Will I be able to hold a baby in my arms?

bukbuk · Feb 21, 2012

Apporva, why doesn't he want you to go to your parent's house for a while? What's the problem with that? Does he want you to be around so that you guys can try again for a baby? it's not clear to me at all.

Here, like all others above I wouldn't downright blame your husband. I think you both never had an understanding relationship, your marriage was more like one for the sake of it. When a couple lose a baby close to term due to stillbirth or due to any reason like sudden infant death syndrome, a tragedy of that measure can act both ways. It can either bring the h and w close to each other , or can cause further rift between them with one blaming the other. Unfortunately in your case, the latter is happening. But the prime reason for this is because your relationship was never good to start, and losing a baby has only made your h more bitter. He's not able to see or understand that your loss compared to his own is more earth shattering. You carried the baby almost to full term and then lost him/her. I don't think your husband doesn't understand that there is no way a woman can know or do anything when she's affected by some condition like pre-eclampsia or an ectopic pregnancy. The problem is doesn't want to understand. He's just venting his frustration by blaming you. Which is so wrong.

In western societies, more than50% of couples past ways after a child's loss, as per the research. This is one of the causes for divorce. In Indian society too, I have seen this happening with few couples where one partner was overbearing on the other by being unable to deal with the grief of losing a child, and the outcome was really painful.

I think no one can provide you a solution at this point, except time and time alone. All my best wishes are with you.

apoorva1582 · Feb 25, 2012

bukbuk, ours was an arranged marriage..even b4 my mrg happen, my FIL passed away with jus a month to go for our marriage.. that put a considerable strain on me and my family.. some of my h's relatives started saying that i was ill luck to them.. i dint realise.. my h loves his mother more and most often will listen only to her and doesnt even try to listen to me or my what i am saying..MIL is a dragon lady.. all my dreams of a caring n loving h vanished on day 1 itself..
have been abused verbally..my parents have been treated badly and were verbally abused.. when i lost my baby first time, i was at my parents place..my mother refused to send me after i delivered.. she insisted to take care abt my health.. i was severely depressed and dint realise what was happening to me.. it seems there were lot of words exchanged between my parents, aunts n uncles with my husband, SIL and MIL which has strained our relationship badly..thats y my h doesnt want me to go and stay wtih my parents now..

now he is putting pressure on me to find a job and supporting him monetary wise... i feel like either i am being used only for *** machine to give him babies or money machine to imrpove his lifestyle better.... even if i try to say something, my h doesnt listen or he is being advised by my SIL or MIL..what am i to do..

i have spoken to my docs when i was alone in the hospital ward.. my doc patiently heard abt all my problems.. her adivse was to take care of my health.. i told my h that we can have counseling.. he is purely against it.. i cant drag him to a counselor.. am helpless..

flowerlady · Feb 25, 2012

Your DH has suggested the right thing, get a job ! This will help you tide over your sadness, give you financial independence . Just ensure that you a solo salary account, no giving all money to DH please. You can contribute but according to a limit.
Please dont preg again , ask your Doctor for help. Maybe he will change his attitude when he sees you becoming independent.
Grab your chance.

bukbuk · Feb 26, 2012

Yes get a job. Not because your h is suggesting, but because it's your ticket to a stressfree life. Your mental health will improve and so will your physical health. When you indulge yourself in work most hours of the day, you'll find yourself forgetting your miseries, at least temporarily. Consider this terrible phase as something you need to sail through, before you have a baby and a happy life again.