Why We Get Married And How It Changed Our Lives

Monika,

Things are changing; now many parents encourage the newlyweds to have their own independent setup, in-laws house is an old concept and it is heading for a natural death.

There is bound to be some difference between mothers and mils but with increased educational levels, I am optimistic that this too shall change. Actually, to be fair to Mil, it is a tightrope relation between the mil and dil, where anything and everything can be misunderstood and twisted as per our mental state/ level of mental maturity/insecurity and so on. Nothing is rigid, in many cases, the relationship takes time to mature into something beautiful. Btw, I am my mil's favourite now, after many many years.

Mil fights for superiority as she is on the losing ground! Indirectly, dil's position in son's life is stronger! Now smile and enjoy that feeling of power and superiority!

 

Personally, I disagree with this. I don't think that women should be even be competing for "superiority."

The roles of wife and mother are very different and there is room both in a man's life. A mother, no matter how devoted to her son she is, can never fulfill the role of a wife (for obvious reasons) and a wife, no matter how dutiful, can never take the place of a man's mother for the simple fact that his mother gave birth to him. Both wife and mother have their own important and separate functions and both are important in equal measure. Neither is "superior." It's like asking whether the arms or legs are superior on the human body when we know that humans need both of those in order to function.

 

In my opinion, the solution to this is to not internalize things. View life as a learning process and accept that there are different ways to do the same thing. How someone else lives or does things is not of reflection of us. It's a reflection of their upbringing and how they were taught. I'll use myself as an example. My husband is of a different background than myself and there a few major differences in regards to food. As a dil, I don't think that their food differences and how they do things are "wrong" or that they nullify anything that my mother taught me. It's simply how they grew up and what they prefer. I'm sure my future dil will probably do things differently than I do and that will be okay. People are different after all and life isn't a competition.

 

I don't think there is any harm in encouraging children to find a partner as long as they aren't being pressured into it. Marriage cannot be rushed and should only be entered into when people are truly ready.

I also think that there is no "right" age for marriage that applies to everyone. Some people may be ready for marriage at 25 while other people may be ready at 35. My case was the opposite of what you describe. I was 22 when I got married and my parents were concerned that I was too young and not prepared for such a responsibility (it was also an unusual situation and there were cultural/religious differences). It wasn't until some of my relatives/family friends talked to my parents and gave them a different perspective (i.e. that age isn't necessarily indicative of maturity and some other things) that they came around. Two years later, I can appreciate that my parents were right that in that there are challenges but still believe that it was the right timing and decision for me.

 

It is for such reasons that I mentioned the Bonding happens not just with the spouse but also with children.
Anyway not every couple feels that they hate each other after years of marriage.There are exceptions in all things..