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Worried About My 4 Year Old Kid Stubborn Nature

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by Sweetygals, Sep 17, 2019.

  1. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    For the points below, I will suggest based on what I would have done. Do understand that parenting varies from person to person.

    First of all, will figure out why she takes that decision n what makes her think that she has to take that decision that am not going to eat or do anything.

    Solution: ‘whenever you take a decision to not eat or do anything. I will make it a plus one, so it’s not one day, it will be two days where you will starve, away from any snacks for 4 days n not do anything means, standing in that corner or jus sitting. Not doing anything right, so be still.’

    Figure out if there’s anything she likes more, gadgets, toys, anything. Take those away. N mom n dad not talkin, make it bigger impact like not taking her out or cutting some privileges.

    Ignoring the tantrums, even a hundred times is the only way out. Why I say hundred times, because she already saw the result, she wins, to change this mindset it takes a bit longer period.

    Not right attitude. Parents are everything to the kids. If we give up, it’s only downhill for the kids from there. Don’t do that. Change your parenting style. Disciplining kids doesn’t mean hitting them, abusing, yelling, belting, or anything like that. It’s about taking a stronger stand n teaching them what’s right n wrong. N ensuring we find a way to make them listen to us.
     
  2. Sweetygals

    Sweetygals Bronze IL'ite

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    Let me tell her routine.
    Morning 6.45: wake up, brushing, bathing
    Morning 7:15: break fast and milk. If she is in good mood she will eat and also milk. If not only drama.
    Her general breakfast menu either 1 idly, or some cereal or 1 egg or 1 banana. Other than this she wont touch in the morning.
    I will feed her breakfast. If i dont feed her she dont care.
    Morning 8 am: dropping her to school by walking. 10 mins walkable distance
    Afternoon 12.45 pm : Her lunch time she is fed by my maid. Again if we are going to ask to eat on her own. Either she wont or just eat only 2 spoons for 1 hour.
    Afternoon 2.30/3.30 pm: Nap time. Even if she dont eat anything she will definitely sleep. Otherwise she will become cranky
    Evening 4.30 / 5 pm: Milk or fruits. Depends upon her preference.
    Play time 5.30 to 7 pm: in park. There is nearby park where she plays with kids.
    Night 7.30 pm: I reach home and be with her for sometime and start eating dinner with her. It will start like she will eat on her own. But definitely she wont. So i end up feeding food.
    8.30 pm: Reading books with her, Singing songs for fun, Milk , Brushing
    9.30 pm: Sleeping


    And the most bad habit of her. She wil keep food in her mouth and chew and swallow it on her convenient time. What ever u do she dont care. So her meal time takes 1 hour minimum.
    So most of the time goes for her eating.
    :coldsweat::coldsweat::coldsweat::coldsweat:

    And the comments on my dd from my dh is because of my mil. She was taking care of my dd for almost 3 months. When i delivered my 2nd one. So she got frustrated with dd attitude and gave such comments.
    Usual comments like i take care only about my job. Not paid attention to my dh / dd. My dd is not eating. And she was not brought up well by me. Whereas my sil left her bank job just for her son. And she has brought him up so well.
    For me only money and my job is important. Im so selfish.

    My dh typical mumma boy. Follows her words.

    But i know i can change her and she is very small. But how to do it only i dknow.
    I cant afford to leave job and be with her full time to change her stubborn nature.
     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2019
  3. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    https://www.amazon.com/Setting-Limits-Strong-Willed-Revised-Expanded/dp/0770436595/ref=sr_1_4?crid=2UQ8D0X1RXUTY&keywords=how+to+discipline+your+strong+willed+child&qid=1568859966&sprefix=how+to+discipl,aps,558&sr=8-4

    I read so much material, so much to take, one day at a time, working on it, but over all, parents ,we have to be consistent in setting rules, trying again and again till they give up. ex: super nanny videos, even kid comes out 15 times also , you just put them on bed and come out. in one week kid is fixed for bed time routine.

    2) Routines are important , so they know after dinner, brush,story time/sleep. same for morning routine: brush/shower/breakfast /daycare time like that.

    3) spending fun time together also makes them listen to you, like rough housing. making them laugh a lot.
    4) Hug and kiss and let them know we love.
    5) don't shout or get angry on them , all the work done by you go reverse, instead stay strict without harsh words, but say it is our routine/time to sleep
    6) taking parks to play and arrange play dates at home. My kid liked play dates arranged at home, I took park almost everyday, weekends with very busy schedule , health issues etc. That's why i say each day with its own challenges.
    7)less or no screen time also made a difference, without that we have time to spend together, do small chores together, read together, even walk for 10 min together talking.. all helped.
    8)parents both on same rules,
    9) spendingtime all family members together,
    10) point system for his tablet/iPad. if he is mean or something takeout his tablet time.
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2019
    Sweetygals likes this.
  4. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    1) when you go to shop/mall, take her when not tired or hungry and not sleep time, so mornings after breakfast is the best
    2) tell her before what to buy, ask her to write a list, if she can write , you guiding spellings, let her bring to shop and pick those items. Give her option what snack she wants to buy. Toys tell her only for birthday or she gets some work done like getting yearly doctor appointment or with her earned points when reached certain limit.
    she feels more control on her stuff.
    3) if she throws tantrum, don't give-in. Take her out, if not coming pick her up, let her sit in car. cry and let cool down there.
    4) after that don't talk about that episode at all, giver her water or snack tell you going home cancelled all the plan. if you talk again about the tantrum, she feels you giving importance to that and will do again, if she gets no attention then it will slowly stop .
    5)takes lot of time, you need to keep taking her out and practice the methods.
    when the kids are younger, start these enforcing limits.
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2019
  5. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    The child isn't stubborn...
    Indian kids eat on a slow pace , I have 7 cousins all my cousin's kid eat like 1 hr or more. My kid eats 45 min to 1.5 hrs depending on her hunger or the her favorite food.
    Please ignore mil comments, she wantedly compares her eversunshine daughter to normal mom. No one is perfect here.

    Pls set boundaries little by little.
    My daughter was extremely strong willed she would close her mouth won't open for 20 min when she was baby till 3 yrs.

    After sending school I could see changes.
    I too learnt how to manage her happiness not her.
    Maybe she got closed up, craving for your attention after her sibling came. My mom tells me after she had my sister for one month I Didn't go near her. Was cranky, crying , throwing tantrums I was barely 3 yrs then. Pls understand the world from her side.

    You take her to park spend some time only for her. No talking about others, other events ..only her.
    I too had tough time like most of the moms. Slowly situation will improve. I stopped raising my voice, stopped pointing out if she spills water milk, stopped yelling, stopped giving Gyan on everything.
    It's okay she is a child.
    My dd created huge issue for food , daily she will make dance to her times. If I made idli, she would want dosa, again I make dosa, she would ask always idli dosa... She was behaving like MIL's grandma.
    She would find reasons to eat out or junk food. I stopped giving in.
    Set healthy boundaries... You can eat Maggi or pizza only once a month. Icecream only if she reads / writes.
    Play out side after she finishes her homework.

    Award her, it works charm. Give her task completed, good job, great work, good / needs improvement stickers.
    I have a board with column and rows for a week,and starting from bath, brush to night dinner, reading, writing, behavior chart.
    Then dd made a similar chart for me good mom bad mom coloumn would tick for everyday.

    No screen time. I realized the tv, tabs, phones are constant hindrances. One my dd was watching TV non stop in Netflix I asked will you be ever satisfied with cartoons, she asked you,t dad watch why you complaint ?
    I felt a tight slap. Cutdown tv to 20 min or one episode of a series to myself and her. She would immediately switch off before next episode starts.
    For phone, iPad max screen time is 2 hrs.
    Win-win.
    Let her be child.
    https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-In...innocence+to+innersense&qid=1569001763&sr=8-3

    Most of parenting books are based on Western culture, it wouldn't as suitable for us. Try this it's good.
    Don't let a confident, opinion oriented child down because of others comments .
    Tell your self
    Your are working for her. Yes money is important to pay school college fees.
     
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  6. Sweetygals

    Sweetygals Bronze IL'ite

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    Ha Ha. I love these lines. As my daughter is also like this. Many times i used to think my MIL also i can manage with the tactics i learn from here. But my daughter i could not and becoming helpless.

    So what do u do when kids eat nothing in morning that is before school (8am she leaves for school).
    After school, lunch she will eat as she will be hungry and tired. But every morning my kid is so stubborn that she wont eat anything. Regardless of whatever i offer. Only milk is enough. Sometimes drink milk and vomit and just like that go to school.

    So what is the strategy u all follow ?
     
  7. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    My kid likes sweet , so she eats idli & coconut or date sugar or milk alone, mornings always tough don't ask me :weary::BangHead:
     

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