Younger Brother Married Without Parents Knowledge

THIS IS A REAL RED FLAG.

 

First talk to the girl in detail and try to appoint some deductive and collect the information of the girl and there family first,because before telling th8s to everyone and create a mess let’s do some research and if the girl side is good u can take it to ur parents or if the girl is cheating better explain to ur brother and make him understand and forward to mutual divorce..there are some good professional detectives available search for that...

 

Your brother is really immature here and hiding things.I believe effective communictaion is the solution.
First of all maybe he was not forced. If he has really been with her 10 years, then he has married her out of his own interest- also you can understand his interest by how much importance he is giving her in all matters. He knew his parents would never accept so he did it without involving them. That really shows his high immaturity. Whether parents agree or not, they have to be informed and involved but he is too scared of your parents so even now he is claiming he was forced. He was not forced, he is clearly in love with that girl, as evident from his behaviour.
Your parents should try to open up the field of communication with him by removing his fear- and coax out of him what really happened, and what are his plans now. If all is clarified that he loves her, then you meet the girl and her parents and then get a proper marriage ceremony done for them . If really your brother confesses he was forced, then you take steps to get him out of the mess. But first is to have clear and honest communication from your brother. You cannot wish away the marriage , and by searching for proposals your parents are treading in dangerous and potentially illegal waters here.Be very careful about this matter, if you don't handle it well your parents will end up losing face in society and what not.
On a side note your husband is an awful person who doesn't let you talk to your family. Wish you all the strength to deal with him.

 

Dear @hopefulforbest
Hugs to you.... first things first.... you are visiting your parents after a long gap, and now need to deal with this stressful situation of your brother....

Whether you like it or not, there is nothing much that you can do about the marriage or about the girl... both the girl and your brother are adults.... your brother has created a mess for himself, so let him find a way out.... you keep him in your prayers....

One thing what you should be constantly doing is to provide immense support to your parents.... thats the only thing they need....

Unfortunately some husbands believe that they are doing a favor, if they talk to wife’s parents or siblings....

Hugs to you @hopefulforbest....
hope things turn out better for you and your brother

 

On one hand your husband(inlaws) not allowing to keep contact with your parents, on other hand he will gladly accept 6 lakhs of gold jewellery for his kids. Do you think this is fair? Make clear to your husband and inlaws no taking costly gifts from your parents till you are allowed to be a daughter and maintain relationship with them.
Think your parents situation, daughter can't talk to them, but they have to give expensive jewellery to her kids. Atleast protect your parents from exploitation by saying no to this. Your parents are alive, let them save money for their own future now, already they transferred all property assets to your brother.Tomorrow if they are on the streets, you won't even be in a position to help them with 6 lakhs, as clear by your husband's nature.So, don't accept this from them, till you husband realises their importance and value. Tell your parents to take back that 6 lakhs from your bro , by cancelling this plan of gifting gold to you. Ask them to keep it back in their name only.

 

Your brother is completely trapped and he has spoiled the life of your parents too. That girl can take everything that belongs to your brother and his family and will vanish one day. No one will be able to catch her again. She can then again married to some other rich man and play that game again. If your brother can understand then he can only do something and preserve the rest to get into her hands if there is something left. Similar yet very different case I had seen with one of my close relative. A very old lady who can't do anything has no other option than living alone in a single small room with a very small washroom and kitchen. If you get the gold then keep it with you. If in any case your brother will be able to give you real gold of worth 6 lakh then this will be the only amount left with you. Otherwise I don't think she will buy something real for you.

 

1)Firstly ,it was silly of your parents to transfer property on his name. Is it registered in his name or only on will. If it only on will ,then ask them to change it and will everything to each other.

Ask your parents and if it is legally transferred to his name,talk to a lawyer dealing in such things. There are laws to protect the old parents in such cases. Try to get your brother to put parents name on the property too.
Tell your parents not to vacate the property for any reason.

Did your brother ask them to transfer property to his name. If yes....then I would blame him .
If they did it on their own ...then your brother can't be blamed.


As for your parents,if they such misgivings about her,they should stay in their present house only and not move out.

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2)Are your patents sponsoring the new house construction. If yes,tell them to stop and save the money for themselves.

If your brother is paying for it ,then it is his business and he is rightfully building it as per his wife's interests.That is what most decent husbands do. They take their wife's opinion and happiness into consideration because she is the one who is going to stay in it the longest.

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3)Who is sponsoring the gold buying ?
Is it your parents.? If yes ,then why have they given the money to him. Buying gold is generally done by parents .They gave it to their clueless son and he is asking his wife to help him buy.

Your husband does not let you talk to your parents but he will be fine with taking gold worth lakhs of rupees from them . That is a big red flag there.
Do the right thing . Tell your parents to not waste money buying gold for your children and save it for themselves,specially since you will be of no use to them when they need you . Let your husband and in laws buy the gold for your children.

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4)About him being forced to marry her?
How ? Did they put a gun to his head?
At most ,he must have been pressurised .India is a conservative country . If some one goes around with a girl for so long and gives the girl a ' reputation ' ,he is expected to marry her. Just like your brother,she must have also rejected proposals that her family got for her.

Your brother seems far too happy and in awe of his wife for someone who was ' forced ' to marry .

If your brother chose to have a 'secret ' wedding ,some fault lies with your parents too.Parents who can trust their son with property should trust him to chose a life partner for himself.

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5) Regarding your parents views and about her .....they know about her character but don't know about the character of their son who lived with them?
Do they know about their son's contribution to her having a bad character and reputation.

Had your brother been a daughter ,would they be fine with their daughter being abandoned with a bad reputation after ten years of relationship?

The girl should not have been rude but she knows your parents only through what your brother told her . Maybe your brother was too much of a sissy and complained to her about your parents looking for alliances for him and she took things in her own hand. They seem happy now. She probably saved their lives and the lives of two others they would have been forced to marry.

She should not have been rude. May be she is a bit of a bad girl. Better be a little bad than be a good girl who is 'forced' to abandon talking to her family in this age of skype and whatsapp.

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Op.....think of everything from your parents view.
Tell them to safe guard their finances.

Tell them to be careful but give your brothers's marriage and his wife the benefit of the doubt .

You will not be able to help them ,so try and make sure they don't burn their bridges with their son .

Advice them not to get too angry ,keep formal relations and if things are fine ,work towards making better bond .

How your brother treats his wife or her family is his business. If he is happy ,in the long run,it should make your parents happy.

 

@yellowmango, excellent understanding of the situation. I agree with each and every point of yours.

 

Exactly what I wanted to say after reading the OP's posts.

OP, your brother looks like he's really in love with her. But his bravery is limited, thus playing the game of marrying his girl friend but pretending with the parents.

Regarding the properties, if all the properties have been changed to his name n tough to change it back. There's a law to protect the properties by making your mom n dad as co-signee. Like if your brother wants to loan or sell the property, he needs to get a signature from your dad n mom too n can't do it alone. That may protect. Whatever said n done, put the pressure to secure themselves financially till their time.

This involvement in house, jewellery or anything is quite normal considering she's his wife. If my husband has to buy jewellery for someone, obviously I would be the one picking it. He may have hidden the relationship from his parents but that doesn't mean it's not real.

If you really want to help, you need to help them to sort this out n make this right. Arrange a wedding or a reception (you can always say you did the wedding simple in a temple or something) n let them start their life. 10 years of relationship is a pretty long time n considered serious.

Change your mothers mind to stop seeing her as a bad person n that she means a lot to your brother, you too strike a good relationship with her, make sure that your bro understands that he must be there for the parents as you cannot. That taking care includes not forcing them out of the apartment if they don't want.

 

By looking at others view I might be wrong. But two things that made me think like that were
They got married only after the transfer of property
Your parents doesn't know about that.
Only the clause of 10 years can change the picture. But what's the reality your brother or that girl only knows.