"Your children are not your children"

Kamla · Apr 7, 2006

I wanted to share this poem by Khalil Gibran with all my ILites. This is one of my favorites and I am sure will appeal to all women here. Our 'one man' already appreciates it, I gather....L, Kamla

Children

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]AND a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children. [/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]And he said:[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Your children are not your children.[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]They come through you but not from you,[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You may give them your love but not your thoughts,[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]For they have their own thoughts.[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You may house their bodies but not their souls,[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The Archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Let your bending in the Archer's hand be for gladness;[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Kahlil Gibran; The Prophet[/font]

Chitvish · Apr 7, 2006

Kamla, thankyou so much !

Believe me Kamla, when I say this is one of my most favourite quotes.
When the children are young & need us, we literally give them " our very life" !
But we have to accept that as they grow up, they tend to move away from us towards their own nest. That is the time we realise, that even though they come through us, they do not belong to us, any more.Life goes on with detached attachment - only that is good for them as well as us! Ofcourse, easily said than done, is a different thing altogether !
Love & regards,
Chithra.

meenaprakash · Apr 7, 2006

very true

Dear Kamla,

Thats a beautiful, meaningful, highly intense poem and how true it is!!
If we understand just 50% of it, most of our problems are solved..
But unfortunately, parents just don't let them go out of their clutches and make their lives so suffocating & make both their & the children's life miserable..

Chitra has put it perfect - detached attachment is the best & good for all.
Good one, Kamla...

Kamla · Apr 7, 2006

Yes...

I can only agree with all your sentiments. I read this poem every now and then and am amazed at its stark, piercing lines!

Chitra, ofcourse you would also find this as your favorite poem, should have guessed that! 'Detached attachment'..well said! Isn't that what we 'matured' moms TRY to practice?

Meena, unfortunately many parents cannot understand where and when to draw that thin line when it comes to their children and all face unwanted turmoil.

Most of us can restrain ourselves and let the kids go when all is well, but we simply cannot stop from getting emotionally involved, especially if they are going through troubled times. When my daughters tell me not to worry about them, I just say that I have no choice about that! Do you moms agree?

L, Kamla

sunkan · Apr 7, 2006

how very true kamla....

this poem is an insight to all who want to know their limits...and console that atleast u could house their bodies....and nurture the mind to grow ....regards..sunkan

sudhavnarasimhan · Apr 8, 2006

Dear Kamala,

That was a lovely poem and i can easly emphatise with you....we are glad if our kids grow up to become independent and matured....but that itself serves as a sad parting for us mothers!

Well i know whati went through last year when i knew my daughter will soon move away, and when it is an only child that too very attached like only a daughter can be, then all the more depressing! Of course like Chitra has rightly said i am learning very slowly that i have to and need to let go and ALLOW HER TO MAKE HER NEST!
I liked these lines ....that i have to bend as much as i can to allow The Archer to let his arrows go far...and i am glad that i was chosen for this!

"The Archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the Archer's hand be for gladness;"
Thanks Kamala, though i am aware of all this , your poem reminded me once again that it is best to LET THEM GO!

varalotti · Apr 9, 2006

Now On this ILites, I have a suggestion for you!

Most Gracious ILites,
I am very happy to see the kind of impact Kahlil Gibran is making on you people. I bought Gibran's book, Prophet, way back in 1991 and read it had been the most defining moments of my life.
My suggestion is each of you can grab a copy of Gibrans Prophet as early as possible and start reading it. His verses on Marriage, Work, Joy and Sorrow, Prayer is sure to make you weep and realise the eternal truth contained in the great words of the poet.
I remember reading about this parable in one of Gibran's works. The protoganist is standing on a balcony overlooking the street. He sees the town-whore walking on the one side of the road, while a nun walks on the other. My God, he exclaims, what a difference! A divine being and a dirty soul walking the same street. God answers,
There is no difference between them, My son. One seeks me in prayer, the other in pain.
These are words which will be etched in the core of our beings and we will carry them forward to all our future births.
Varalotti

Kamla · Apr 9, 2006

Yes indeed

I have the Prophet, Sridhar. His words are full of profound wisdom. It also holds good for repeated readings and each time I read, I discover fresh nuances to his words.

Love and regards,
Kamla

meenu · Apr 9, 2006

very interesting

Dear Kamla,
Your (Gibran's )poem was profound.More so were the replies from our friends, It is true that our children have thoughts and ideas of their own and left alone they may think better than we do.We parents should only tell them our line of thinking and it is their privilege and responsibility to make decisions.Perhaps thats what chithra meant by detachment in attachment.
meenu

subbi · Mar 15, 2007

hi every body
I like the word detached attachment.when a daughter pours her problems to mom, mom also enjoys the sharing and the importance given to her.
but there are children who never feel their parents are aged, they can no more share the burden of physical help.Mostly if parents cannot help physically[ like baby sitting, cooking ] they are dumped. children don t even involve them in certain of decisions, at the least make them them feel important for name sake.
Most parents are financially not being dependent, they can be made to feel they are very special, indeed they are.

subbi