Why such blackmail from old people ?

swarnalata.N.S. · Jan 14, 2012

I just returned from a engagement function in a far relative family. Wedding is in February. Everything they did hurry-hurry , seeing groom, meeting the family, agreeing to conditions etc. The girl has not yet graduated, still studying,and just 20 years . If they had waited and seen more alliances, they could have got an even better boy for her.

Why so much hurry we all asked. They said the girl's grandmother wanted to see the granddaughter's wedding before she died itseems. so she forced them to hurry up.
This grandmother is 88 years old, but is not ill or in hospital ! She's in ok health, but just thinks she'll die anyday,so she wants to see the girl's wedding, so the poor young girl, just to satisfy her grandmother, has to cut short her own dreams and plans and get married to the first groom they found. Isn't that cruelty !

I was very upset. Why do old people think only their satisfaction is important ? And , more than that, what difference to the old lady after her death whether she saw the wedding or not ? Why do old people make their Death a weapon to blackmail others ?

They say old people have wisdom. I cannot see any wisdom in this case. what do you think ?

riefa · Jan 14, 2012

i agree with you swarna..
That's not wise at all..
I guess all grandparents would like to see their grandchildren weddings but this is wrong!
Is the grandmom forcing the parents to do it? If yes then all blame are on her. If no then parents are to be blame also. What they are thinking that they can do it for 'unreasonable' wish. What's so important in wedding ceremony compare to her future.
Well hopefully all goes well with her..

Coffeelover · Jan 14, 2012

I feel sorry for the whole family. Let the girl enjoy her college and may be able to work and get the experience too. In olden days, women/girls stayed at home. Now life is style so different. I feel that if you have an opportunity, every girl should work for few years before she gets married. Financial Independence is very important. Let the young girls grow into women hood naturally. Don't force them into marriage. We shouldn't force anyone to do anything for our pleasure. They may not like it or even hate it in the future.
Since engagement is over, at least let us wish the girl good and happy life.

Cl ( senior)

renutn · Jan 15, 2012

swarna... after reading your posts I remembered my cousin's marriage fix which is happening in feb this year.
Story here same girl is just 20 yrs and they are doing all the hush-push for marriage reason grandfather is serious and very old and wants to see grand daughter marriage !!! but grandfather came for the interview and also for second round of talk and he is perfect.
Reason behind is the same old story girl's family is poor and trying to get rid of their daughter marriage ASAP.

It sounds harsh but many poor families in India are doing this ; when will this change ?

swarnalata.N.S. · Jan 15, 2012

Dear friends Riefa, Coffeelover and Renutn,

Thank you for sharing your views on this.
I also strongly feel all girls should be educated and made financially independent, so that she will not be at mercy of others if anything goes wrong( god forbid). It is better to be well prepared to be take care of oneself and life with courage.

In this case, the Grandmother was pestering them from 1 year itseems. And father also started thinking he must give satisfaction to his old mother's wishes, if not, if he did not fulfill her wish and she died off, then he will be living with no peace of mind and guilty conscious for rest of his life. So here, they were only concerned with the old woman's desire and the father's peace of mind, nobody thought of the young girl. And everyone says, she's a little girl, what she knows, we are doing best for her etc etc. But I dont see anything best for her in this stupid arrangement. She is made like a sacrifice lamb for other's wishes.

The groom is only a basic graduate and in a moderate job with no great prospects. I don't think his family will encourage the girl to continue studies,though for time being everyone is saying studies is no problem.
So sad, if the girl was allowed to study well, she could have come out brilliantly, got a high job, great prospects and found a much better husband.

I feel very bad, but what to do. Now, only praying God will give her a good life.

g3sudha · Jan 15, 2012

Hi

This tradition should change. Then only life will be better.

cinderella06 · Jan 21, 2012

swarnalata.N.S. said: ↑

They say old people have wisdom. I cannot see any wisdom in this case.
Click to expand...

Not only in this case in many case Well said swarna....

swarnalata.N.S. · Jan 21, 2012

Sear Sudha & Cinderella,
Thank you for writing your views. I am happy to see many others sharing my opinion in this.

Aartiyeh · Mar 10, 2012

Its not always the proposal is coming from grandparents. In one of the family I knew, they sensed something wrong in the behaviour of the girl going to clollege and they used this grandma trick to get her married and I came to know that it helped the girl from falling in to a " love trap" in the college. Ofcourse the girl was 22 and completed her course after marriage.Happened 4 years back and her grandma is still active at 76.

CHABOLU · Mar 11, 2012

I will also blame the girl for this. She has to be firm and make it clear that She will finish the studies first. Marriage is no gurantee for a happy life. Education is a must to tide over difficulties if it happens(God forbid). A vocational course is a must. Why parents are in a hurry to pack off their girls. Later on if the girls encounter problems they do not support them. There is one word in Tamil-Vazhavetti". I hate that word. If the girl comes back due to some serious problem in marrriage, she is called by that name. But there is no name for the man. How cruel.

When I started searching groom for my daughter, she told me vehemently that she wont go for arranged marriage. I also did not pressurise her. She married a gem of a boy. Even if I had chosen a boy from my community, I would not have got such a wonderful boy.
The grandparents should be sensible and not spoil their grandchildren's lives