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Your married life and your parents....compare...

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by adara, Oct 27, 2009.

  1. Oct 27, 2009 #1
    adara

    adara Bronze IL'ite

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    After living with parents for the first 20-25 years of our life and then getting married and moving out, how do you think you are different...i mean your married life as compared to your parents.
    What made them mad at each other and is that what you inherited from either of them?
    Has that made you learn on how you should avoid some troubles in your married life?

    There are so many questions like this but please just compare and contrast from what you have seen at your mom's house to what you are going through now.

    As for me, hubby is a little like my dad in his thinking so my life is kind of predictable. He is easy going, not much argumentative and kind of laid back attitude. Same as my dad. Mom used to deal with anything financially, socially or anything related to our education etc etc. Dad was just the bread winner of the family. Here, I find hubby kind of like that. He doesnt show interest in social things or kids education. He does the finances though. He is happy if my dd has got excellent grades but not that disappointed if she didn't either. He says I push her a lot but I think I just guide her. Even quizzing her for the next day's test is pushing for him. My dad was also like that. Mom with her limited knowledge would try to help us out or make any external tutor arrangements but dad would not show any interest at all.

    Any arguments over finances or relatives, dad would give up easily and mom would have her way. Here, I find hubby doing something similar. He has no opinion of his own...sometimes I think when it comes to relatives or friends. Regarding finances...no never he has his own way. He doesnt mind my spending but checks now and then.

    Adara

    Adara
     
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2009
    adara, Oct 27, 2009
    adara, Oct 27, 2009
    #1
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  2. Oct 27, 2009 #2
    sandu

    sandu Bronze IL'ite

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    Adara,
    Looks like you have similar personalities in your husband and father. Great! Easy to go with, aren't they?

    My husband is way different from my father. But I cannot really compare them in several respects as the generations have changed. I have much more outside exposure than my mother and therefore can contribute much more views to the decision-making in things like finances, job hunting, etc. My father consults my mom in all important decisions, and also tells her every thing in case he could not consult her about it beforehand. Be it money, relatives, food or children. They always speak to each other. And my mother's opinions are always sought. But the final word has always been my father's, as is very common in their generation.

    My father is quite argumentative, opposite to my husband, who is not so vocal unless terribly upset. My husband has much more patience than my father :thumbsup

    In our generation, in several couples, both contribute to the decision-making. I have a broader outlook than my mother and that also contributes to my different way of looking at things. Comparing my mother's attitude way back to my attitude now (after X years of married life), I find that I am more bold and I stand up for myself compared to her. She had her own set of problems but she chose the quiet way of dealing with them, giving in, being the ideal wife/dil, which I do not find rewarding or practical for my case.

    I hope I have answered your question.
    Sandhya
     
    sandu, Oct 27, 2009
    sandu, Oct 27, 2009
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  3. Oct 27, 2009 #3
    Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Adara,

    In my case it's very different. My mom doesn't know anything and my dad used to manage everything. But at the same time my dad was very easy going and he would say yes to everything whatever we ask, but he not very planning type.

    My husband is very tough guy, he would involve in everything including cleaning (he will not leave any single thing-he will be all over the place) at the same time he shows interest in kids education and he will take care of my girls really good. He feeds them and does everything for them.

    Simply he can't sit a single minute, either he does work or he involves in something else. He has very aggressive personality and very responsible. But my family is kind of very opposite to my husband.

    I feel sometimes difficult to deal with him at the time, the things he does are not negative, just pressure the people to greater extend (like difficult boss).
    :rotfl
     
    Priya16, Oct 27, 2009
    Priya16, Oct 27, 2009
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  4. Oct 27, 2009 #4
    Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    It's like comparing Apples and Oranges.

    It is wrong and one should not do it. Compare one with someone else. It's very unhealthy for any relationship.

    Accept each human being in your life as they are :) Celebrate the goodness in them and adjust/compromise the not so goodness in them if you can. But never COMPARE !
     
    Nandshyam, Oct 27, 2009
    Nandshyam, Oct 27, 2009
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  5. Oct 27, 2009 #5
    adara

    adara Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks sandhu for the response.

    Yeah, nowadays women take active role in decision making and have much to contribute because of better education.
     
    adara, Oct 27, 2009
    adara, Oct 27, 2009
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  6. Oct 27, 2009 #6
    adara

    adara Bronze IL'ite

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    Priya, Your hubby is an all-rounder.....:) Good for you!

    I understand when you say like a 'difficult boss'. One of my friends hubby is just like that and she says "why cant he be a little more care less?":rotfl
     
    adara, Oct 27, 2009
    adara, Oct 27, 2009
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  7. Oct 28, 2009 #7
    adara

    adara Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks Nandu for your response.

    Nandu, This whole topic was started to be taken in a lighter vein. I know comparing is wrong and will never do it.
    When a girl gets married she tries to see how her husband/in-laws are doing things and are they in any way like what her dad/mom used to do?
    I dont know about others but I did that initially. Anyway, down the line I am happy it turned out fine for me and have learnt that each family is different. But there are certain things that are similar with dad and dh. May be your way of reacting to certain situations is same/different as your mom's.
    Some ladies may have totally different experience. This is all to share those.:)
     
    adara, Oct 28, 2009
    adara, Oct 28, 2009
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  8. Oct 28, 2009 #8
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Interesting topic, and I get the idea behind it. You are looking at a general comparison of two marriages we would have witnessed first hand -one as kids in the family, and another where we are the parents.

    It is difficult to compare my marriage to that of my parents or in-laws as the dynamics are completely different. Role definitions were completely different. But, if I think deeper - I think the similarities are that each is very confident about the other and does not question the other's judgement, mutual respect is there. The difference is that the importance given to the woman's preferences and opinions is much higher and obvious.

    We have learnt a lot from the disagreements our parents had with their siblings - so, we don't let money be a factor between us or between us and our families.

    -Rihana
     
    Rihana, Oct 28, 2009
    Rihana, Oct 28, 2009
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