SIL jealous of her own brother

I think it is between your DH and his sister. As a brother your DH wishes to do his duties which is good.. It is better to snub this issue for your peace :biggrin2:

 

Sita,

How do you know they had a fall-out because of what your SIL said around your wedding ?

How do you know you didnt get stuff because of your SIL's tantrums.. ? How did you know that it is your SIL who is at fault entirely ?

When being adults your hubby and PILs dont think the root of the problem and fight with each other than find out what went wrong ?

If she is cunning and immature, what happened to your ILs and hubby's thinking ? They arent immature right ? If they can get so vulnerable and intimidated by some girl who is soo younger to them, then you cannot blame just your SIL..

I didnt understand this sentence of yours -
DH is willing to fulfill his responsibilities as a brother and buy her sarees/jewelry but refuses to be taken advantage of by his sister.

Did you mean, he is ready to pay for her marriage but is not ready to listen to her tantrums ?? When, he is doing just that ? I mean, had he decided to spend for her marriage before she started th loan tantrums, then I agree .. But of he has decided that he will pay after she said she wanted him to spend, then what is the hue and cry here ?

Or do you mean, he doesnt want to take a loan but will handle the wedding by himself ? Even then what fall out are you talking about ?

I am sorry I dont get it.. Maybe you are trying to say something, but arent clear.

Regardless of wether he takes a loan or not, if he wants to spend for his sister's mariage, what is the issue ? I dont think, you dont want him to spend.. But I dont understand why you expecting a quarel between your FIL and hubby for nothing ?

 

Ok.. you have a whole lott of immature people around you ! :bonk
FIL/ MIL and SIL alongwith a hubby who doesnt want to or feels incapable of confronting..

Taking away the bride's saree is the most absurd thing I have ever heard.. Group of nuts !

Anyways, forget about what happened.

About the marriage.. If your hubby cannot afford to take a loan, then he must simply SAY so. He needs to learn to say NO, Sita. I mean there is no point in just feeling no one understands him and so, not drive the point.

Ok.. if they dont understand his point, it is fine..but that doesnt mean he needs to give into tantrums of his silly sister or really immature parents ! If he says, they arent going to understand , then he needs to face the consequences too. No go. He needs to grow up and REFUSE eird things he cannot afford.

When he talks to his parents, he needs to clearly mention this and this is ALL that he can afford and they shouldnt be acting weird the minute his sister opens her mouth !

If they did, this time, he probably wouldnt even be able to do what he can and wishes to do .. Period.

The more they " yell " and howl without understanding what he tries to say, it might simply mean, that they want to pick up on fights that are useless and would even avoid the wedding.

Bottomline HE NEEDS TO LEARN TO SAY NO WHEN HE HAS TO !

But, Sita.. there is nothing you or me can do here. I can write, you can read,.. but things will be fine only if your hubby understands when he needs to be frank and say NO.

If he thinks it is better to do stuff bending backwards rather than say NO, then this drama will go on and on and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

If they blame you for anything, smile and say, yeah, like I have no better work than get into this whole drama.. Just keep me out of all this, I dont care what you people think about me.

DOnt care, what others thinks about you, Sita. Just prove you are a nice person to be with with your behaviour. People who are important and worth you, wouldnt listen to what others say and judge you .. So, dont give such people any undue importance !

Take care..

 

Sita

One point you have to understand here is...your SIL was not born yesterday and this is not new to your husband...they are siblings and they know each others behaviours very well from childhood. Am sure your husband also knows his parents behaviour and how they react to things/people.

Then why are you making it difficult for your husband by raising these behavioural issues??? Yes your SIL is jealous of your husband i.e her brother, then about you then about the whole world..so who cares???

I guess you have stop bothering how she behaves, and what tantrums she throws at others, and best way to deal with such people is do what you can and rest listen and ignore!!!! I am saying listen to them because being a sibling and son its your husbands responsibility to be there for them either physically/emotionally...so lending a empathetic ear to their tantrums is ok as we know they are just tantrums and ignore and move on with your life...

If you could stop botheirng about these issues and what others/world thinks about you/your husband and let your husband also have some peace of mind, even if he feels bad for such situations, you have to tell him that these behaviours cant be changed over night or over a day or a month or a year...it takes lots of work that too from both sides...so STOP expecting her or someone else to change...

When you know its bothering you, then distance yourself, and stop making this topic spoiling your happiness. Do what you can and convey the same and you can STOP all the silly fights and tantrums they throw at you..as you wont react to them anyways...Remember if you react to them or explain to them about their tantrums, its like encouraging them to behave the same way over n over again!!Dont give undue attention to silly things and you would see how easy it is to deal with such difficult people.

 

Unfortunately some issues dont have too many options, Sita. Even if they did, there are very few things you as a DIL can do.

But, I dont understand how it is a win-win situation for your SIL if you break up with the family by saying NO. You mean, she would want that ? I mean, think about it, Sita .. If parents are ready to give up on their own son because of some stupid tantrums from their daughter.. then do you think the relationship is even worth it ? Whatever said and done, there is very very little you can do. Either your SIL needs to grow up or your PILs need to. You dont see either happening isnt ? What would you do, if your sister was so and your parents supported her blindly ? You either give up or just give in isnt ?

P.S - Sita, you mentioned elsewhere that people ( we, I assume) dont understand what you going through and may find it silly. Had we, members found it silly then, we wouldnt be spending our time and mind over your thread isnt ? So, just because we ask you whys and whens doesnt mean, your issue is silly. It simply means, the member wants to understand the issue clearly. Or if you expect only people who go through situations like yours would understand you well, then we wouldnt have so many success stories in IL .. from members who have got many advices from strangers who have gone through no problems on their own. Please understand and value the members who spend time on writing back to you, even if it is - How I wish your problems sort out , i pray God.

Thanks.