Words and Actions as WEAPONS against working moms

I can certainly empathise with your situation. As women, we are damned if we do and damned if we don't. Situation worsens with motherhood as the MIL radar has picked up something new to criticize us with / use as a weapon.

My opinion is that no one knows what is best for my baby more than I do or my husband does. So if we two have made a decision for our baby, no one else has the right to criticize us. They are not standing in our shoes.
If they do, I will ignore them to the best of my ability but if it becomes too much, then I will set them straight. If they continue to criticize, I cut off contact with them. I have enough on my plate as a working mom to worry about and what they think of me is of no consequence. As long as baby is safe, happy, healthy - who are they to tell me how to live my life?

Let me tell you what my MIL did. After my delivery, she was here from when my son was 4 months old till he was 7 months old. And as you know, newborns throw up. She accused me of over-feeding him because he'd throw up once every couple of days.

I took him to India when he was 18 months old, and the very same woman accused me of starving my son because he had lost all his baby fat after he started walking. I listened to her once or twice, 3rd time she said it I told my husband to explain to her that no one took as much effort as I did in feeding him and if she repeats her words one more time she was going to have a war in the house.

I don't know what he said to her but she has not made any comments on my son's health after that.

And if it makes you feel any better, I have a very good friend, a stay at home mom with a 5 year old daughter and 1.5 year old son who both suffer from severe eczema. the mom has tried all medicines, western, eastern, homeo, diet changes etc etc but still the eczema flares up from time to time pretty badly. So DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF up for sending your kid to daycare. She has a mom who TRULY cares for her and that's the most important thing.

 

SS.. nice one.

I was lucky with my 1st child; my inlaws were only more than happy to take care of the kid while i was away at work; my work place was just 2 mins drive away then, and till she turned 1.5years, i came home for lunch for bfing (and did lot of other chores too when i came home that helped mil). Mil & Fil both knew why i wanted to work outside of home, and helped me in fact with my 1st child.

Its the people at work (especially MEN - IMO !!) in my case who sometimes annoy me with words... some with just their look (when i leave work with kids after their daycare singing & talking along with them - they probably feel bad with my carrying a baby + 3 bags + a toddler next who has to be constantly instructed not to do this/that)... some with friendly concerns say "run, run, its 6:30pm already".. Some could be talking behind my back. I only see a mix of such people. I have a super woman lady boss who understands me, and manages to get work done out of me without letting me make big compromises with the kids.

I have chosen to ignore the bad and learn from the good.. i am sure no mom slips when it comes to her children and am no exception. I get totally exhausted end of the day mentally & physically. not a day in the recent past where i have struggled to get my night sleep.. i tell my friends, i probably only faint into the bed and not really doing the 'sleep' thing these days. All this so my kids dont miss a SAHM much.

SS & Pooja - you ladies do a great job !

 

Yes I know people try to pour more guilt into your mind with already distrubed mom's mind .

Let me give you my point of view .My Mom worked full time and I was under Nanny 's care from whne I was 3 months old .My dad had 2 jobs and Mom worked from morning 7 to 6 o so we harldy use to see them .I never had my dad or mom come for parent reviews ,annuual day sports day etc.SO i use to tell myself that I will never work after my chuld is born .I stuck the words for 3 years but fue to family situations I had to work and now the whole family is peaceful .When I use to be at home I always use to yell at my DS for simple thing because I felt suffocated watching him 24*7 and also the housewife symdrome as you are dependent and we could not afford a good lifestyle to him as we had only one earning member .mY DH was resltess to but his maile go did not want me to go to work so he was against initially too .Now after joining work for the past 2 years I realised my DS and my whole family is happy though we have busy schedules I don't miss a copncert or function at my DS school and I can afford to put him to best school and I can support my DH on his financial burden and I am a more confident women ,MOM and If I am happy I keep my entire family happy .

Now when I am in my parents shoes I understand what they went throu and so does my DS after some years .so don't count on others to certfy you as best parent.Its your child that grades you and not outsiders .We have to try the best we can .Yes when both parents are working the life is a littole hectic esp if you are without any parents help but I feel its a lot planned and peaceful

Thats my 2 cents

 

My wife and I are both scientists. Some of the experiments used to go on late into the night. Fortunately our house was in the same campus as the lab. Quite often we used to take our daughter to the lab where she she would sit and do homework (Nursery school days) or sing songs and fall asleep. We would carry her back home. The kid was with us whether we were at work or home. She even got used to seeing various scientific instruments and things we were developing. She used to prattle about ladeth (Laser), with which my colleague was trying an optical wireless telephony for defence uses.

A few years down the line a son came along with similar experience. There was never any strain (mental that is, though physically rather tough) for my wife, who worked a full 37 years and did all the house hold chores too. Curiously, she retired a few months earlier than she need have to bring our grand daughter into the world in far away USA.

My daughter seems to be following in her mother's footsteps. She is also a scientist and goes to work at 5 am so that she can be with her daughter when needed. Occasionally my grand daughter goes to her mother's lab and spends a few hours there.

My parents never bothered about my wife's working. May be it has something to do with many on both sides being in the academic line.

Arunadhri

 

:wow, Arunadhri!!

 

Read all that you all have written , kind of makes us realise that being a working mom is no mean thing will come back with more later!

 

i am a would be mom SS and i can totally undertsand what you are talking about..i have my mom or mil who can take care of the baby once born but i dono how i can overcome the guilt because from now itself i feel somehow i cant spend complete time with the kiddo
in my case
i am in 8th month now and since 6th month my co workers started pointing me out saying i am back of money and not taking care of me or kid inside and i am coming to work..they were saying one day i will realise i am a bad mother..i really dint know what to answer...all i know is at this time even though i am working i am a cautious mom but i feel bad whenever someone pokes with these comments