Yoga For Cops

Tamils hold up your head in pride! What even a state ruled by an (alleged ) yogi hasn’t done, TN has! Some 10,000 cops in the state will undergo yoga ttraining to beat stress.


Poor chaps, they really need a stressbuster. Otherwise of late many cops have turned suicidal. One guy blew his brains out while on security detail at the grave of late Chief Minister J.Jayalalitha. As if that wasn’t grave enough two more guardians of law tried to immolate themselves.


Can’t say I blame them. It is quite stressful out there. Not every cop is put on the pleasant job of collecting bribes and moving the csh upwards in ranks after taking their cut. Many are on thankless VIP security duty and even worse, get posted at the graves and memorials of dead chief ministers who have occupied prized plots of land in Chennai’s Marina beach. And the worst case scenario is being given the great job of watering the bossman’s plants, taking his kids to school and buying groceries and veggies for his missus.



Great job of gasThese guys don’t understand that getting your palms requi8res a special talent.If and appearances c0ount., A stentorian voice is of extra help. If you look like a schoolboy who has bunked class and have a girlish voice you will be laughed off. Not even the romeos who being their j Juliets to the city’s beaches will be laughed. You need a stocky built, a beer belly and a rich growth over your upper lip.


So the not-so-gifted guys can tend to fall into depression. Therre is no harm if they turn their guns on themsBlves or waste a few litres of kerosene from the fair price shop trying to set themselves on fire. But god forbid, what if at a movement of depression, they put a few bullets into the parasites oops sorry VIPs they are guarding. Mucho mucho worse what if they buy a kilo of bitter gourd while shopping for vegetables for the karela hating wife of the boss?


To ensure that such things don’t happen, the TN cops really needed a stressbuster. What is better than some yoga and meditation? But cops being cops the ordinary yogic exercises would be oif little help. They need postures custom made for them. Here are some.


Haftasana: Roll your eyes . then glare at the person standing in front of you to make him quake in his pants, take a deep breath and stretch your right hand forward with the palm open. Remain in that position for a few minutes. Benefits of the asana is that it would strengthen your arms muscle and increase your self confidence and improve your hafta collecting skills.


Thappad Asana:Take a deep breath, stretch your hand forward with your palm openMove your hand back in that stretched position and swing it forward towards an imaginary or real target breathing out. Benefits: Strengthens your shoulder muscles besides a;lso persuadind decent citizens to live in fear of law .No not criminals. They are criminals because they help you practise haftasana and strengthen your arm muscles. If you are a skilful performer of this asana, your promotion chances will increase by leaps and bounds. Remember the cop who became a youtube superstar when videos of his slapping women protestors at some demonstration or other went viral. He got his promotion soon after the slapping spree.


Punchasana: Take a deep breath . Imagine a nose before youBall your hand into a fist Move your hand fast towards the nose trying to punch it. Your asana will improve when you start giving bloody noses to people.


Garbhapathasana” Of late TN cops have been learning a new skill—that of abortionists. You see abortion clinics are having a harerowing time these days./ Many are getting sealed for gender determination tests. So docs don’t want to risk their careers performing abortions. Here cops have stepped into their shoes. Of late there have been cases of cop induced abortions whether the concerned ladies wanted them or not. Take the case of a guy who was travelling with his pregnant wife on a scooter. He was stopped by a cop who sought his rightful bribe. The guy fled with wifey in the pillion after refusing to pay the bribe. Incensed by such lawbreakers the intrepid cop chased them and kicked the guy’s missus in the stomach She aborted on the spot and as a bonus, kicked the bucket.


She got her just desserts .First for abetting her husband’s fleeing from the cop and then for her intended anti-national act of adding to the country’s already burgeoning population. The cop stopped the anti-national act before it happened and also punished the two transgressors. He has been sent to a lock up following outcry from ignorant public. But cheer up public memory is proverbially short. Soon when the people forget about him and he ceases to be a media celebrity, he will be relased and will probably get some police medal.


Now for the asana itself. Sit on a stool with your legs akimbo. Lift one leg and swing it forward as if you are kicking someone or something from a scooter. The benefits: This asana will strengthen your leg muscles and also hone your skills as an abortionist.


These are just a few of the many cop asanas that would make all decent guys and gals coming into contact with cops cop out. But there are many more. May be I will write a sequel to this blog. So wait for it with trepidation

 

The problem is Aabitha, cops haven't lost their mentality of the colonial days when they were used for oppression. They still look down upon the people in the same way and things have worsened because they have become irredeemably corrupt. I don't think any yoga can curb their greed.

 

These cops are still; plagued by colonial mindset which sees the ordinary people as milch cows for bribes and targets for bullying. Like oversized flight stewardesses are taken off duty beer bellied cops must be too and made to run a few kilometes every day.

 

Politically correct vocabulary Viswa is everything. If you kill someone it is murder but if CIA does the same thing it is termination. If soe other cpountry tortures someone well, it is tortue anmd violation of human rights but if the department of dsirty tricks does the same thing, iot is Enhanced Interrogation Technique. A twist of a phrase or two can work miracles.