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Wife Becoming Neighbourhood For Husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Reesha, Apr 16, 2019.

  1. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Reesha, the bloody nose , trying to harm himself do not sound like the actions of a stable father. In some countries this would be grounds for a father losing custody of the kids. This is more concerning than the shravan Kumar behavior . Make sure any emotionally charged discussions happen in a safe space without kids around.
     
  2. Jamelia02

    Jamelia02 Silver IL'ite

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    I see more problems in your plan. Did you mention you would spend the day time in your new apartment, focus on your work and nanny taking care of kids then move night time to your DH's place? Will your DH agree to it? Just because you have another apartment to go for do you think this will be healthier solution? Whether you want him to change or not, your kids will have more trouble with such plan. By staying close by to actually make things easier so that kids wont miss Dad will not work here. What if your egoistic dh start doing things that will irritate you but by then you will not a have say on it. You could think nothing he does would bother you but in reality that would create a lot of problems. If you really want to give ultimatum, stay with your parents and change your kids school or else take an apartment which is closer to your son's existing school and arrange parents or nanny to help you out. This way, you could also help your DH re-think on how wrong he was to ask you to 'get out' and he will try to devise plans to bring you and your kids back. You should make him want his family back. His family, as in his wife and his kids, not just his parents. After this episode, his parents will also know to understand their limits. Just staying in nearby apartment, helping neighbors have their brows raised may not bother you but it will surely trigger your otherwise egoistic husband and PIL's which isn't good for even one dime. Your son will grow upto ask you as to why you made such decision which isn't healthy. You may still let your kid go to your dh's place on weekends when you are in a different apartment but not same. That's my thought. Anyways, I see you are bold and courageous which many women lack. Appreciate you standing up for your respect and dignity. You will find light at the end of the tunnel. All the best Reesha!
     
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  3. startinganew

    startinganew Gold IL'ite

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    Hi @Reesha ,

    The previous responders have brought out the complications of renting and moving into the neighboring apartment.

    My suggestion is to get the best of both worlds.

    Why don't you rent the apartment but don't move in to it - just use it as your working space? Set up a nice office and go there everyday for 6 hours to 8 hours during your work time. You will get an undisturbed space for working and some me-time for self-care (watch videos and do yoga, dance, meditation - anything to soothe yourself). Keep both kids in your home with in-laws and husband. If full-time nanny plus younger kid accompany to your apartment during your work-time - you will not get me-time nor quiet time for getting work done. Get a small stove or electric kettle for coffee/tea and you can have a good time! :)

    Ask MIL to manage supervising of cooking because your work is getting very hectic and you need to focus for the 6 hours you are away. Don't come back for food-preparation time - try to train your helpers that they can work without your inputs. Keep out the veggies to be made with some small notes on what needs to be done. Or tell them the previous day itself.

    This way no one's ego is hurt - wife is renting another apartment only because she needs some office space - that's all. I also think that 6-8 hours of time for your work and self-care will give you some peace of mind to handle other issues at hand.
     
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