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You Are Missing In My Heart!

Discussion in 'Stories (Fiction)' started by Rajeni, Jun 2, 2016.

  1. stayblessed

    stayblessed Silver IL'ite

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    Nice update Rajeni. Finally you gave some clue about nethras past. Next abhis past is it? what is this twist in the end? What is this Anitha up to? Is she going to shout out her love for abhi in front of everyone or is she going to do anything stupid?You know exactly where to stop. As always eagerly waiting for the next update.
     
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  2. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @Rajeni,

    When an IL members make the effort to nominate a story, it is only fair if I spend enough time to read the whole story to understand the rationale behind the nomination. Your story telling style is very professional and your narrating skills are just stunning. Needless to say, your vocabulary is very good. Your attention to details while narrating someone or something is simply superb. Each character is explained with enormous details giving an impression that they live among us. When every character thinks something and ends up saying something else is like what happens in real life. Thread of love between mother/daughter, mother/son, father/daughter even love between fiancees are very well narrated. The struggle to express love exists from time immemorial and this is very well articulated in this story. How every character cares for the emotions and feelings of other characters is very well narrated. Overall, I enjoyed reading all 24 episodes.

    In order to give a few constructive suggestions, I am listing below the following:

    1) I would recommend the end of each episode to be more thrilling to make the readers more anxious to read the next.
    2) The events can speed up more to make the story more gripping.

    Viswa
     
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2017
    Rajeni and peddadas like this.
  3. Lata6

    Lata6 Gold IL'ite

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    Now the past has unfolded. Hope this separation makes her realize his love for her. As usual nice writing.
     
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  4. Lata6

    Lata6 Gold IL'ite

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    Pls train me also in writing fiction.
     
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  5. Sachini

    Sachini Senior IL'ite

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    Gud one rajeni. As usual u r building up the expectations n suspense.
     
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  6. Rajeni

    Rajeni Finest Post Winner

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    Thanks dear SB!
    Shout out her love - nice idea! 'I love this lovable idiot' style eh? Posting the next part now..
     
  7. Rajeni

    Rajeni Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Viswa Sir,

    Thanks a lot for reading the story and providing such an encouraging and detailed feedback. You have listed so many positives boosting my confidence. I am really glad that you enjoyed reading the story.

    And, special thanks for the constructive suggestions you have provided, which would help me improve. I would definitely keep them in mind. Thanks!
     
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  8. Rajeni

    Rajeni Finest Post Winner

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    Thanks Lata!

    Teach? I, myself, am still a student! But I can tell you the first step. Pick up a paper and pen (/laptop) and start writing(/typing), the rest would follow. :)
    All the best!!
     
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  9. Rajeni

    Rajeni Finest Post Winner

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    Thank you Sachini!
     
  10. Rajeni

    Rajeni Finest Post Winner

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    Part 25:

    Anita stepped down from the pavement and looked out of the corner of her eyes at Abhinay. She waited for him to look at her side. It took almost ten minutes for Abhinay to casually turn in her direction and in that very moment she started moving across the road.

    Though Abhinay did not pay attention to what was happening in the road, his mind vaguely registered somebody moving from the opposite direction. The sound of a squeaking car wheels pulled his attention and he turned to find Anita walking amidst the flying cars and a car steering away acutely missing her. The car driver yelled at her which she did not care to look back. She continued walking neither looking back nor slowing down. Abhinay in a fraction of second understood her intentions by the set of her face. His eyes grew wide and he yelled, “Stop there.. Anita.. What are you doing?”

    A small smile slightly curved the edges of her lips but she continued her pace. She walked in a constant pace neither rushing nor too slow. Abhinay stood there bewildered and indecisive. When she had crossed three-fourth of the road, a car sped towards her. Calculating her pace, the driver might have thought that she would move away before he would reach there, but suddenly she slowed down her pace. The next lane was already busy. Both the car driver and Abhinay were shocked and instinctively, Abhinay ran down the steps of the building he was standing and pulling her, he moved to the side. The car missed her by a hairline and she was in Abhinay’s arms.

    Tears ran down her cheeks as she lifted her face and saw him. Though Abhinay was relieved, his face turned red in anger. He looked around. The builder with whom he was talking to was curiously looking at them. A few construction workers, leaving for the day, stopped and talked among themselves seeing them. There were also many random strangers on both sides of the street looking at them with interest. He pulled her by her hands and walked towards his car which was parked a few feet away. He pushed her into the back seat and came towards the builder. He vaguely managed saying that it was one of his associates and he did not know what her problem was, but the builder’s face clearly showed how far he bought Abhinay’s explanation. Without caring any further, Abhinay finished his discussion quickly and came back to his car.

    As he got into the driver seat, he found Anita near him in the front seat. Without uttering a word, he started the car and moved away from there.

    Several minutes passed and Anita deciding to break the silence called, “Abhi…”

    He did not respond, his jaws clenched even further. She tried again, “Abhi.. I…”

    He applied the brakes and stopping the car at a side, almost yelled, “You what? What explanation are you trying to give for your cheap tricks?”

    “Trick?” she asked.

    “Then? What is the name of the drama you just staged?” he asked and continued, “You did not really expect me to believe that you are going to die, did you?” he asked with heavy sarcasm.

    “You didn’t believe, is it? Then why did you come running to save me?” she returned.

    “Because I didn’t want you to create further drama. You will get hit by the car, of course without getting much hurt and God only knows what you have planned next. To save myself all those drama, I pulled you” he replied without missing a beat.

    Anita’s eyes welled up again and looking at him she asked, “Is this what you think of me Abhinay? Do you really think I am that cheap?”

    “Aren’t you?” he asked in an angry tone. “What rational explanation do you have for jumping into the traffic and walking like a martyr? That is exactly what one calls emotional blackmailing and drama” he added fast, his words burning with anger.

    “I don’t have a rational convincing explanation, but I wanted to talk to you. For heaven’s sake, I want to talk to you!” she said desperately and continued, “and, I tried in all possible ways to do that. In office, you are always busy and unavailable for me. I can’t even talk to you about work. You pushed me to this extreme Abhi. To buy a few minutes of your time, I did that. I know its silly, I know its cheap, but I don’t care. All I wanted is to talk to you”

    Abhinay laughed bitterly and suddenly turning serious he said, “I have nothing to talk to you, Ms. Anita”

    “Abhi..” she started and before she could continue, he raised his hand and stopped her.

    “Look! Whatever relationship we had was in the past. It was long over. I repeat, its over! And, I don’t want to talk about it. YOU destroyed every… everything I had for you. Now, don’t try to sell some silly excuses to me..” he said in a strained voice.

    “Abhinay… My love for you is..”

    “Stop it!” he interrupted. “Don’t ever talk about it!” he yelled. “I regret having had a relationship with you even in the past!” he added with vengeance.

    She froze! His words rang in her ears piercing her senses and tears welled up in her eyes, flowing down her cheeks. She turned her face away, trying to control her emotions and the tears.

    Taking a deep breath, she looked at him and with a bitter smile said, “Thanks!” She, then, without wasting a second, got out of the car and without looking back, walked away, her hands wiping her tears every now and then.

    That bitter smile, the look in her eyes, did affect him. He slammed his fist on the steering wheel, threw his head back and shut it eyes, trying to push her image away from his mind.

    After a few minutes, he opened his eyes. He could still see the outline of her walking away on the side-walk. “Why are you after me now? After all these years? When I am stepping into a new beginning?” he asked aloud.

    His mobile rang bringing him out of his thoughts. His mobile screen displayed that it was Mithun. He shook his head and answered the call, “Tell me da”

    “Hey Macha.. where are you?”

    “I am.. I am..” he stammered looking around and clearing his mind, said, “I met SK builders and am driving back home now.. why?”

    “We need to meet.. Can you come here?”

    “Is it urgent?”

    “Don’t know whether its urgent.. but it’s about Nethra”

    “On the way!”

    Mithun laughed hearing the response and Abhinay too smiled as he started the car.


    Nethra dreamed again. She was in the same dessert, searching. She knew what she was looking for. She was searching her warrior. And, without failing her, he came galloping in his majestic horse whose satin skin shone in the bright dessert sun. Nethra’s face blossomed like a flower seeing him. A small part of her subconscious knew that she was dreaming and it also started worrying that the dream would end soon, that her time with her warrior was limited. Propelled by that thought, she ran towards him extending her arms, desperate to reach him before the dream ends. He too rushed at the speed of the wind towards her. As he neared, the hand that majestically rested on his sword extended, palm up, beckoning her. At that moment, she felt the familiar pull, some force pulling her from behind, stopping her from reaching him. She desperately looked at her warrior, his face. His head was covered in a helmet, but she could see his eyes – Abhinay’s eyes. She stopped suddenly and as she stopped the force pulling her back grew stronger, dragging her several steps back. Furious, she turned to face the evil force straight on its face and as she turned, she found many unfamiliar alien beings, clad in black. She moved back, scared of the eerie creatures, fear gripping her heart at the site and at that very moment, the creature in the center, raised a dagger and moved towards her. As it moved close to her, its dagger shining, she saw its face - Kishore!

    She woke up with a start, sweating profusely. ‘What would have happened if the dream continued? Would I have been killed? Or would he have saved me?’ she wondered. The image of Abhinay’s eyes from within the shining metal helmet gave her the confidence that he would have saved her. She regretted waking up so soon. As she shook herself off sleep, she started analyzing her dream. ‘When people who were wrong, who did wrong things are happy, why should my daughter suffer’ her mother’s voice echoed. She knew that Kishore and her bitter past, was stopping her from moving forward.

    For the first time she thought about Abhinay voluntarily. ‘Is he the one?’ she asked herself and was immediately surprised by her own question. The memories of Abhinay came rushing to her, filling every part of her mind and she did not resist it. Instead, she replayed it again and again, warm blood rushing through her frame, her heart beat fluttering every now and then, and she willingly went back to those days. She remembered the day she first met him – his attitude, confidence. The hints he passed when they were officially introduced. ‘Was he interested from day one?’ she wondered and blushed. The way he protected her from that flirt, Deeraj –She remembered how protectively he stood between her and him, literally guarding her and how she easily got into a conversation with him. She remembered the day she rejected his lift, the look on his face and she laughed. The day when he shouted at her to come with him, concerned about her safety. The time spent with him and his mother. And, especially that night when she dreamt of her warrior for the first time, her stupid tears and how he consoled and cheered her mood. ‘Please do not cry’ his words echoed in her ears. Then, she remembered their friendly conversations. ‘I will not allow anything to happen to you’ – the words he spoke in her broken apartment, sent another wave of warm blood to her face. She laughed remembering his embarrassed look and comments when Arundati put him on spot. She acknowledged her own feelings when she understood why she was so angry and upset when she heard Arundati talk about ‘Anni’. Finally, ‘I don’t want you to go’ her mind replayed again and again and her heart drummed in response.

    Blushing she got up from the bed and the box on the bed caught her attention. She remembered Kishore’s face and the raised dagger from her dream. ‘I don’t want you to go’, Abhinay’s velvet voice whispered in her ears, and she packed the box again with all its contents and putting it in a cover, walked towards the dustbin.


    Abhinay woke up with a headache. His mind was clouded with too many thoughts and mixed emotions. The face of Anita and her bitter smile flashed in his mind every now and then. He himself did not like the way she affected him and he checked his emotions. But, the main thing that concerned him was what Mithun told him the previous night. He was initially shocked and couldn’t believe what he heard. His instinct alarmed him that he had to address it sooner. Holding his head in his palms, he sat there lost in thoughts!

    (Contd.)
     

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