Newly married....6 months back...needs some advise...Thanks

Hi Nami

First i would say you not worry

Honestly same exp for my freind.
He is muslim and married hindu girl by love

Both family are orthodox and they from south TN.You know how south TN people are and they have family culture.sociiet and all etc

They got 2 kids.. he is my freind an di helped his marraige. he is in dubai now

They moved out from both family and living alone

After 4 to 5 years the girl family joined step step by step..thta is long process .but good news they joined

now they are coming and going

my freind is first person in his family and the girl is first in her family ..OMG
she has another sister.. thisnk the situation.. u know they are mukkulathor..now understand how trouble we faced

so when kids come you will be ok and am sure you will happy wthhh all families

Trust me if you wnat both family happy get baby soon or if u want ur happy only wait for 4 years
let m eknow how i can help

 

Hi Nami,

Firstly Congratulations on your wedding!!!! ur concerns&fears are very normal for every new bride(may be more in urcase as u r into inter-religious marriage). Stay :cool2:and enjoy your married life,dont stress too much by thinking&planning each and every thing in life(We shd plan certain things&rest we shd leave it for time)..Prioritize things in life dear..

Good luck

 

1) Yes your husband is right. Take life as it comes. If you plan too much ahead, when it
doesnot happen in future, you will get upset about it.
2) Even though your dh says don't go to his parents etc., do call them time to time and let dh know
about it. That every one is doing good (don't say they didnot talk etc., you know the drift)
3) Do visit his parents whenyou go to India(stay for a day or two, keep yourself involved, even though
they do not want you to)--your ultimate goal is to make your husband happy kwim??
4) Intimacy will come in time even if you have a baby, don't worry about it.
5) Right now you sound like you are overwhelmed. Take time and try to get your mind off the things for a
while and be happy.

 

Nami

Married life happy always adjust and pateince

is ur MIL family talking to your DH? then do not give more attention on that calls . just be pateince

As i said please plan for baby for your situation..yes baby is the solution

Smile and talk nice with hubby ..do not be emotional or donot talk sensitive issues with him for time period

Because,, ppls can change hi smind.. but if he is strong enough you never worry

Everything wil be alright over period of the time

B happy

 

Sounds like you have a kind, loving and supportive husband. Half the battle is won. Enjoy and do not worry too much. As far as making home etc, there are a lot of forums on IL for cooking, organizing etc and people will help with specific questions you have on such topics.

 

Nami, first of all congratulations! I hope you have a great married life.

I think you are worrying too much about asking him for help etc etc. Since its been 6 months, I am fairly sure that by now you know at least few habits of your DH. If both of you are working, it is important that you share the house hold work also. Else, you will end up cooking/cleaning/working full time which will not leave you any time for yourself. If you don't want sound like you are nagging, perhaps you can suggest things like...example: if you are doing dishes, you can ask him if he would like to help wash them while you soap them (so that you finish work soon and cuddle)? If you are doing laundry, you can ask him if he would kindly put them in drier/bring them upstairs etc etc. this way, he will slowly get into the habit of house hold work while not taking offense.

Also remember, if he is not completely cooperative in the beginning, it could be because he had seen his parents in certain way and is unconsciously following their example.Usually in orthodox families, women tend to do the house hold work while men earn the living (usually). So, for him to start helping you out will take time and effort from your side.

Also, don't worry too much about kids. Since you are planning after 4 years, you still have time to prepare yourselves financially and emotionally. Initially even I used to be scared like you. Now after 2 and half years of being married, I realized that I want a baby soon. When you get into the "motherhood-mood" you will know it and you will be able to recognize the feeling.

Its a good thing that you have read a lot about religion (etc) before getting married. This way you know what to expect. In fact this is what every one should do.

Don't get overwhelmed. You will find the balance. As for keeping your marriage happy, you will slowly start to recognize what upsets him, what makes him happy etc etc.Depending on that you will know what to do. I am not saying dont be yourself, I am just saying, be conscious of a few things.

Even if you in-laws are not supportive right now, I think you should make an effort from your side from time to time. Like wishing on birthdays/anniversaries etc.

 

Nami,

it seems that you have a great husband who cares very much for your well being (physical and mental). as long as you both keep communicating your needs and wants to each other, I don't think you will have a problem. Life will not always be so pretty as the honeymoon stage but it will be a rewarding one - containing many years of happiness, sadness, joys and every other emotion man has in him.

Also, remember that years down the line, your sexual intimacy may not be as grand is it once was, but that has nothing to do with the love you both share. Enjoy your married life and may God (regardless of religion following) bless you with many wonderful years together.

 

Regardless of what he told you & regardless of what you got convinced about, you need to be prepared to raise 100% islamic kids & be also prepared to see your kids making fun of your religion. No matter what your DH says now & in the next four years, no matter what you tell yourself to believe otherwise, your kids will grow up with islamic names & practicing islamic children. This WILL happen, so the sooner you come to terms with this, the less relationship issues you shall face later on. Also, the very fact that his parents are against you currently is the strongest indicator that your kids will be raised as muslims. Whether you knowing or behind your back, your ILs will at some point in the near future agree to accept you as their DIL only if your DH promises them that the children will be raised as muslims. At that point, your DH will be too happy to accommodate that request!

You have nothing to be worried about. Read, keep reading & read more. Reading opens your mind & expands your knowledge. If you can, read Koran in entirety. He obviously doesnt want you to know what's in Koran.