How to cope up with "MARITAL STRESS" Self help tips plz..

I too want that inevitable mantras, please share ladies....

 

Dealing with hubby -

1. Sugar coat criticism. Rather than saying you are so bad, so not helpful say it will be nice if you could do so and so.
2. Never criticize inlaws. That is only to be done with your friends and your own family members who know how to keep secrets.
3. Have your own life apart from DH and family. Your own interests, hobbies, friends. Spend time, money, effort on yourself no matter what the in-laws say. It will make you feel good and develop self-respect.
4. As much as possible, try to connect emotionally with DH. I am still figuring out how to do this after almost 8 years of marriage.
5. try to understand yiur hubby's nature and then deal accordingly with situations. if he is the communicative type, talk a lot. if he is like mine, not a big talker, actions work louder than words. if he sees me being nice to his parents despite their crap, he wont say anything but his behavior to me changes. I am happy with that .


Dealing with Inlaws

1. Keep your mouth shut no matter how irritating they are. This is for day to day matters. When it comes to important things, state your viewpoint politely and without emotions. Basically pick and choose your battles. Your MIL wants pooja done a certain way, no big deal. She bitches about your mom, you need to let her know it is not acceptable.
2. In hindi there is a saying, sunna sabki karna manki. IL's will talk does not mean you have to do everything they say. In through one ear, out the other. Do what you want to do but keep your mouth shut!
3. If they irritate the hell out of you keep your mouth shut and give them a few choice galis in your mind.
4. Physical excercise, even a 15 minute walk everyday is a must. If you can do yoga/meditation it also helps in dealing with marital stress.
5. Believe in yourself and your goodness. Self respect is the key to feeling good. Don't let what others say influence your self-respect.
6. Communicate your boundaries and set expectations clearly. In my case, when I got married, I only did things that I could maintain long term and did not try to be the perfect DIl when it came to clothing, cooking, household chores etc. That way they cannot say later she used to be so good but now ...tch tch.

 

dear pmahensa,

thanks for writing so elaborately. I think you have covered most of things in my mind

Anyway here are few of mines

1. Guys dont undertand if we remain quiet about certain things. They need to be told specifically (whereas we girls think, they shld undstd on their own)

2. If your bog down by chores, takes helps of maids (no one is going to appreicate you even i you do single handedly,yes that is very true)

3. Give some space to husband, like once in a while let them hang out with their friends. Dont be possesive about him all the time.

4. Like Pmahensa said cultivate your own hobbies and friend circles.

5. Keep yourself fit and in shape (This is more for yourself, the more fit you are, the more confident you will be)

6. If you have kids, take help of hsuband if possible. Fix some chores for him to do, (that way they will be also involved mroe with kids)

7. LAst but not least, take life as it comes. Be confident and move ahead

 

I think it helps to take 1week break stay awaying from your spouse. Forget your everyday routine and do something fun and relaxing for you - eg: go window shopping, just roam around , go to a spa and pamper yourself, catch up with your old friends - go out for a movie and dinner with them. Just concentrate on yourself for this 1 week without your spouse .

In 1 week, you will feel fresh,rejuvinated and cheerful. Also, often people tend to take their spouse for granted. So, when you stay away from your spouse, you will miss him/her.When you get back after a week, most probably you will be a bit more in love than when you left.:thumbsup JMO

 

My advice would be somewhat different from the others, not sure whether this is useful or not for you.

I used to feel more stressed and upset if I keep quit after any unwanted incidents. I feel like I want to express out my feelings, disapointments and unhappiness if things go madly. So, I used to talk to my DH... A long talk, and sometimes I used to cry, shout, explain, argue but never complain him or use abusive language to hurt him. He knows my nature, so either he explains his point of you or reason out his mistakes or apologise:bonkBut this really makes me relaxed after a huge mental stress

If my DH is not ready to respond to my calls (sometimes he does it purposely to avoid any conflicts by saying he is busy or travelling etc...) then I write everything here in this forum and get the advises, knowledge and care from my cyber friends like you

Similary, if I have problems with ILs (mainly FIL), i used to inform my DH about the matter, but never fight or complain as it might hurt him. But I call my mom or my best friend and vent out all my frustrations/anger and everything to them. They give me advice on how to handle or how to react. This vanishes off all my stress, so I become normal and act wisely within a short intervel

Moreover, I used to give silent treatments to my DH whenever I feel like he is going far from me (emotionally). This helps a lot for my mental satisfaction also for our love life. He used to come back to me with apologies.

 

Almost everything that Pooja said .. + get ear plugs when ILaws are around & a silencer when only DH is around!!!!

Also step down 1 more level of expectations (imaginary ladder) from ppl around if you feel that ur getting a raw deal.

 

Thanks a lot for nice tips, i think i should have got these useful tips 2 yrs back then i would have not gained weight bcoz of marraige stress. VERY useful info :rotfl