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Wife wants divorce - need advice

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by asterix23, Jan 7, 2012.

  1. injustice

    injustice Bronze IL'ite

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    Looks like sheisin stageof not understanding anything, be silent for some days and take her to councilling if she dont come , take her forcebiliy, unnecessarily spoilibg her life, ask her same question will the second one will e seem tobe attracted for life long?
     
  2. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

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    Yes... do this.. and wait with all your patience.. if she understands and comes back to you, it means you still have her chapter in your life else.. her chapter is over.. and you have got to turn pages... :) be cool friend...
     
  3. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    My thoughts too! Trust is more like glass which shatters ... its rare for it be forged back and she probably realizes it. The question you should also be asking urself is if u can put this episode really behind you...should she decide to come back . It is not that easy.
     
  4. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    Very optimistic, goody-goody lines, that can only fetch claps in a cinema, but in no way helpful for someone in distress.

    To the OP:

    Try to watch the movie LOVE ACTUALLY.

    As usual, forget the phony theoretical love explanation lines that comes near the end of the movie, pickup those points that which fits your case.
     
  5. polymorphic

    polymorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    As much immature the cheating act is, it takes lots of maturity to win it back. As SSC puts it, maybe she is not mature enough to convince you and accept her mistake. Or you have to be so patient to get her to understand and win her back. 2 yrs is a long enough time for even a good marriage to start feeling monotonous. Do you think you can take the responsibility of winning her back(considering you have had fights and that you have taken her for granted). If you can, then carry on otherwise it is better to give in to her divorce request since it takes 2 to make it work.
     
  6. asterix23

    asterix23 New IL'ite

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    First of all, thanks to everyone for their advice/help etc. It really feels good to be able to talk to someone and get different perspectives about this even if the conversation is of the virtual kind.
    To be honest, even if she decides to come back to me, i know things wouldn't be easy to begin with. I will probably have huge trust issues to begin with for some time and she probably would not be happy either. But my thoughts are that things would get better with time and they might get back to how they were earlier when we were happy. After all we are both the same people and it was just a couple of years back when we were newly married. Of course all this is only assuming she decides to give our marriage another chance. Also one non-negotiable condition from my side would have to be that she stops all communications with the other guy.
    As of now, i guess i am going to wait for her to talk to her parents and hope that her parents are able to convince her.
     
  7. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    asterik,
    You are not sure whether your marriage will work after patching up right? If you patch up, your inner mind will strt suspecting everytime she talks a minute longer with neighbour/co-workr/grocer. Though she has made things difficult for you, this is not a way your life should run.

    If an adult woman cannot distinguish between office fling & married life,what difference does it going to make if her parents talk to her?A person should not be convienced to live in a marriage. What if she patches up you & years later regretted that she had better seperated from you. No, you don't deserve this woman who doesn't take married life seriously.
     
    3 people like this.
  8. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    My point exactly. To come back from this to a point where you can trust each other and feel secure about the relationship, requires huge amount of work from both of you because trust once broken cannot be regained so easily. Even if you are ready for the same, she also should be ready for this. Else there is no point in your trying. A single misunderstood word or a slip of tongue during this recovery period will take the situation back to square one.

    Are you both ready for this? If yes, go ahead and try to convince her. Else, let her go.
     
  9. kdivya452

    kdivya452 New IL'ite

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    Sorry to hear that. Just let her know that she is assuming that her life gonna be happy with that other guy. It is just her assumption.

    In one sentence tell her that ' Life is not that easy'
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2012
  10. ssm014

    ssm014 Platinum IL'ite

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    Its good to see that you have spoken to the 'other' guy.

    If you feeling that this guy is just a passing fancy for your wife... is it possible for you to ask him to agree on a 'no contact' as someone suggested for a few months. have a 'guy to guy' talk with him , if required by dis-crediting your wife. Ask him will his parents be comfortable with him choosing someone who has been married before..? will HE be comfortable knowing that the lady may cheat him (future husband) as well with another new romance?

    Divorces can be messy....especially with the laws of the land stacked up against the men..besides there are other practical considerations like split of assets, who will pay EMIs, return of wedding gifts etc etc...

    I know that in times like this you may be inclined to follow your heart...but do not ignore your brain as well :p
     

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