Feel worn out in lif

my Dh suffers from hyper thyroidism. We used to follw ayurveda until we were in India. Wehen we took this to ayurveda doc, he asked us to religiously follow allopathy as the TSH levels were way too abnormal. So, we are v. much stuck with allopathy.

But, my dh has realised the value of being patient , and i am being suppportive of him for the past 4 years. My son is 6 years old and we're here in US for the past 2 years. I threw my career. I've almost trashed it .

I had a hobby - sewing. While my son was 2.5 yrs old, i started sewing for my friends for half the rate. I accepted the offers as and when my son was fine. I was doing the same in US too. Of late, i do lots of volunteering work for my son in school, so i've stopped acceptibng any such offers. When in school, i also learnt shlokas , and in order to teach the Hindu moral values easily i started freee shlokha class for him & his friends. The only fees was prasadhams. I had learnt to bake cakes using Mrs. Chitvish's forum and how else would i make the best use of my cullinary skills? . If we were to eat all of these junks, u know where we would get admitted to.

So, there are many ways to keep u engaged. When u get y'r career in way of family life, u view the other partner as a competitor; and y'r partner hates being viewed so, and hates to view the other one so. We're born as human beings. We 'll have to accept a few imperfections here and there. After all, all of us have it. The moment we hear the name of in-laws, we feel insecure, and for a few men working wife is an allergy. U can't help, u'll have to accept a feww utter truths in life. Stop being his peer / competitor , and i fell , y'r life sh'd be fine. Y'r insecurity drives u out to find a suitable career, upon which his insecurity is awakened [ in my belief], resulting in a vicious circle, resulting in a total chaos for u all, especially the little one. Instead, heal y'rself and try to see [k] love in y'r partner, he is after all a lovable human being [ we sympathise even with serial killers - he is y'r dh; he sh'd have done enough good things to u for sure. Lean on him, trust him and u'll find loads of love and happiness in y'r life and y'r son will thank u enough for that sacrifice [ if u want to call it so ] for aeons to come.

i saw y'r other post , which u've stared today. This is my response to both of them. Pls don't forget, if u've enough to complain, he 'll have double of that stufff. If u 've enough to praise , he'll have millions not to praise, but to do. JMO.

 

Sorry kavya,

i didn't read y'r older posts. This is just not my forum . My interest are sewing, cooking, embrooidery . Of late, i had seen ILites offering divorce as a resort for anything and everything. So, i started saying my views too in this forum.

If i'm right, u had lost y'r father during y'r childhood. I beg y'r pardon if i'm wrong. Whatever u've stated about u'r dh and inlaws holds good with mine too and from whatever i've heard from my friends , it is true of most of teh ppl , particularly tamilians. I'm not gaoing to state my story, but it also had all the masala that u've said except that he didn't threaten to slap my mom. Till date, he couldn't stand my ppl , becos he was feeling bad [ in my terms, jealousy ] as his family was not too close .

I don't know how u had resisted y'r dh. As with me, he laid all the rules, i promptly got a promise from him that he would stick to it too. I can understand y'r pain. None of us would have forgotten the fight for independence. It was only Ahimsa, but the mighty army surrendered to it. The essence of ahimsa is what i'm asking u to follow. Whatever u 're not convinced with, do not accept it.

I'm just saying, the gross form of y'r problem may be different for different women, but the finer details are the same.

 

kavya,

am extremely sorry. I think i totally got confused with some other ILites post. In case u're religously inclined, i would recommend reading The Bagavad Gita. If u've already read and are practicing it, i would recommend, Ramana Gita or " Talks " book , which is a collection of conversation of Ramana maharish and various ppl. If u've not read The Bagavad Gita, and are wondering where to get one, i shall recommend that u visit the forum " Chitvish on Bagavad Gita. It is wonderful to start with. But, pls also try to follw The Gita, in case u're willing , for Gita is more practical than just theoretical.

 

Sabarimathi, it was nice reading your posts, your thoughts, experience, with so much negativity around the world, around every relations, how to get positive thoughts ? I have a friend in India, married for 17 years,
he has a very abusive wife , he said after first year of marriage he was getting warning signs, that something is not wrong, she was later developed or diagonised with OCD for 2-3 years or even more, he was like prisoner in his home with his son. somehow OCD went away, not sure how, he is not aware, because when he tried all medications, hospitalisation route, he did not get results. he said once he took his wife to a specialist and the doctor asked him to take her back, the reason, she was acting smart in front of doctor, to make him believe that she has come to him on request of her husband and that everythign is ok with her, this was her attitude.

My friend told me , that there is nothign he has not done in relation, he said he has been so good with her and her parents, that he even took loan from his employer to tune of 3 lakh to get his FIL operated when he was sick, till date they have not paid him back , all he expected was a calm home and healthy relations, he said he was of the opinion that if you be good with someone who is bad, the bad will one day realise and change, he said that philosophy he adoped with his wife, until recently when we gave up after so long, he got to know that goodness can be seen as weakness, as a failure that a person cannot do anything. For other person to recognise that he or she has got a good husband or wife needs wisdom. If that is missing no amount of goodness will help the relation.

You have mentioned about Geeta, Lord Krishna keeps counseling Arjun to keep fighting or to fight it out and not give in to emotions, not to be soft to those who have harmed, who are wicked, Arjun was like questioning, instead of fighting with people who are in our family, I better take Sanyasa. he was of renunciation type but Krishna was warrior type. If Arjun would have backed out even out of goodness is it not possible it would have been regarded as his weakness by Kauravas? in all possibility I feel yes, looking at the nature of Dhuryodhana, he would have declared him as a weaker and loser, that is how the world is, how is a bad going to appreciate good ness?

 

Hi Tridevji,

Thank u. Gita is to be first read, contemplated upon and applied. It is abstract , at first, , upon practice in everyday life and further contemplation leads to the desired goal. I was actually working on intuition. I was able to apply it in married life b'cos i was following it even before marriage , and hence my dh had to finally succumb to his mistakes.

Coming to y'r last question, it is true if u don't apply Gita. But, there is a v. simple truth here , which is easily understood with living examples like Mahatma Gandhiji. Though being assaulted by the Britishers, and suffering in jail , he never feared to say " Quit India movemebnt" . How so ever he was treated, he didnot raise an arm against Britishers, but rather the britishers got offended. Had the revolt been missing, britisheres would have trashed gandhiji. So, the fight sh'd be kept alive, at the same time the righteousness and compassion.

To know that the evil is also a human being and to acknowledge his wweakness too is humaneness. Now, if u still want a still indepth, i would recommend Swami Vivekananda's works, wherein in A particular chapter on Karma-yoga, he has said about " REsist not evil", one of the famous paras that influenced my life. Vivekananda's one more is " fear nothing, except God ". Finally, my goal was mukthi, so i sincerely , religiously followed all their nuances. My dh, though physically abused me the whole of the night, didn't get what he aimed for. Even after that, i said i shll not yield to those rules when i feel it is not right. He failed with me. None of his selfish ideas survived. Rather, he was afraid of me.

 

Sabasimathi ji, I though understand your perspective, so you are kind of suggesting a bad person will become good eventually, that is exactly what did not happen in my friends case which I narrated , also does this mean that if someone is abusing other, the victim should just be strong and not give in, to keep living in hell with a hope things will fall in place . I know you may be trying to explain as better , but still its confusing, as all circumstances and people are not always same. Like marriages happen, divorces too happen. who can stop them.?

I have read about Vivekananda and his works, I do remember that part you mentioned, I will read it again. thanks, but if you can share your experience how you applied would be great.