Working women make a difference than non-working women!

Hi ILs,

Nice topic...

It all depends on the nature of job, work timings, how co-operative the family members are and how well a married woman and mom can manage both work and home.

I was in the IT field and employed in Bangalore for 5 yrs. Last yr I quit my job to be with my husband in US.

Being a working woman, you definitely feel independant and more confident , the family income is a lot better (which definitely helps... because it is a fact that in families where both husband and wife work, there is more financial stability).In IT especially the pay is great.
You just feel proud of your achievements.
I do have a lot of respect for women who excel in the career front, because I know it is not an easy thing to do.

But in my experience working in a hectic job in a city like Bangalore, I have seen many women struggling to strike a balance.
For an IT professional in a responsible position a typical day goes like this-
1. On a typical day, we leave home to office at 7.30am. Thanks to the Bangalore traffic, it takes 60-90 mins to reach office.

2. Usually the day is not relaxing. There are often on-fire situations that keep you on your toes all day.

3. Leaving office at 6pm is not always an option. Even if we try our best to finish the work off before 6pm, we have to stay late for calls with US clients. There are many days when the late stays extend to 10-11pm at night also.

4. Best case, even if you leave office at 6pm, again the horrible traffic and you reach home around 7.30pm.

5. Reach home, cook supper, do some cleaning up. If you have kids, spend some time with them and go to sleep.

Many of my friends with kids who were working with me were upset because they were finding it hard to manage everything. Most of them said that 'When I leave home in morning, my baby is sleeping and by the time I am back , the baby is already gone to sleep.... so most of the week days, I hardly get to be with the baby'.Well, it is sometimes too much of sacrifice career women have to make.

There are some of my friends who just had 'enough' of this and finally decided to comprmise their career to focus on their family.

Sorry about the very long post.. what i personally feel about the matter is that it really depends on our circumstances.In some cases(i am not generalising), a lady's choice to be a home maker is in the best interest of herself and her family and they do make a lot of difference too.
The most important thing in this case for a non working woman is that her husband and family should appreciate her for what she is doing for the family.

To work or not to work is a woman's personal choice based on her family and financial situation and if she chooses to be a home maker, that does not make her inferior in any way compared to a career woman.

 

hi all,
so many views of working and non-working(still has many works to do).
I am a Engineering graduate computer science and non-working.
even though i never intended to work circumstances made me to think about it.after the completion of my graduation I got married and my husband went to saudi , enen i also went to saudi , i din't worked their because thr was minimal oppurtunity for woman to work. we were thr for 3 years mean time my daughter was born and we came back to india ,since my daughter was little ,i never thought of work.after that we came to uk and she was little and i never tried to work.after some time my second daughter was born ,mean time my husband had a major surgery.and this made me think that i should have worked ,that would have built up my confidence.now after 8 years all my knowledge are evoporated.i cant work in that field.i am adjusted to house work.
and working woman are more respected in family like inlaws,sister-inlaw and even husband because they earn money and we dont.that is my feeling ,sorry if it hurts the other
i think it is too long that it will bore u all.but any how this is my opinion:rotflbonk

 

A good topic,

I think that woman make a difference to this world :cheers. Though I am working I think that the work done by stay at home moms is not appreciated. Mainly because it cannot be equated with money. A stay at home mom spends her day cooking, cleaning and taking care of kids. No one notices that. But if she neglects her job even for a day, dh will comment on the left over food, the kids will complain about not having their uniforms ironed and the baby will be red in the butt. (because the diaper was not changed.)

However, at work we many times take it easy and check out the forums on IL or go shopping during the lunch time. Even if this is noticed, the boss will not comment. If he does comment, it will be 'Mind needs rest too .....'

If the house of a working mom is neglected the family comments usually are 'Must have been very busy at work .. .poor thing she can't manage everything.....'

So my hats off :thumbsup to the stay at home moms.

 

I also believe there is nothing stupid about discussing this.. I read through the many responses and I appreciate everyone's views on this. I believe the PERCEPTION of woman is changing from the times of our mothers and grandmothers.

I have been a full-time employee, and a housewife (I know it may not be a poilitically correct word anymore, so I am using it for myself, not generalizing its usage) and now I work part of the year. I strongly believe I have turned out a better adult and individual because my mother never worked out of home and was always there when I and my sister came back from school - she was always ready with hot snacks and ready with an ear for our little everyday school problems, homework issues, "aaj pata hai kya hua" tirades....I appreciate her for her time and I acknowledge fully the meaning of the sacrifice she made of a possible career for us.

That said, in the days of our mothers and grandmothers the influence of having one's own career and money was not so expected nor as personally necessary as in our day. My mother lived in a city full of her in-laws and was always on her feet going to this house or that or arranging our own house for someone's visit. While it was an overall fruitful and happy experience as a child to grow up among relatives, I wonder what would have happened if my mom didnt have all these people in town? With her active mind I am sure she would have got bored and dull with nothing to do but take care of us. Our grandmothers were unfortunately not given the opportunity for education and higher education that we have, so it probably never occured to them that having a career would be necessary for their self-respect or respect from others - mind you, precisely for the reason of such a lack of opportunity, the society in those days was such that our grandmothers were respected for DIFFERENT reasons than women are respected today. Even today my grandmother is the matron of the colony. Eeveryone approaches her for any new recipe, any new knitting style or wedding consultations. Such respect is a reward for the compassionate, hardworking, social life she has led! How can anyone deny that fact??

But again, to directly compare the society and the hardwork of our mother and grandmothers to today's society and our hardwork is not entirely fair I feel. They truly did the best they could with what they were allowed in their days. Now-a-days the expectations have equaled of a son and daughter and rightly so! Today the society is different, the familial needs are different, therefore slowly the reasons from which the respect/pride for a wife, mother, daughter arise are undergoing a change. The basic fundamentals for respecting a woman will always remain the same (as for a man, for that matter!) - that she is strong, sincere, giving, hardworking and a source of cheer and joy to her family. But in this generation, I agree with Dimmi, that the pride a matured, educated and broad minded husband feels for his wife with a career MIGHT be more than he would feel for a home manager wife. Of course, if financial need is there then the expectation of her working increases even more, but even if financial need is not there in my experience I have seen men of my generation glow with respect and pride while saying "My wife works with so-an-so company as such-and-such professional" than saying "My wife did MS in computers and right now is taking care of our kids".... or a father who slogged as much for his daughter's education as for his son to say "My daughter is a professional working with a Fortune 500 company" than to say "My daughter is married...." Again, basically every father wants his daughter to be married and be happy as his first priority, but then so it is for his son! Just like parents want son and daughter-in-law to be happy before anything else, they do want the son to be the provider! Similarly, although the woman's role has not yet reached the expectation of the provider of the family, it is slowly inching towards being atleast financially productive.

I hope nobody misunderstands my opinion here as undervaluing a home manager's role in a family or her contribution to the society! My agreement is not even necessary to the truth that both home managers and career women make their own contribution to the society and to their family. I also respect as some others have noted before me that whether a qualified woman should work or not entirely depends on their circumstance, and the decision of the couple - I totally respect that and I am not passing a judgement on qualified women who choose to take a break from their careers to take care of their little kids/can't work due to visa reasons, health reasons etc. I am simply stating an opinion, that in today's generation and society, when most of us are as educated as our husbands we must try to contribute to the finances of the family as much as possible in order to get the same self-respect, and respect of the husband and the society as our mothers and grandmothers had received in their days without doing so.

Sadly, the full-time home manager's job now-a-days is becoming more and more thankless Like some have said, she works so much and is not still for a minute, yet she has to listen to complains about the home, food from husband and children, while a woman who brings in a paycheck and keeps the house unclean is given an excuse! How very unfair.

But somehow (again, I think its because of the happening equality of sexes) the expectations from women are increasing. Its like saying..with greater power comes greater responsibility....:thumbsup The greater opportunities we have got necessiate our putting them to good use in order to live upto our deserving them.

Sunita

 

Ya sure working women make a lot of difference because

All the women's in today's society are educated and have gained knowledge to a certain extend but when they get married and settle in life some women donot go out for work and look after the household chores and become tired have a short nap in the afternoon then everyone reaches home by evening have to do all the works for them like bringing child from school going to market looking after the home and hardly there is time for them to sit and analyse and build up their knowledge.

So there is no chance or less chance of building their knowledge.

Working womens have lots of friends and meet lots of people day by day while travelling,in office,in canteen makes them build knowledge and experience

Secondly the women who are working have a systematic schedule

get up do all the household works and run to their work in time.

This makes working women systematic and brisk,whereas this a lacking in home makers they are slow in doing their work as they can adjust their timings.

Moreover working womens are independent No need of running behind a man for money because i have seen many man dominating women and not giving her money to spend.

Working women gain respect and good status in the society compared to non working womens.

I am not against non working women but working women make a lot of sacrifice.

just ask the non working women to travel the distant working women does.

She wil go but after coming she wil say "My head is paining.legs are paining and etc etc"

Just think about the working women she works there woth lots of pressures comes home Does the work and satisfies everyone at home.

ladies its really very difficult.

im writting this not as my opinion but as my experience.

My sweet mom works as a teacher she travels so long to reach to her school after doing the house chores and returns at evenings and does all the work I know the difficulties the working women face.

Hatsoff to my mom and also to all working womens.

 

I agree with your point Working women make a difference becos they do dual role. They strike very good balance between personal and official.We have to appreciate them. From my experience Working women strain too much mentally and physically but not the non working women. The present work atmosphere is so worse, My advise for women is to be at home and enjoy homely life than carried away by the salary and position. Excuse me If I had hurt any one.

 

Prettina,

I have been in both shoes - a career women and a homemaker and I do appreciate women who excel in their career and at the same time balance out work and family.

But in your post there are too many generalisations /assumptions you have made about home makers on which I beg to differ.

You have assumed that homemakers are uneducated/unqualified to work and you have generalised that they are just lazy couch potatoes who just stay at home doing nothing useful and eat and sleep all day.

Both these are not true. It is pretty obvious from your post that you are working and looks like you dont have kids yet.You are free to hold your opinions in this matter,but unless you know how life is like for a homemaker, it is not fair to make such generalisations.

I disagree that all working women are more systematic and brisk than homemakers. Not every working woman has a very very hectic and demanding career where they do productive work every single minute they are in office. What you said about homemakers may be true in some cases, but it is not fair to generalise without fully knowing how it is to be in a typical homemaker's shoes.

Back in my hometown in India, I know typical middle class homemakers whose day starts at 5am when they wake up, cooking breakfast and lunch, packing lunch for husband and kids who go to school, bathe and get school going kids ready,take care of babies /toddlers who are at home all day while doing cooking, cleaning up, laundry,grocery shopping, managing budget etc etc. In most average middle class families, usually the homemakers manage without servants.

Forget all the above things , just ask a stay-at-home mom if it is an easy job having to take care of a baby ALONE on your own all day. You have to be around the baby always, get his special baby foods ready,feed him at regular intervals (which can be very hard if the baby is not co-operative), change his diapers atleast 5 times a day, clean him up each time, wash the babies clothes etc etc... the list extends much longer.Trust me, this is not cakewalk... and it is much more hectic and demanding than 8 hrs of office work or teaching.

What you have said is very true in the case of husbands who are male chauvanists and who dont respect his wife or women in general. But,there are many men who appreciate their homemaker wives for taking care of home and kids.

A qualified woman working or not working is her personal choice. If she decides not to work, she doesnt have an income, but I dont agree that she becomes any less respectable or her status is affected because of that.

In the case of a working woman with an infant baby, who takes care of the baby when she works for 8 hrs???? Unless your parents support, it has to be either playschool or nanny right?
Majority of women give up their careers not because they are lazy to work but because they feel the kids may get neglected when they are not around.When a well qualified lady, chooses to give up her career and income to be around for her baby and to take care of her family and home, that is a big sacrifice too.

Now, this is a disrespectful comment you have made about a non-working woman. Comeon Prettina, get real. What is the distance you are talking about?? 100Kms a day one way?? The reason she is not travelling is because she doesnt have to and it is just that it is not part of her daily routine.What makes you generalise that a homemaker is not capable of and lacks stamine to travel if the need is there??

It is nice to know that you respect and appreciate the hardships of your mom who does a wonderful job balancing home, work, travel and keeps everyone happy. But without clearly understanding their circumstances,the generalisations you have made about homemakers being incapable is really not fair. It is just a one-sided way of looking at things.

 

Hi!

Maybe working women do make a difference in the society...
but a non-working woman makes a difference in her child's life!
A mom who has all the time for her child will surely make a bigger impact in the child's life than her working counterpart.

-Newsoul

 

Why do we women have to be so judgmental and critical of others' choices? People make their own choices, based on their life situation and needs. Some do not have a choice. To each, her own. Why are we trying to say one is better? I am a fulltime working woman with two kids, and I know how difficult it is to balance work and family. But I am equally appreciative of the hard work some stay at home women put in, and admire many of them on how organized and competent they are (actually, many of them in IL).

Peace, folks...

 

Well....that is a generalization I do not agree with. I do believe a working woman makes a good impact on her child's life too. I am seeing some homemakers who have so much time around their kids that they spend it in catering to every whim and fancy of their kids and end up spoiling their kids. I would like to give an example of this - but I do not mean to say all are like this, I only mean such cases also exist so it is not fair to say that homemakers always have a more positive impact on their children than working women.

A homemaker woman in my ex-apartment was a perfect example for it. Her daughter was her life and the 9 yr old was such a brat! None of us wanted to call her for our afternoon teas because the daughter was more intrusive. The mother proudly boasted of how she made 2-3 different after-school snacks for the daughter, not knowing what she will be in the mood for and inspite of this when the daughter comes home she will still throw a mini tantrum, make faces at all the snacks and demand a fourth diff snack and then the mom will be at her service to make it and apeace the little boss. The little kid took this attutude and behaviour everywhere she went and demanded a particular dish at any of our houses "You don't have mac and cheese at home?? Oh jeeeeezzz....Mommmmmmmy!!!" Her mom (whether she is insecure, bored, or simply obssessed with her kid or a combination of all these reasons) cooked, cooked and cooked. Told the kid to clean her room twice, then clean it herself; told her to switch off the TV and eat twice and then finally feed her herself (yes, she is 9) in front of the still going TV, called her home from play 3-4-5 times then laugh and say "she is so naughty"...

I dont know, once I soon have kids, may be I will be doing some of the very things stated above. But I wonder sometimes, does this woman realize her daughter is going to become a teenager soon and ignore her mom like she is some ancient, embarrassing monument??? Because that is what teenagers do! Does she realize that once she is grown up, she will be gone from her home, and a part of her life to carry on with her own little life? At that time, when this mom looks back, I think there is only the one-way service of cooking, cleaning and covering up for her daughter that will remain.......

I guess it comes down to BALANCE, BALANCE, BALANCE. Too much of anything is bad in life.