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What kind of hubby is this????

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sridivya, Jan 12, 2010.

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  1. natpudan

    natpudan Gold IL'ite

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    Sri Divya,

    I understand your feelings.

    You are a person who would like him to share a few responsibilities, discuss, organize and take a mutually acceptable solutions.

    He is the type that he has graciously accepted that you are better than him and leaves everything to you.

    He is also giving credit to you by disclosing that he doesn't know anything amongst friends & family.

    That's something that needs appreciation. Mostly you will see hubbies acting that they know better than the wives and try claiming all the credits.

    Forget what others think or talk about. You will not be having arguments, fights etc. on how to do, who will do....

    If you take it as your profession then you wouldn't mind.

    Like someone mentioned you can try involving him on small things & motivate him to do.

    He is not used to do all these, either he was brought up like that and no one asked him to do, or he feels inferior and not confident.

    it's only your feeling that what others will think, end of the day there is peace at home.

    Imagine how his friends will talk about him, his inefficiency, dominating wife, etc.

    Friends might have made fun of him for sure. But still he didn't take them seriously or complains about. He trusts that you will do the best.

    Slightly change your thinking & try changing him for your satisfaction. But don't blame him because you would have done it better for sure.

    This is my view.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2010
  2. Happysoul1234

    Happysoul1234 Gold IL'ite

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    So like the other ladies have said, you are not alone in this situation. I think it's because as women, we are born multi-taskers and perfectionists, whereas men can only do one thing well at a time. If they see us taking care of things well, they tend to step back and let us do it.(Unlike our dear MIL's who will have to criticize us ;-) ).

    In my case, I work full-time, but from home. So what do i do? While my programs are running, I run and spend time with my son, go make lunch, do the laundry etc, pay bills, plan vacations etc. I am doing something or the other all the time, balancing work and home responsibilities. What does DH do? Gets up, has breakfast, goes to work, comes back, has dinner, watches tv and goes off to sleep. Ahh the luxury of being an Indian male!
     
  3. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    I personally dont see any domination here..
    If the guy had any views or feedback or an opinion which u did not agree to & wanted things to be ur way then ur dominating a person... which is not the case here.
    I'd always seen my dad take initatives for everything at home hence I decided to leave it to my DH for the first year.. but he was just not used to it.. tho we never had clashes but then we used to miss on deadlines becos of hesitation on who'll take the lead & then I knew he wont ever. Even if we went out to eat.. he'd simply have no opinion on what to eat... after spending 1/2 hr on table finally I'd order & then we wud eat.

    If he's left everything to you.. it means he trusts u, doesn't want to be involved in all those things or probably he never played a role of decision maker in his home...

    There are ppl in society/ teams at office who take initiatives to achieve a goal.. they become dominating when they try to supress the desires of any other member in that society/ team.... when ur surrounded by ppl who don't have any opinion or time to contribute then ur simply a LEADER & not a AUTOCRAT.
    My ILs also tag me as dominating and anything that has a negative adjective but then I have only 1 life & I cant waste it seeing my life's train go away in "pehle aap pehle aap"!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  4. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Srividya,

    Natpudan has put in in the right way.

    Exactly.You should be happy that your hubby thinks and accepts that you are better than him.It requires courage to accept this fact in front of everyone for a man:bowdown.And he is showing the world that "see how lucky I am to have such a brilliant wife".Be happy about it.

    Yes, it will be tiresome.But if you treat it like a lovable job I think you will get over that.

    Stop thinking about what others will speak.The people who talk about "hen-pecked" are just jealous.Don't give any importance to that.You have a good hubby and be happy as always!
     
  5. Ajith

    Ajith Silver IL'ite

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    Very difficult to understand women. If the husband makes the decisions they complain, if the husband lets his wife make the decisions they still complain. :confused2:
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2010
  6. priya g

    priya g Senior IL'ite

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    No ajith....women are just tooo deeeep! We are from Venus and men from Mars..remember! :thumbsup
     
  7. sridivya

    sridivya New IL'ite

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    Natpudan, I am flaterred! Thanks!


    Last weekend itself, I got my dose of criticism from MIL. That actually made me start this thread. Anyway, with all your support who cares now about what others think and say!!!! Thanks pmahensa,


    That is so like us..... Thanks shilpama for the response.


    Yeah, bhuvnidhi that is what I am trying to do. Stop thinking what others think and speak. Thanks for the support.


    :rotfl:rotfl Ajith.

    Anyway, I have clearly said in my first post I am not complaining. But, you see, when people talk differently about your way then you tend to think if "maybe just incase maybe they are right too, afterall". So, I have described clearly our way of doing things and wanted to see what ILites think about this. Thanks for your post.

    :iagree Priya.

    Thanks.
     
  8. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    Imagine your hubby is taking all the decisions and u have to go by that, then you will find this present state of affairs far more better... so its just a classic case of grass is greener on the other side.
     
  9. natpudan

    natpudan Gold IL'ite

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    i agree with rosegirl.:thumbsup

    imagine he takes all decisions, messes up.....

    there would have been no change in the TITLE - What kind of hubby is this???????

    but the content would be - he messes up, doesn't involve me, takes all decisions, when messed up puts the blame on me.....:biglaugh
     
  10. GiJoe

    GiJoe Silver IL'ite

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    Why disturb the peace in your family? I believe that a husband and wife should be allowed to do what they are good at when it comes to family, there is nothing like you have to do this and I have to do that, find out what he is good at and allow him to do those things.
     
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