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why these husbands are so insensitive and mean

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sayonara, Jan 22, 2011.

  1. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree parents need to monitor children.

    But I don't think it is fitting for any adult to shout at children and scare them. After all they are guests at house.

    I do have children visiting my house and I make sure to tell them softly if it is not meant to be touched/played with.
     
  2. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Tridev, my comment about screaming kids on a plane was a JOKE. I don't have kids of my own, but of course I believe in having patience with kids. When I see a misbehaved kid.... I don't blame the kid, I blame the PARENT. Kid's dont know any better until they're told by their mom or dad what's right or wrong. That's why I believe it was the MOTHER's job in this case, to keep her kids out of this guy's personal stuff.

    I think this idea that kids should be able to do whatever they want and are never wrong, leads to those kids growing up to be spoiled adults who think, *surprise surprise*, that they can do whatever they want and are never wrong.

    I think visiting an aunt or uncle's house should definitely be a fun experience.... but it should be pleasent for both the kids and the adults of the house. When the MOTHER saw her kids acting up, she should have told them NO and given them some more appropriate things to play with or a snack to keep them busy. Some parents bring their kids to restaurants and let the kids throw crackers all over the ground, scream, and make a huge mess for the waitors to clean up. My mom brought me and my brother to restaurants when we were small, but instead of letting us play with the restaurants stuff, she gave us coloring books to keep us occupied. THAT IS HOW IT IS DONE! Just because you want your kids to have fun, doesn't mean you can do it at the expense of other people's things.

    Either way, I feel the best thing is for the OP to talk to her husband and let him know that she felt bad about the way things went. That way they can discuss things. If he didn't like the way the kids behaved, he should say it. If she didn't like the way he was with her sister, she should say it. That way things are not being bottled up to explode at a later time.
     
  3. Tanujam30

    Tanujam30 Silver IL'ite

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    Do you have kids of your own??

    People without kids sometimes have a hard time dealing with children & a lot of them lack patience reqd.

    My brother was in the habit of always complaining abt my sisters kids whenever she visited. In my opinion they were both good boys & elder was a responsible child with the usual inquisitiveness & curiosity. But ny brother had little patience & kept saying I'll teach my children better. now when he has a toddler of his own he seems a little less confident of being able to make his daughter behave like a sober adult.
     
  4. indianguy2010

    indianguy2010 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks for those words, Libra.

    Some of what I suggest from male point of view , some may not. Accept those you found useful to you and to your context with your man and leave the rest...!
     
  5. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    hi everybody,

    this is my take on the whole episode:

    • there is no doubt, that it is the parents' job to educate the children on behavioural norms. if they do not do that, it is acceptable to tell the children mildly not to muck around with precious things in the house. if they do not listen, try and keep things locked up in a room inacceessible to them and be firm in saying that certain things in the house are out of bounds for them. after all the computer or whatever else belongs to you and you have paid precious money for it. it did not come free. besides the question of money, you may have important data saved on it, which nobody can buy back for you.

      but in this case, one point is being missed. op has mentioned, that right from the moment her husband picked up her sister, he was not being particularly friendly. that is the point that makes me wonder, whether there was some other issue here, that op is disturbed about.
     
  6. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Wow ! I read and re-read the post from the OP..there was no mention of uncontrolled kids descending on computers/banging them or running around or the kids parents not controlling them..not one. How everyone else sensed it not me beats me. :bonk
    She just says her husband yelled at kids for touching PC without following basic etiquette ..I live breathe electronic devices my whole work life(things way more sensitive than good old PC) ..NOTHING ever happens when kids touch PC..they are set to handle way more abuse than that.
    If u are that sensitive to kids touching ur stuff..keep them somewhere safe..And NO u don't yell at guests (even when they are less than 4 ft tall) when they touch ur stuff..U are a host ..u invited them for ur kids party..Suck it in ..keep ur preciou cargo out of reach and be a gracious host. Simple etiquette ladies. Next time be careful about the things..or stop inviting.
     
  7. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    I'm so hesitant to judge statements like the one above because lot of times the women who post on this forum say how when they went to their inlaws house and they were trying to be friendly, trying to avoid confrontation, putting best foot forward, but at the end of it all, their husband still says.... "You were not friendly with my parents/sister". And then the wives are left wondering "But what did I do wrong!?"

    So same way, I'm wondering here if the husband was being friendly in his own way, and the OP may be misinterpreting something or reading too much into her hubby's silence. Sometimes I'm quiet even when I'm happy, and my own hubby who knows me so well, asks me why I'm "sad"! :bonk

    I'm not saying that is the case. Maybe the OP's husband really did have a poor sport attitude and was acting weird. But after reading some women's perspectives on here who have had their behavior wrongly judged by their husbands, I feel nervous to judge the guy's "friendliness".

    Did anyone else feel that way? :hide:
     
  8. sayonara

    sayonara New IL'ite

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    Thanks to all for your response and sorry for replying late as I use my office’s computer for surfing (working in public sector) and yesterday was sunday.

    Actually the root cause of my problem is my hubby’s behaviour and not the “KIDS BEHAVIOUR”.
    He is very short tempered and has got very little patience.
    As he has lent some money to my SIL he has become proudy and thinks himself to be very superior ( since he is financially stronger than my SIL).This gets reflected in his behaviour and response.
    He very well know why I am upset but he is so egoistic that he will not ask me and not try to resolve the things.
    If the reason being something else (not him) , he might have asked me several times .
    If I am not talking to him , he will also not talk.
    Whenever I try to make him understand things, the conversation turned up in hot arguments. The ultimate outcome is more pain and tears. That’s why I am avoiding any type of conversation.

    So I wrote a letter and kept it near his PC. The letter remain there for 2-3 days but still no response .Is it possible that he has not seen that letter?????
    What I am suppose to do now? Should I forget things and me normal (as I always use to do because I cannot bear the stress ) or should I wait for his response.
    Kindly help.
     
  9. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    The letter thing doesnt make any sense, because this is a type of issue that needs to be discussed.... as in you talk, he talks, you talk, he talks. That can't happen with a letter. You are annoyed because he is too "proud" to ask you what is wrong..... so what do you call it when you don't want to approach him either? Seems to me you both have a bit of an ego. Please just talk to him openly and honestly. You could start the conversation by asking him if he got your letter that you left on his desk.
     
  10. sayonara

    sayonara New IL'ite

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    Sorry in my previous mail I have written SIL in place of BIL.
     

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