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Will You Be Okay If Your Spouse Remarries After Your Death ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by madras2018, Mar 4, 2017.

  1. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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    The idea behind this thread stemmed from this new york times article published today.

    The article is titled "You may want to marry my husband" by Amy Rosenthal, a 51 year old Chicago writer who is apparently dying of ovarian cancer. Out of love for her husband, to whom she has been married for 26 years, and as a last valentine present, she thought she would make known his stellar qualities in the hope that he will not end up lonely after her death. They have a 19 y/o daughter.

    All noble ideas. But is this even practical for the rest of us if we were in her shoes ? Is this selfless ? Is this what true love is supposed to look like ?

    What are your thoughts ? Will you be able to do what the author did ?
     
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2017
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Will You Be Okay If Your Spouse Remarries After Your Death ?

    Will I be okay? I would insist! Can't let that all that hard work I put in to training him go to waste! Will be donating all my useable organs, then, how can I let this biggest work of mine go waste. : )

    Seriously, I would be more than OK. As long as the love interest was not thrown in my face as I fight death. And if children are still young, a decent time interval be followed after my death.

    I would not be able to do what that author did. Or rather, I wouldn't. That is just not me. I would leave my affairs in order, write letters to be opened by child at various big stages of his/her life. I write down or type up instructions if I am going away for a week, I would perhaps type up some longer directives. But, arranging for him to get hooked, no. Heck, even my own marriage was not arranged, why would I arrange his.

    All that being said, there is no predicting how one'd behave in such scenario. Maybe, as we contemplate death, we might want to do something big, or do something to help the survivors.
     
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  3. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Life at 50+ is hard @madras2018 and i appreciate what the lady has tried to do.

    I would insist, and it is easy when you are confident of your place in your spouse's heart. And where i stand, i look at making memories and keeping thing organized. The ever practical one that i am, have talked about it and my dh said he has had a satisfied married life and can't think that anyone can put up with his tantrums lolz.:biggrin:

    And if you were to argue that it is easy at 50, i would say it can happen even at 25..

    There are many such stories that never come to light in our country.

    I would like to take the example of a man let us say X. It was an arranged marriage and the x and his fiancee lived in different states no meetings other than phone calls. The marriage happened with lot of dreams but the wife fell sick in a couple of days and succumbed to it in 4 days from the day of marriage. And believe me the man x was shattered but his wife of 4 days told him to marry and start a new life.
     
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  4. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    This is indeed a noble idea. If I was in the author's shoes-- I would leave the choice to my husband. Of course, I would want him to be happy if and when I am gone. Maybe even marry someone if and when he is ready for it.

    If I was in the author's shoes--"I would talk to my husband and tell him that he can remarry if and when he is ready to move on after my death"

    the death of a closed one takes away a part of us.

    The author's husband may never want to marry someone... He might look for companionship-- marrying is an whole other different ball game.

    I know every couple are different and take life differently-- but where I stand now-- I feel the author is pushing her husband to the dating scene, even before her death. Why the rush? Doesn't he have to grieve?

    Is it fair on the new-found interest that the husband picks? Wouldn't he be grieving while getting to know the new found interest?

    It's not easy to move on after 26 years of marriage. It's not easy to be alone either.
     
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2017
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  5. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    @blindpup @madras2018 is only asking about your action as the one who is leaving.. even if i insist, it is the decision of the one who has to continue living losing his companion., but then wouldn't my saying it give him a feeling of freedom from guilt if he were to find another partner.
    After a point it is more about loneliness in the fast track world that worries the spouse is my assumption.
     
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  6. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    Once I'm gone what my spouse does is up to them. I'm not going to nag from the other side lol!
    I would hope that they are able to live a happy life, either with someone or by themselves.
     
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  7. Doree

    Doree Platinum IL'ite

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    I did read about that article in NY Times and it was really really heart touching to read that.
    All that matters is my loved one is taken care of and their happiness is the only important thing after I'm gone. So whatever keeps them happy and sane
     
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2017
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  8. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    I think I did mention that in my post---
    If I was in the author's shoes--"I would talk to my husband and tell him that he can remarry if and when he is ready to move on after my death".
     
  9. suasin

    suasin Gold IL'ite

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    My BH says he wouldnt mind. He feels I will get someone better than him as he will be leaving me kinder, better and richer than he found (!).. He is not going to be around so, why not?

    Me? I know I shouldnt mind, but I am not okay. At all.
     
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  10. candidheart

    candidheart Platinum IL'ite

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    I wouldn't mind provided our son is old enough to take care of himself and not dependent on them. I'd be happy if he marries after our son is settled with job and is ready to live separately. That way my husband will also be happy in his relationship and my son will also not be impacted much.

    we have discussed this already and he told he will not remarry and our son will be his priority, but once my son has his own life, Id want him to remarry if he is feeling lonely and would like to have a companion.

    As for my case I told him , I will not remarry, as I am happy being independent and left alone, so I wouldn't get into marriage trap again.(whole new set of in-laws nooo way!!)
     
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2017

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