Younger Brother Married Without Parents Knowledge

@hopefulforbest, it's nice to see such a good sibling relationship. Your brother confided in you because of his faith and trust in you.

Don't panic. Things will get sorted out.

The past — where they met, how they met, why he kept things secret, etc — does not matter at this point. I'm sure you want answers, but first be nonjudgemental and supportive.

There are only two important things right now: Does your brother wish to stay married to your SIL? If yes, welcome her into the family. Miya-biwi raazi, toh kya karega qaazi? He has presented you with a fait accompli. Secondly, what would he like you to do for them? Help them in whatever reasonable way you can.

If he's unhappy and was truly coerced into marriage, consult an attorney and help him get out of it.

Based on what you've said so far, it looks as if he's happily married but afraid to say so. You can help him break the news to your parents if he asks you to. Hopefully, everything will go well.

Worst case scenario: there's no meeting ground between your parents and your SIL. If that happens, you can still be emotionally supportive of your parents as well as of the young couple.

All the best. I know this is a tough spot to be in, but you can get through it and come out stronger as a family.

.​

 

Op

Good to know your brother is coming to talk about this.

Please prepare your parents to handle it well. Just put them a question if they are OK if someone loves and roam with you for 10years and leave you and marry someone else.

Your brother is not kid. He's adult. As yellow mango mentioned am sure no one pointed gun to his head. Don't try to break a marriage just coz your brother failed to inform parents. It's his fault not girl or her people fault.

BUT if your brother accepts he was forced blackmailed to marry and seeks help to come out that's different story.

Stop seeing girl as vamp who brainwashed your brother and married coz of money. Your brother seeking her suggestions on house construction and gold talks about his love and Importance he gives to his wife. Accept that and be happy about it.

If your parents can accept a son in law who doesn't even acknowledge them or Even let you talk to them they should accept the dil.

Your brother would have told about proposal at home so girl would have got afraid and tried taking things in hand as your brother fails to handle things with parents. That doesn't make her evil don't judge her. Be in her shoes before making judgements..

Explain your mom she doesn't have to stay with dil but accept the marrige if possible do reception for relatives. And they can stay in separate houses with ur brother attending your parents regularly.

Wishing all goes well and things get peaceful.

 

Well said. At least Op , Can u talk to the girl in phone or so to understand her better instead of judging her. U fear for ur brother's safety , but he himself seems to be happy. Then why are u saying he is pressurised to be with her AFTER THE MARRRIAGE took place(it seems they are already married). That too 10 years of relationship plus marriage . ok suppose she is money minded(as u all doubt) , what can others do.ur parents should be safeguarded in money matters .that should be the priority.Please try to talk to both ur bro and the girl to really judge her. Confusions like this can create so much peacelessness.

 

@hopefulforbest Please think again what @sumalynux is saying... Your brother had relationship with that girl for 10 years, and in Indian soceity it is his moral duty to marry her , which he did. Also a guy would give a girl/relationship the best 10 years of his life only if he loves her, right so it's the natural thing for them to get married eventually.Plus he is happy with her - notice his actions not his (fearful) words.
Even after marriage is done, your mother wants to break the marriage- is it right?? You have to explain to your mother if some guy had relationship with you for 10 years then abandoned you - is it correct??? Your brother himself told they have been in relationship for 10 years, still you are convinced of this theory of 'force/fake marriage', that is just not applicable in this context.

Such a simple logic really.I don't think the girl has any fault that she deserves her marriage to be broken. All I see some giant gender-bias... evil son-in-law treated as king and all cruel conditions accepted silently and rewarded with gold. Poor DIL marriage forced to be ended....

 

Even I have this question in my mind. I want to tell Op, if the marriage was fake then her bro or the girl will not want to live with one another with all the problems. Only real live cam bind them this much.

 

OP, after reading the rest of the posts here, I have a question. What is your brother's relationship with your parents like? Are they over-protective of him? If so, he may have carried on his relationship and now marriage in secret because he thought that they wouldn't approve and figured that they would have to accept it when all was said and done (i.e. once he was already married).

Also, I may have missed it in the responses but where are we getting the idea that the girl "brainwashed" him from?

 

I get a feeling that your sil is doing a good job of giving ur brother, emotional support and doing her part in helping with construction and shopping for gold.

Sometimes , ppl with poor financial background are very careful with spending money .. trust ur brother with the property. He is a grown up individual.

What plans does your parents have in regards with your marriage situation? Do they plan to keep encouraging your H with such behavior? Didnt they spy/ do background check of ur H family? They have already lost you and looks like you wont be helping them in any way in the furture.. dont let them spoil ur brother marriage and lose the only support system that they have..