how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cities?

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

Dear renu,

I also have something to share here.

It is about my first time coming to US.It was my first time and i wanted to come from my parents ouse but as usual it was decided that it should be from my in laws house.You know how exciting it will be when we are flying for the first time that too to be with your husband.But no...in my in laws house it was as if they were about to do some ones shradh like that atmosphere.No shopping,no buying sweets or no eating outside (as we wont get gud food here).No excitement at all...

I dont know why they insist that we should be there when they dont even like us???

When i visited india they insisted that i go to their house first but somehow i was v strong and went to parents house.

Hope some day your wish gets fulfilled dear renu.

How i wish i can rewind the clock and make my first journey to US exciting and full of fun..

suji

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

Renu, Am in tears reading this. I have nothing to reply though...

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

I agree with maggie...this post was sad to read for me too.Imagine waiting at the railway station just for a glimpse of the daughter.

suji

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

Renu,

Whenever I go to India with DH or by myself, the rule is I have to go to his house first and spend few days and then go to my place. But my family will always visit me on the day we land at my IL's place and sometimes come to the airport too just to spend the 10 min at the airport. Both houses are in chennai.

Nowadays I follow that rule only if we both go, If I go by myself I go to my house straight from the airport. I reasoned it with DH and we have reached an agreement. I have made 2 or 3 trips by myself with kids and I go to my house from the airport and after few days visit IL's. His parents do not come to see me or kids when I am at my place , like how my family does. But they do try to make this a big issue everytime, but I chose to turn a deaf ear or tell them directly, I am not doing anything different than what your daughters do. They still try to make it as unpleasant as it can be even before I board the plane.

I go with my decision and that gives me peace. Try following this if you make separate trips.

Swaram

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

I think it is best to discuss this with your DH and reach a compromise both of you can live with. I like the idea that if you are going on your own, you should be able to go to your parents' house first.

This is how I deal with it in my own way. If I have to go to IL's hpuse first, it is good. I can spent time then to overcome jetlag, get adjusted to indian time, and then be all fresh and ready to spend quality time with my side of the family and since I have come 'first' to their house, they cannot complain about me not giving them priority. That's what I call killing 2 birds with 1 stone ;-)

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

IT is really sad to read ur post.. My parents and inlaws both r in same city.. My parents (aged in late 70s) used to come and see us in airport and we goto inlaws place first( THUMB RULE of our community-stupid rule).. and we goto our parents place only after few days.. tht too i need to remind my DH so many times tht my parents r waiting to see us.... My inlaws place will always hv some issues, work to do for 24 hrs ,, If nothing they simply raise some stupid irrelevant things and talk for hours(intentionally or not only GOD knows it)... so we wont get time to visit my parents for first 2-5 days , sometime even 1 week.. so for we went 3 times and all the time it happened like this only.. Initially i used to be so sad and cry but no use.. I realised when i feel a lot one way or the other my parents r also getting upset.. SO i stopped crying for all these .. I used to spend 10-15 min in airport talking with my parents .. make them happy and will tell them we will visit after 4 days inadvance so tht i m not making them to expect and feel... it is really bad but i dont want to argue or bring some frustration between me and DH so i just let it go ...

I guess this is wht made me silent : If i wait and go after 4 days my MIL wont create any pbm , my DH will also be happy to come to my parents place and we will hv gud time for the entire trip

If i argue and make him to take me on the same day or next day,he will not be happy, wont talk properly, my inlaws will talk rubbish things in the remaining days.. our trip wont be peacefull...

Everyone will hv different ways to handle this situation, my way is this...to answer ur question - yes definitely i am also feeling bad to goto my inlaws place first.. WISH TO VISIT MY PARENTS FIRST...

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

First 2 times I went alone with just my kid so went to mom's house first and then went to Inlaws house. But if I go with DH, I am sure I have travel 4-5 hours to their place from the airport and set foot at their place only.
Although I live in Chennai and we land there, they will drag us to their place even if its midnight without even freshening up at my parents house.

All this drama happens only in Indian households I guess... I am guessing Westners just get off the flight and go to whoever house is nearby or just crash at a hotel and visit everybody together the next day...

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

I know its very very sad that we have to see our IL's, but my situation is very different. My husband never tells me to go and live with his parents cos he knows that there are issues between and the chances are remote that the issues will ever be resolved. But If I let him go and live with his parents by himself without me being around - I am digging a GRAVE for myself. They discuss me all the time, will keep asking him so what else is new ??? anything fresh from your side?? you don't tell us anything??? you have become a hen pecked husband ??? you are like other men who forget their parents cos of their wife ???? They influence him so much with all the negative things ABOUT ME and BRAIN WASH him that by the time I see him after 7 -10 days of staying apart he's like a pressue cooker and he is ready to burst and he just fights and picks up a fight on smallest issue and anything and everything I say is taken negatively - portraying me as a complete BITCH ! So look at the positive side girls and atleast you dont have to go thru what I hve to after staying seperately. And to be honest cos I know this is what is coming my way after staying away I really dont enjoy the time at my parents house ! Have you got any suggestions for me ???