To Do or Not to Do

ritikasingh · Jan 6, 2010

Hey all,
I am confused about something.. need some advice ..

we have been married for few years now, have two daughters (age 3 n 1)... DH is absolutely wonderful person.. ..very sour relationship with MIL and SIL (FIL passed before wedding).. DH doesnt talk to them because of their awful attitude towards me.. in his words- his mom has other kids also, but his wife (who left her family) has only one husband.. so its his job to stand up for his wife..

Last time MIL visited us in Apr'09.. told us will never talk to us in future.. and she executed that.. We tried to call her multiple times, but she wouldnt come on phone. Since then, I became very close to my husband's cousin sisters... and when they asked us about MIL\SIL.. we told them we dont talk to them ... thats it.. no further explanation.. and it seems, this reached MIL on the new year..She called up everyone and clarified her stand .. said really nasty things about DH & I... but since the world is small n round, this news reached us also.

Anyway, We got a call from MIL on Jan 3rd wishing happy new year.. I dint pick up the call..but heard her VM.. My confusion is:

One side of my brain tells me, dear.. forget everything that happened in past... n move on and talk to her..

second side of my brain tells me.. how can I forget everything.. n especially the fact the she just said so many nasty things about us to her sisters n other relatives two days before calling me.. what is she trying to do.. if she was really interested in wishing us, she would have called us on 1st when she called the entire relative clan ..within US and outside US..

DH neither forces me to call nor stops me from calling them ...He just tells me to do the right thing..

I don't know what to do.. just ignore... or take a step and dial the number..

Any suggestions?

asuitablegirl · Jan 6, 2010

I think your dh should be the one to return her phone call. Keep him inside the loop and make sure he knows at all times what was said, because knowing your mil's penchant for lying, she might try to spin any call you make to her into something bad. So let him make the call, that way there is no confusion later. As for the rumors she is spreading, well you know what they say... dogs will bark. Just ignore it. The people who know you, KNOW YOU, and probably don't believe a word of what she says.

SriVidya75 · Jan 6, 2010

ritikasingh said: ↑

I don't know what to do.. just ignore... or take a step and dial the number..
Any suggestions?
Click to expand...

I agree with ASG

Talk to your husband and both of you together call your MIL and put the phone on speaker. Pls dont try to do it by yourself, you wont know how things would end up after all the messy gossips that floated around.

Your husband should be the first person to talk/interact with your MIL and then YOU. Yes one thing you can do is take initiative and discuss with your husband about his stand on all this.

Ajith · Jan 6, 2010

ritikasingh said: ↑

One side of my brain tells me, dear.. forget everything that happened in past... n move on and talk to her..
Click to expand...

If I were you, I'll talk to her. Granted she was mean and said she would never talk to you. She ate her words, came down and wanted to wish you. Just accept her wish and wish her the same, don't prolong the conversation. You are not gaining anything by not taking her call. Talking over phone is better/easier than talking face to face.

chocolate · Jan 6, 2010

Ritika, I think you can leave the option of calling /not calling to your husband. The best thing wud be to tell that in case he calls his mom, you will also wish her. In that way your husband will feel he has your support and decide the best thing.

Coming to your MIL, Try to be cautious and maintain cordial relation. In that way the situation will never be out of your control and come to big showdowns.You are lucky you have your husband's support.Discuss this and have cordial talks with MIL. Also if it is possible,see if you can involve your SIL/BIL when you talk to your MIL so that there may not be carrying tales to relatives in any turn. Good Luck.

ritikasingh · Jan 6, 2010

Thank you all. I should probably leave it upto my DH to decide until I make my mind.. I should not call half heartily and then regret later. Will keep you all informed.

Thank you once again