My husband job is very stressful ,started a new job and he starts early and returns late.Hence,all the household stuff is on me. I worked as an admin before kids and at that time salary,time was very flexible. Now with a child and certain responsibilties..things are not that flexible. Honest reasons? 1) With husband working in a stressful job,I feel why should I go for a 9 to 5 job for a meagre salary and giving up on whatever little hobbies and time spent with kid.It is going to make life more stressful.More salary means at atleast some emotional satisfaction and some extra help with food and baby sitter.with nothing,why stressful myself and family? 2)I am seriously not that career oriented and at times feel pressured to work coz of the relatives and some friends. 3)I tried part time jobs but not getting any as of now. The travel time cannot be too long,should make sense and also as I need to drop and pick up kid from KG. 4) Right now I am paying for KG and I cannot afford to pay whatever little extra I earn for after care. sometime it is so frustrating when people ask "what do you do at home all day?"..I can give the entire schedule but that won't be enough for them. Sometimes I used to feel like I just need to prove to people going for a job which I used to before but still there were lot of comments like "such less salary".."you should go for a better job"..or"why not fulltime".. recently my own aunt whose DIL is working full time is all in praise of her. However,she keeps putting me down in front of other relatives for fun but that hurts me. I keep updating myself with some courses,hobbies and improvizing myself and home.However..I feel "what if i never go for a job and what will happen to me after kids leave home..some insecurities"
I was a full time software engineer. Before I came to USA and now sahm. I fought a lot with dh as I always wanted to work till 60yrs. Now since son was 1yr old when i came here. I hardly had time for anything and enjoyed my motherhood. And came to terms with being at home. Started cooking with interest. Tried so many dishes and got appreciation from Dh. Even I enjoyed coz am Foodie. I continued my hobby of writing - stories, travel blog and snippets of my life. Now recently I have started working out to reduce weight and concentrate on healthy, less calories more nutrients food. Inspite of all this I still want to work. But clearly I can't go full time and can't manage software role with constant update. Some part time job I would probably do. Once I go india. For your aunt or anyone who talks like that. My answer would be. "I earned when there was a need and made a good savings. Now I am enjoying motherhood. I am lucky I got to take break and raise my kid. I pity some women who wants to sit home but can't. Am happy with my life."
I can totally understand what you are going through. My MIL and her relatives itself are sufficient to make me think that if I’m not going for job then I’m wasting my time. I worked as Software developer for 5 years when I was in India. After coming here due to visa restrictions and many other things it’s really difficult to get a job in IT now. I developed a passion in cooking and other things too. And regarding insecurities any one even with job can feel. Even if you go to a job there is no guarantee that you will not be laid off. I have seen many people here in US quitting job and are into some or the other business. You can also give a try something like Beautician or any other thing , which can be done right at home so you will be occupied when kids leave to school. Regarding others who are interfering in your lives , it is good to ignore. Though I am finding difficulty right now in such things I will try my best not to let their words interfere my thoughts .
Everyone judges. Just have a punch dialogue for them. you think people working don't judge. I am in IT development. developers judge QA as being lazy. QA judges Business analysts . with same developers people judge each on skills what they feel is cool. working people judge who work from home, remote people i do not know but surely they have their own stories. some of the things, i learnt when i was in my break investment. this is huge. took hours and days of learning. now i am better than my dh. he consults me. gym is boring. i went to yoga, hot yoga. met really great people. it is costlier but worth it. travel alone. i drove a lot with kids when in break. this works well if in USA for safety.
yes that's what even husband says but the sarcasm from relatives is too annoying.. I was a very average and even below average back in school.Hence, I was the black sheep and scape goat in my family.Inwardly,homemaker is something what I want to be..maybe part time job is fine but sometimes it feels tough to stand strong in front of critical people.
Develop a confident response for such occasions. Practice saying it till you are comfortable, then use it as often as needed. Be polite but make it clear that you are comfortable with your life choices. People will move on to other topics once they see that they cannot provoke you. For the family members who are genuinely concerned you can take them aside and let them know that your decisions are taken in the best interest of your family, and there is no need for anyone to worry on your behalf.
Amazing response. Yes. When you pass.sarcastic remarks on people who act smart they won't dare to comment.. It takes time .
People's tendency is to comment, judge, be little others, esp relatives - mom's siblings dad's sibilngs, comparing with cousins. My whole extended family works allcousins even second cousins wives work I was working in fortune 50, (not 500) in a dependable position. I couldn't make thru L1b. So held up here at H4 SHAM with 9 yrs expertise in engineering industry. Now doing home chores, never cooked in 3 yrs of married life, while in india 1) started cooking healthy and ayurvedic things. 2) tried many cuisines and learnt basic baking. 3) keep home spic n span 4) my kid is 4 yrs can read write English, native languageI, speak Spanish.I home school her apart from regilre school. 5) we do gardening, just in patio not big garden. 6) learning carnatic, wanted to learn for 19 yrs with school, college, work, onsites never got time. 7) I volunteer in local library. 8) joined Zumba, yoga Yet I feel I lost my financial Independnce, though my DH gave a debit, credit card, bought me a car. I have all Independence yet something I lack is my job satisfaction. It was tangible. It gave me an identity and power. All my relatives used to respect me, since I had a Engg & MBA from top school, got awards, traveled wide before I was 25. Now same relatives ask what am I doing from morning till evening, apart from cooking 3 times. I can't a take a nap, have full schedule. I say I take care of my family, don't outsource. When my uncle was praising his DIL (same age, Engg from 3rd tier college) said she earns lot better than you were earning. When I call to wish birthday/festivals/ wedding anniversary they think I have no work, that's why remember. I want to connect & be in touch since I live abroad. So now wishing in social media. So do what you feel, if you feel you deserve break, take it. Give a rude reply once, people should know thier boundaries. I started to know how to set boundaries. Do that live your life.
