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Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, Dec 14, 2011.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    You can skip this blog Safely,

    I don’t have a subject to blog on, so save yr tomatoes and onions, eggs are welcome getting expensive now, and I love eggs !

    Some great jokes have come in, so to post them, I have to write something, so u can safely read them, and skip the blog.So here go my ramblings.

    Bhanwari Devis husband Amarchand, has told the CBI, that their daughter is the product of the liason between her and malkhan singh , the minister. How he knows it, he knows best, so a DNA test is in order. And he says that malkhan singhs family used to address Bhanwari as Bhabhi, meaning taking her as a second mother or wife. He says he was husband just by name !!!

    Now what about bhanwari’s second child ! is he original or imported, time will tell. This makes me wonder why should not we all have compulsory DNA Test done , and the tests recorded with the Government, like we need to comulsarily have a Pan Car, Ration Card, or the new UID Number, the DNA should also be made compulsory, so that like in NK Tiwari, who is refusing to have a DNA test, to confirm a young mans claim, the reports can be matched by the courts. And what if Tiwari dies, then what can the young man do ?

    Regarding the Hijdas, I recently wrote a blog on them.

    the Third Gender

    Yesterday they came to give me the wedding card, my friend and his wife. The wedding is for the 26th Dec, and I asked if I can help them out in any way, and the y said, please help us with the hijdas, it seems 4 different gangs, came to their house, asking when is the wedding, ( how did the hijdas find out, do they find out from the marriage venues, or from the wedding card sellers ?), and each gang is saying they are the originals . And one gang had the gall to tell them, that in case the others come tell them that the wedding is for the 1st of January, so that they can come and collect beforehand , before the other gangs get wind of it .

    And all 4 have fixed the rate at 51,000/- now they told me, kamal please help us solve it please. And sure enough, I will go and talk with these fellows or fellowesses, taking my Tuffy, brother may not allow me to take bingo, no probs, and hopefully settle the matter at 11000/-, and if they disrobe all the more better, I have great pics for my blogs. HAHA

    I used to listen to songs on U tube,while blogging, yest I had an idea to see if I can see full movies on u tube. So I typed pretty woman, and yes , there it came , pretty woman divided into 12 parts, and that ws heaven really, watching Richard Gere, and Julia Roberts, what a movie . And now I have the key to watching some great old English movies, whose CDs I cant get anywhere.

    I was a fan of Hollywood, till 1980, when I was in Mumbai and would watch most of the English movies, in Regal, Excelsior,New Empire,Radio ( I doubt if u have heard of it, close to VT station), Metro ,Strand, etc . When I came to jaipur, no English movie released here, and even now, hardly any movies get released, and those that too, are dubbed in Hindi, so no sense watching.

    So my memories are of the movies of the era before the eighties, and I remember some wonderful o nes like
    1) The Night of the Generals – Peter Otoole, Omar Sharif
    2) Where Eagles Dare
    3) The guns of Navorone
    4) Becket – peter otoole, Richard burton the hindi v ersion was Hamak Haram, of amitabh and Rajesh Khanna.
    And now I can watch these movies on You tube, sitting here, even saving the money to buy the DVDs.

    Thank god for the internet, it has changed my life for the better. And everyday keep discovering new things eh ! Today I plan to watch Ghost, that demi moore movie, what a movie, one of my all time favourites among gthe new movies.

    Enough I have written, most irrelevant, but I wanted to post the jokes that have come in, classy I would say. Signing off dear friends, not like Bhawari, but temporily.HAHA

    KAMAL MAHTANI

    Simple Test for Love and Affection
    Put yr wife in a room and lock the room
    Put your dog in another room and lock it.
    Open both of them after 1 hour & see who is happy to see You !!!
    ( well we can substitute wife with husband) !!!


    What would u call VIJAY MALAYA after he dies ?
    Answer – BEJAN DARUWALLA !!!



    Mat Dhundo mujhe is duniya ki tanhai mein,
    Mat Dhundo mujhe is duniya ki tanhai mein,
    KUY KI
    Thand bahut hai,
    Main to soya huya hoon apni Razai mein !!!



    Santa – yaar main duvida mein pad gaya hoon,
    Banta – kya hua ?
    Santa – yaar, biwi ke makeip ka kharcha bardash nahin hota,
    Aur make up ke beggar biwi bardash nahin hoti !!!
     
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  2. Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Good Jokes Kamalji...hahaha
    I think all the politicians and they family have to do this DNA

    How come no news from you about Veena Mallik..... she has really created an havoc in India. Now she wants to get married in India.
     
  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamalji,

    Excellent jokes. And excellent title for the blog. Sure to draw the audience. :rotfl BTW, this hijada problems seems to be out of all proportions in Jaipur/Rajasthan. Ask your friend to get police protection and bribe them with Rs. 5000/- I am sure the police will come running and work very efficiently and anyway it would prove to be a lot cheaper than paying off 4 gangs of these people.
     
  4. sushmavja

    sushmavja Platinum IL'ite

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    kamalji,
    so you are creating more n more curiosity just by the title!!
    nice jokes and have a nice time watching movies on You Tube
     
  5. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Ji saab, you made us read your post by asking us to skip! As a punishment, read the following. These jokes can be posted only in your thread for obvious reasns :biggrin2:
    Disclaimer - no, no, no offnce meant to Biharis:

    A man from Bihar was away from his wife for four years while his wife
    was in bokaro (Bihar). At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to
    his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son.

    His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this "Happy
    event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years... The
    man said it is common in Bihar that neighbours take care of the wife
    when men are away.

    The colleagues asked him, "What name will you give to the son?"

    The man explained, "If its the second neighbour who has taken care,
    then the name would be "DWIVEDI";
    If it is the third neighbour then it would be "TRIVEDI",
    If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be "CHATURVEDI";
    If its the fifth neighbour then it would be PANDEY...

    After listening to this, questions followed.

    What if it is a mixture of neighbours? "Then the boy would be named
    MISHRA"...

    And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour?
    "Then it would be SHARMA"...

    But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour? "Then
    the name of the child would be GUPTA"...

    If she does not remember the name then? "It is YAAD-AV..."

    But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape? "Then it will
    be named DOSHI"....

    Finally, if the child happened because of wife's burning desire for
    Sex? Then he will be named JOSHI...

    And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?....
    DESHPANDEY


    Howwzzzaat, K ji????:hide:
     
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  6. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    Hahaha kamalji,

    You do know your audience well, in this case your readers.:)
    I may be an old mother but one habit I have not outgrown is to first do what is forbidden so no wonder I rushed in here .....
    It was just a continuation of your other blogs so easy to follow.

    Anyway I wanted to tell u that in thailand we had a sex changed person as our tour guide.I liked the confidence with which she introduced herself saying she went for an operation because she was not happy being a boy."so now you can call me mae mae (that was her name) and I am a lady boy. " she concluded smiling.
     
  7. kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    Kamalji..
    you are very clever.. what a title.. I bet you that you will get a huge no of views and Fbs on tis thread...as like Mindi we all are kids when it comes to the "forbidden"...
    whats wrong with DNA and TOI.. they are not publishing anymore juicy news???.. but now I know the reason for your absence .. Youtube movies!!..
    jokes were good.. and just to let you know..
    when I go home.. my Harley (lab) is waiting for at the door.. jumps in glee at me.. and incase my hubby or son is at home .. I get a "oh you've come" greeting...
    Kerman
     
  8. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Aruna,

    Yes all the politicians need to do it, hence they wont pass this law, so simple, is it not to find out who is whose child or parent ?

    See they must make ke the advisor to the PM, and i give such laws that evreyrone is happy.HAHA

    Veena mailk is one sleezy woman i cant stand the sight of her. i have seen her topless videos, and she looks ugs really.So i dont mention her.HAHA

    Regards

    kamal
     
  9. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Satchi,

    Well u mean i am a good businessman eh ! to be still able to draw in crowds, well i am happy with the response , for at the other site, they literally took me seriously and hardly any comments.How can anyone take kamalji seriously i wonder !!!

    Well bribibg the police is a good idea, but i doubt if any policeman for any price will like to put their hands in this mess. we have to sort it out ourselves, and given the chance i will.

    Regards

    kamal
     
  10. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sushma,

    Yes today i watched " To Sir with love, " of 1967, and i suggest it to everyone to watch it, u wont get a better movie.

    Regards

    kamal
     

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