I still don't get it. Why not simply apply and try? Why think so much? If they ignore your application, will it reflect negatively in any way on you? What is the purpose of dissecting the past so much in your mind and thinking so much about the possible results?
If they reject me, it will definitely hurt me. Once i was an adored staff there and my heart yearns to that work life. Resigning from my favorite office is one thing, but getting rejected is another thing. With former, I always had a hope to get back there.. If not today, at least one day. Perhaps pointless hope. But i felt good about that. But if i get rejected this time, it would shatter my hope forever. Its not easy. As i told you, it is not something about trying for a job. It is beyond that.