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Younger sister turning boastful,proud.

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Vedhavalli, Jun 2, 2015.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Friends,


    I'm a regular reader here - addicted to IL i can say :).
    Back drop - Myself and DH working IT majors.
    We are only 2 daughter for parents
    My younger sister got married in jan to doctorate holder in europe. She is dependent.
    currently she too moved there. After moving abroad, she started to behave as if she is the best and we are looked upon down. I can see from the calls and
    eg: yesterday we had talk in skype, she is too bored to talk to me, indirectly said..oh it must be late for you guys sleep.. bye before i could say bye she cut the call.
    And she dint have a word to my DH. Nor she talked to him after she went there.


    When she was in a bad condition earlier in 2013-2014 she dint have job for 2 years and she had a breakup. We (me and DH) supported her emotionally and sometimes financially too. My DH would help her like picking up from her work place sometimes. Taking her for interviews etc.


    She wasted one year doing IAS prepartory, she just went to the class, most of the time slept and wasted time on social networking, going out with friends etc.
    Parents were totally upset with her. Later she found a job in pvt. bank though she did engg in electrical, with pay of say 20k. She never spent her money on her wedding expected dad to do everything which my dad did (long story-trying to forget) she even expected dad to pay her travel ticket!
    Lastly for her travel shopping too i helped her finacially and physically.


    She was rejected by many because of horoscope. Later somehow this alliance was setup though my dad was against this alliance for her because of complex issues (dad came to know the guys elder bro had married to another relgion gal, later divorced and now married and has kid, they hid his divorce part). I made dad to agree for this alliance, saying why we worry about his bro's past. We will see this guy etc.


    Now forgeting all the past, she behaves as if being in europe is something great, being in india is worst. One of my frnd's frnd lives close by i asked her 'did u visit her', she replied boastingly saying "What you think, its not india to just to knock the door, we have get appointment to meet". and every other time she points out this 'oh its not india'. And when i ask what u ate/cook, she says "what u think only eating/cooking is done here, you dont have anything to else to talk". "Whenever i see her online, i ping her, she never pinged me first.
    She compares me with her current position saying "see my times were bad now see where i'm now. Now all my friends praise me".
    After seeing me online too she ignores. Always in a hurry to end call. So, i stopped calling her.


    I'm feeling very depressed because of her behaviour. Parent dont notice this at all. They think its very normal to cut the call, or not asking about my DH.
    My DH says, see how people change, he feels bad.
    I'm farmore in a better position in a forturne 100 with decent pay + i married the person whom i love. Have adroable 1 yr old. Though in school, college i was better compare to her. I got selected in campus, she was jobless for 3+ yrs. Still my sister makes me feel that i'm low to her.


    Pls tell how to handle this.
     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Ignore her.
    Let her do the calling and pinging.
     
    4 people like this.
  3. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    Part of the culture chock when moving abroad is also to have this "honey moon" with your new country and kind of thinking bad about your former home country. This is how humans react to change. Then it comes other phases where you hate everything in your new country and miss your old country but she may not yet be there.

    She has a lot of new stuff on her plate. Ignore her for the time being and enjoy your life.
     
    8 people like this.
  4. sangeethakripa

    sangeethakripa Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP

    Life is a cycle .. Let her take her own time and come back.You have listed your blessings. Think about them and appreciate yourself for it. You did not take anyone for ride so dont feel low. You and Your DH have stood by her when she had bad times. So it's her part to express her gratitude to you. Dont take to your DH about your sister. Feel good about all good things you have done . Ignore her for sometime.
     
    sindmani and NeetaR like this.
  5. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    This is just a cycle. She will feel proud of new country, then think what's not there and finally miss her home country. Ignore her for time being anyways you must be busy with job and family. I'm sure she will come around sometime later
     
    sindmani likes this.
  6. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Welcome to real life. Just ignore her.
     
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  7. GoneGirl

    GoneGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Vedhavalli,

    I do feel your pain caused by your sister's behavior. I wanted to bring up a different point of view. Why do you feel the need to compare yourself with her, you being successful in college/career, when she was not? Maybe she felt inferior to you all this time and this is the time she is truly happy..
    I am not saying that all her actions are correct. But her saying that you can't just drop in on friends' home unannounced is true more so out of India, as people are busy and do not have time to entertain guests, unlike back home where people don't see that as a burden. Also for the phone call, I have done that sometimes when I feel that I have called people so late when it is their bedtime or dinner time, i feel bad and tell them I will talk to them later.
    I feel that there is a small chance that you might be interpreting her behavior in a biased way as you may be feeling inferior to her (may not be true, just the idea I got reading your post). After going through a tough time in life your sister is happy, let her enjoy this time. Am sure in the future she will miss you and your family and find a way to reconnect. In the mean time forget about these small issues and be happy with your own life and family.
     
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  8. Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

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    Your whole equation with sibling has started on wrong foot called comparison. Not sure if you started it or she or people around you but it is flawed.
     
    sindmani, Metamorphic, Soch and 4 others like this.
  9. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    thank you all for replies.

    @Ragini - So true..:)

    @Radhai I never compare myself with others, i have a strong notion that everyone's life varies.
    She is the who started saying this openly.
    She calls parents for just 40 seconds less than a minute, we are no longer in 2000's were calls would cast so high. Now we have viber, whatsapp...
    GoneGirl
    [​IMG]Yes you re right, we cant drop by just like that. Even in India its changed when there are working couple. People call and drop by.
    But my sister doesnt have to tell everytime 'its not like india'.

    Now she openly comments whats the use of being in india... in family whats app and fb. She forgot few months ago, she too used to juggle in autos and crowded market place.
     
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  10. Jananikrithsan

    Jananikrithsan Gold IL'ite

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    @Vedhavalli
    Pretend like she does not exist!
    She will learn if she wants to when the need arises!
    Like the others said this is a honeymoon phase!
     
    1 person likes this.

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