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wud like some feedback from moms of teens entering high school, do's and dont's

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by ravioli1970, Sep 10, 2013.

  1. ravioli1970

    ravioli1970 Bronze IL'ite

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    hello moms of teens
    wud like some tips of do's and dont's you imposed on your teens entering high school and also any community service ideas that your teen might have enjoyed in US especially in a ny state high school. would love to hear from all of you
     
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  2. JustAnotherMom

    JustAnotherMom Platinum IL'ite

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    I have a daughter who is a freshman already started her community service ( 40 Hours Mandatory in CA) She is working as a TA in her middle school which is 30 mins per week.

    She is planning to put in many hours in Hospital services as she doesn't have any extra curricular activities which is going to provide her any certificate. ( I have no idea how much value this will bring, but she is planning to do it as one of our friend suggested)

    I would also like to see the feedback from the parents who has gone through this before us.
     
  3. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    High school years are very stressfull for kids.
    They are figuring out both academically and social circle.
    As a mom make sure you communicate that you are always available to listen. Every time you listen you should not be giving your motherly Gyan and offer solutions. Just listen.
    Once you do this couple of times they will trust you to discuss even the silliest matter that happens for the day.
    Read the book
    Drive! 9 ways to motivate your kids. Advice from middle school to college and beyond By Janine walker Caffrey.
     
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  4. maya69

    maya69 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi OP,

    I have two kids in high school right now. I find that my kids just rush off to their rooms after school and not to be seen except for meals. I really have to make effort to talk and spend time. We go out for dinner together once a week just the nuclear family only and talk about school, movies, video games whatever we can. I have made my house an open place for kids to bring friends so I know who my kids are hanging out with. whenever they get a bad grade in a subject, I make sure I ask what I need to be do to help them understand the subject instead of just lecturing them about good grades.

    With regards to dating; never been a question with our DS as he did not ever ask. But he did start going to school dances in 10th grade and we did not stop as we know his friend circle. He asked a desi girl to junior prom and because of our open communication he did not hide it from us like some of his friends did. We met her parents and my DH lectured him about respect and all that. They have remained friends and occasionally go for group movies/dinners only. I have told DS that girl should not lie to her parents about meeting him either. Dont know what we will face with my DD but so far DS has been fine.

    Regarding do and donts imposed, i dont think I imposed any hard and fast do/donts on them. These are more do and donts for me as parent.
    Do expect every effort from them in keeping grades up. If struggling offer tutoring before it gets put of control.
    Do allow them to take extracurricular classes of their interest and not fully focus on academics.
    Do get to know their friends.
    Do use humor to get point across instead of arguing with them for every little thing.
    Do let them make mistakes and let them solve it themselves.
    Do realize what your childs natural abilities are and adjust expectations accordingly. (for example my ds seems very comfortable in maths but I dont think dd will be of the same caliber. I cannot expect the same from her.)
    Dont getting swayed by what your friends kids are doing. (many times I find we desis are constantly comparing our kids to others and panic if they are not doing this or that.)
    Dont stress out (easier said than done)

    Regarding community service; there are usually service oriented clubs at school that allow them to do that. otherwise there is tutoring, volunteering at senior centers or care facilities to do bingo or some other game; helping to cook meals at shelters. Our cities community center has a web page for kids to sign up for volunteering such garden beautification, face painting at july 4 events etc. you can also earn service time at temples too now a days.
     
  5. ravioli1970

    ravioli1970 Bronze IL'ite

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    thanks ladies for your ideas and suggestions. yup, kids at this age seem to love their rooms and their friends more I feel. yup the guidance has a list for community service places I am looking into it to come up with something per their intrests.
    girlfriends interests at this age r a concern for me but like maya said u talk to them about the responsibilities and just not impose too much and keep ur eyes on the situation. oh boy, its so hard to raise kids I have to say!!
    thanks maya, very informative!!
     
  6. Titanium001

    Titanium001 Silver IL'ite

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    Good tips...yes I too agree, good communication is very crucial at this phase.

    I am a mom of a just-turned 14, a sophomore in a high school. So far all is going well...I have set some rules, like no unnecessary phone calls (cell phone is mainly for security and communicating with me, not chatting with friends), and no going out with friends alone, even if she does, I stay in the mall the whole time doing my own shopping and she hangs out with her friends and that is only for few hours...No going to the movies, no sleepovers ...I know I am strict....but the thing is she never insists as we have had these rules from the beginning. I try to spend more time with her and involve in things that interest her, like watching movies that I would normally never watch or reading books that she recommends. We go shopping together and have fun. Seriously, I enjoy going out with her more than my friends.

    And I encourage her and my younger one to study downstairs in the family room where I can see them and talk to them. They go in their rooms only after dinner. Often times I encourage them to use the master bedroom for studying and I join them too or we all watch tv if we get our things done early.

    These can be done with sons and daughters alike, also involve in sports. Going to the gym or a game together can make the bonding strong. Recently, while I was waiting for my daughter in front of the fitting rooms in American eagle shop, a teenaged boy emerged from one of the rooms and asked my opinion about the shirt he was wearing. I was taken aback as he was a complete stranger to me, but later on I was smiling when I thought about that incident. So you see, the point is, shopping is not just for girls; you can have fun shopping with your sons too.

    For community service/volunteer hours, as you wrote, you will get info from the school, plus YMCA, red cross, public library, elementary schools, et al have options too.

    And in high school years, especially if they are in honors and AP classes, they donot get much free time for hanging out with friends anyways. The projects, assignments, homework take up a lot of their time, not to forget after school clubs etc.

    Omg, I wrote a long post...sorry few points may be repititive as I started replying without reading all replies;)

    So hang in there, and enjoy.
    Cheers!
     
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