Wives Are Knives!

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by varalotti, Apr 15, 2006.

  1. varalotti

    varalotti Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    [font=&quot]"Something About Wives"[/font]


    My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
    -Henny Youngman

    My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we
    met.
    -Rodney Dangerfield


    A good wife always forgives her husband when she's
    wrong.
    -Milton Berle

    I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
    "There was
    water in the carburetor."
    I asked her , "Where's the car?"
    She replied,"In the lake."
    -Henny Youngman


    The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
    -Henny Youngman

    After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You
    know, I
    was a fool when I married you."
    The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and
    didn't notice."


    When a man steals your wife, there is no better
    revenge than to let him keep her.

    I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't
    like to interrupt her.


    A man said his credit car d was stolen but he decided
    not to
    report it since the thief was spending much less than
    his wife did.

    ;Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is
    finished.


    A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does
    it cost to get married?"
    The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still
    paying."

    Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of
    <st1:place>Africa</st1:place> , a Man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
    Dad: That happens in every country, son.


    The n there was a man who said, "I never knew what real

    happiness was until I got married; then it was too
    late.

    A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
    The next day he received a hundred letters.
    They all said the same: "You can have mine."

    A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a
    millionaire."
    "And what was he before you married him?" asked the
    friend.
    "A billionaire." she replied,

    Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
    intelligence.
    Second marriage is the triumph of hope over
    experience.


    It' s not true that married men live longer than single
    men.
    It only seems longer.

    Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was
    almost impossible.


    Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go
    through life Thinking they had no faults at all.

    A successful man is one who makes more money than his
    wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such
    a man.


    Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for
    marriage.
    They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.

    The most effective way to remember your wife's
    birthday is to forget it once.



    Varalotti
     
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  2. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Meena, only one point is right !

    That is

    Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go
    through life Thinking they had no faults at all.

    We know, how correct, it is, Meena !
    Man, faultless - I can't stop laughing !
    Love & regards,
    Chithra.
     
  3. meenaprakash

    meenaprakash Silver IL'ite

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    sure I know.....

    let them have fun Chitra, we secretly know what it is..
    I do have one wish - to see a faultless man in my life????
    and I know for sure this wish will never be fulfilled.... not even in heaven!!!
     
  4. varalotti

    varalotti Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Meena I Spoke To God and He told me...

    Dear Meena,
    Sorry for posting your personal forward to me. But I know you will never post this, so I did it.
    As to your desire of meeting a faultless man, I prayed God fervently that this good, faultless lady should meet a faultless man, lest the entire masculine gender will be put to shame. She (God is beyond gender, so why dont we call her She) told me,
    'Sridhar, your prayers will be answered. I have millions of faultless men but they can be seen only by those women who are faultless.
    Now howzzatt?
    sridhar
     
  5. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    You know what He tod me ?

    He ( God is beyond gender, so why don't we call him He?) he told me" Chithra - A faultness woman is just perfect ! So she need not go to a man & get into the " fault syndrome " at all ! So I never tell the men that you exist at all ! Hence their false notion that you don't exist !!!!
    Anonymous, again !
     
  6. sudhavnarasimhan

    sudhavnarasimhan Silver IL'ite

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    God Has Fled This Battlefield!

    :clapThat's for the FAULTLESS WOMAN! whom we all know!:clap


    By the way Sridhar, where did u get the title WIVES ARE KNIVES! I don't see any kathi vettu (knife mark) on you from your wife....i mean NOT YET! So why this MEAN title.....trying to get even is it?
    So sad our president is on holiday ,but our secretary has pitched in modestly ! [​IMG]

    After all you have called WIVES AS KNIVES, so how can we disappoint you....but u better take cover before all the KNIVES START FLYING IN UR DIRECTION!...we are giving fair warning!
     
  7. varalotti

    varalotti Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Women Are On My Side, Sudha!

    Sudha, First things first. Women are on my side. For the title and the forwarded message came from a woman I admire very much.

    Doesn't the title have a musical quality to it? Anything that contains indisputable truth has that musical quality and is pleasing to the years.

    As to vettukkayam on my face, I am not that stupid to let my wife know about it.

    My God, you people really form an association for this purpose, with a President, Secretary and All?
    Good God!
    Thank you for the 'fair warning' but knowing your markmanship that is not necessary. ha ha ha
    sridhar
     
  8. sudhavnarasimhan

    sudhavnarasimhan Silver IL'ite

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    You dont know my markWOMANship!

    Sridhar ,
    Maybe women are on your side...but not the ones who are WIVES....:evil: and YOU CHANGED THE TITLE, not your friend!


    By the way maybe "but knowing your markmanship that is not necessary"
    you don't know ...."MARKWOMANSHIP " obviously! And Chitra has already proved that she is PERFECT,FAULTLESS and i am sure she will FIND HER TARGET!

    Well Chitra, hope you are listening, its your turn !
     
  9. varalotti

    varalotti Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    MarkWomanShip, That's Remarkable But..

    Sudha,
    All women who are on my side are themselves wives, mothers, sisters and daughters.

    As to your markWomanship well, I can be in peace. Attention, All MarksWomen, Just aim your knives at me but ask your husbands to be at least a mile away, lest they should be hurt.

    Honestly the title also came from my woman friend who is a good wife and a good lady.
    But we will have to give the angel her due. (A Writer is good in usig euphemisms)MarkWomanship is a remarkable term.
    As to Chitraji aiming at her target ...... will she be aiming with Microwave or Microsoft .....
    ha ha ha
    sridhar
     
  10. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    My God, Sudha - don't drag me !

    Dear Sudha,
    I am too naive to even understand what you & Sri Varalotti Sir are " fighting about" with knives, of all things ! I meekly accept that I am a woman full of imperfections & faults !!!! I am living with a faultless man who always finds faults with me !
    You both fight & poor me may end up with vettukayam of the three of us !
    varalotti sir,knife ellaam inimel post pannaathengo, sir !
    love & regards,
    Chithra.
     

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