. it is a vicious cycle. do not go into that, it not only harms your emotional quotient, it will also make your child more aggressive in the end.

 

muskaan,

It is good to know, that the problem was at school.

this is a classic example of how children absorb and imitate.

But let me tell you hurting your child, whatever be the mistake does not warrant abuse from us. i don't advocate spanking or hitting. learn to control your anger/frustration and remember he is a child who is still learning to assert that he is a grown up...

I have seen one parent in my apartment when i was in muscat, just putting a hot rot on the thigh of her 3 year old, the child came running to our home crying that her mom did it..when i asked the mom, why she did it, she said, that her child did not listen to her, and was pestering her and not giving her a moment of peace (she was actually exaggerating and expecting too much from her child, as i have never seen a more disciplined child) and the reason she did it on the thigh is it will not show out..i was like OMG for many days.. in this case, we were there as neighbors where the girl could run to and cry for attention.

when we stay away from the support system, we need to be cautious of punishing a child even verbally, as the child needs to vent it out.

sorry, the first post was to just tell you i could relate to your guilt, and did not want to add to it. this post is just to show, that from a third person and a mom it looks really bad. and kids never forget this type of abuse.