Why should i chnage my name????

Some battles are worth fighting for and some are not. But what goes into which bucket is different for different people. If retaining ur dads name is important to you ..then I think you should .
I personally find ur DHs attitude of "my way only " quite disturbing when a middle ground is possible. Is he this way in most matters ? OR is this surname thing..an exception ?

 

I agree with Sandhya and justanothergirl. I too didn't change my last name after my marriage and my name everywhere including passport, bank documents etc is my maiden name .Where ever I introduce myself( to get appointments etc) I say my maiden name only and I am happy for that.Even I have school going kids and my kids very well that my last name is their grandpa's name.Even if someone asks me about different last name I am cool to explain them.So why worries dear?

 

Well said, CL! Of having caste names as last names.

True that, JAG!
Personally, this is something that I'm ready to let go off for my BF's sake. He would like me to change my last name after I get married. I havent decided yet of how I would do it. But that brings so much happiness to him, that I think I can personally give it up for him. My dad's name was never part of my name. His name was always my initial. When, I came to the USA, I expanded the initial and made it my last name. So maybe I would have it a middle initial. And most definitely, for my BF's happiness, I would change my last name. IMO, it is something that I 'would' give up, compared to the million things he has 'already' given up for me!

 

Dolfin,

These days most women dont change their names after they get married.... I didnt change my name... was never asked about it too. My mom-in-law has not changed hers.. She still goes by her maiden name. (Though she once remarked that I should change it...and cited a really silly reason for that, but I did not budge). My husband and I once thought about changing both our names to a smaller one, but we gave up on that too.. We still talk about it though. But honestly, this is somehting you need to decide. Talk to your husband about you wishing to meet him half way.. If it does not work out, just leave it..

Mythili

 

Hmmm...I see...Dolfin....:coffeewell times have changed and girls today dont think like their moms.
I completely get u...my last name is a very important part of me ..the way I first established myself in the world long before DH came along. To give it up would have been like giving up a part of my identity. DH didn't /doesn't care but even if he did ...I dont think I would have done it .Because of what u wrote
"and then resent him".

PS.Agree with CL and SSC..I personally dont prefer to make a statement about my caste through my last name..like Iyer or Iyengar..but then to each their own.

 

I am married into an Iyer community and I chose not to change my name. We have been married for more than 10 yrs and have 2 kids. We all have different last names and we are personally fine with it. It is a hassle when we have to do address change but otherwise, different last names have not bothered us.

It is an emotional and practical decision to make. It is such a hassle to change names in these times, especially if you are working and have a passport before marriage.

On the other hand, if my husband was Bachchan, I would have added his last name to mine, like Aishwarya rai bachchan :rotfl

 

Regarding the name, let me tell you my experience. I got married 38 years back. I did not care for my Father in law at all. He passed away before he got married. I knew him only for 3 months, couldn't stnad hi,m. Whgen we had over son, we named him after my fil. After that no mention of his name. Great for me. Then we moved to USA. My husband name is now my father in law's name . In Tamil Nadu, we have our father name as an initial. But here when we expand it, it became my husband's official first name. I couldn't do it any thing. So don't make fuss about the changing names. If you want your maiden name, keep it. Enjoy the life with your DH. God bless you.

 

There are several ladies who are using their maiden names after their marriage and there are no issues with their Dhs.
But if this turns into a ego tussle then its bad. It could mean that there are underlying currents of resentment.It should not blow up into something bigger and create a rift in the happy marital life.
The DH could be feeling that the DW finds his family inferior and does not want to be associated with it.
Or the DW is not willing to identify with her new family .
All over the world the wife takes the name of her DH after marriage, maybe thats why the DH is finding it weird!
Keeping both the names is a good solution and the DH should be OK with it.