Inlaws not talking to me

apunegirl · Mar 19, 2010

hi ILs,
I have a thought which is bugging me in my day-to-day life.
Do I have to ask my inlaws to have breakfast,lunch,coffee in evening forever?They have been here for couple of weeks with my SIL's family.
Actually they came to USA for helping in my delivery.I am pregnant now.
I feel very artificial to ask them to eat and drink for each meal right from morning to evening(I spend my daytime in SIL's house till evening everyday)
First of all my MIL,FIL have arrived to stay with me and help me in my pregnancy.As MIL is cooking for all always(SIL and her DH are jobholders.SIL has 2 kids of 9 years boy and 4 years girl.My MIL has to feed the 2 kids and SIL's DH before they go to school,office and even after they are back to home in evening) ,how can I ask them to have food as if I have prepared the food from scratch?
The result of this dilemma is MIL,FIL ignores me completely after their lunch is over.This ignoring continues till my DH comes to pick up and get back to our home.Now how they ignore?I feel the difference in their response when I ask them to drink coffee in evening.they neither tell yes or no nothing.just ignore my question totally.when my DH comes from office and sits with them,they talk normal things(only with him again.)I am not included here.no way.All this normal talk happens when I am sitting right infront of MIL,DH.they both sit in same sofa/couch.
Now what should I change in me and my behaviour.One thing I can tell is I cant move so fast in kitchen and complete the work nor atleast stand in kitchen for long time as I am in last month of pregnancy.
I dont have my parental support.I miss my mother a lot.My father is not in this world.My mom is in india but she cannot come to me right now because of dowry issues with DH and his parents.

It has become quite a long post.Please help me to find why my inlaws are not talking to me in a normal fashion.:bonk

lavii · Mar 19, 2010

i am so sorry for your plight
but please ignore them
let them have food whenever they want you stop asking them now
they are no more guests and came to help you and in 9th month i could imagine how difficult it could be for you to do everything
do as much as you can you eat sleep take care have rest
forget about them

sita2223 · Mar 19, 2010

Why do you let your ILs bother you, esp in the last month of your pregnancy? Don't expect them to talk to you and give company. Read pregnancy books, novels or comics. If you have a laptop, take it with you to your SILs house and engage yourself in something.

If your DH asks why you want books/laptop, tell him that ILs don't talk to you... so you would like to NOT go to SILs house, but since you don't want to offend your ILs, you would go but will take books/laptop with you.

shrutidunwoody · Mar 20, 2010

Hi friend

If your inlaws dont talk to you then why do you bother to go to sil ' s place and see their faces from morning to evening. You can sit at home nicely , read good books , watch good movies , talk to your mom on phone , browse some things on laptop. By evening your dh will be there.

You have to be happy during your pregnancy time. If you are not having a good time with your inlaws and they make fuss for small small issues then why you have to go dear.

My inlaws never used to talk to me when they came to visit me and my dh . During day time i also used to feel very sad and evening when my dh used to come they used to talk to him a lot. I already told my husband that i want my parents for my delivery.

Actually you should have called your mom for your pregnancy. But anyways dear just ignore them. Just pretend to be busy . take care of your health and dont worry too much. Just be happy.

Malavika81 · Mar 20, 2010

I thought most women would pop open a bottle of champagne and celebrate if in-laws are not talking to them? What are you sad about OP? LOL

Tara09 · Mar 20, 2010

apunegirl said: ↑

hi ILs,
One thing I can tell is I cant move so fast in kitchen and complete the work nor atleast stand in kitchen for long time as I am in last month of pregnancy.
I dont have my parental support.I miss my mother a lot.My father is not in this world.My mom is in india but she cannot come to me right now because of dowry issues with DH and his parents.

It has become quite a long post.Please help me to find why my inlaws are not talking to me in a normal fashion.:bonk
Click to expand...

First, HUGS TO YOU!! And congratulations on almost being called a mother.

Why are you going to your SILs house everyday? Just stay at your place and take care of yourself while they are all gone to your SILs place.
Tell your husband frankly you do not want to go there and you are better off at your house. Let your inlaws go there if they wish. That way you get time to read, watch your favorite shows/movies on TV and do things of your interest without interruption.
Girl, you need to be assertive.

Don't think too much on these lines. Take care of your health and sleep well.
I feel for you. How much you might be missing mom in these days but you can always come here for moral support. We are all like your good friends here.

Foundlove · Mar 20, 2010

Dear Punegirl,

First of all don't bother with PILs ..if they are ignoring you ..you also ignore them.Start telling hubby that this going back n forth is too much trouble and is causing swelling,this,that and other...

Stay at home be peaceful..post on IL and be happy.

The coming months are going to be hectic....so don't worry read about how to handle a baby.

Since they are talking about dowry..they are bad people so avoid them...

Lots of love n luck..
FL.

kitty123 · Mar 20, 2010

Tell your dh how uncomfortable you are the whole day. You shouldn't be worrying at this stage of pregnancy. From tomorrow, just say you feel comfortable at your house and so will not accompany them.
Prepare yourself small, healthy lunch and be happy that they are away for the day. Read, listen to music and talk to your baby!!!

pman16 · Mar 23, 2010

Instead of probing into why they are ignoring you and disturbing your peace of mind at this stage of pregnancy, its better you start avoiding them and concentrate on yourself.There are no solutions to some problems so let it remain like that. Life is more beautiful minus these issues and you have to understand it.

Believe that you can change yourself the most and not people around you.

Have positive thoughts and carry on with your life.Have a safe pregnancy.