Why MIl can not be mother

You can not have the love that you have for your mom for your mil, it just isn't possible at least for me it isn't. And the love and respect you say is a two way street.
It is with whose support that binds the family???????? Are you married????? I really hope you are not caught up in this idealistic world of yours!!!!!

 

She don't treat dil as daughter and she is not your mother.She thinks dil is stranger in her house standing,walking,living with her.If She thinks good about her ,treats her with minimum respect ,understands her feelings then dil will see a mother in mil.

 

I totally agree with this,every dil who comes into a new family almost always comes with respect and love for everyone.Hmmm,wonder what happens later.
Like the above said everything is a 2 way street (with some rare exceptions)

I really dont believe in treating mil as mother,I can treat mil as a woman,respect her as a human being,accept her as a family member,care for her too but I cannot give her my mother's position.My mother who birthed me,fed me,taught me about life,cared for me for 25 yrs in sickness and health and still does,cannot be replaced by anyone.For me,my mother and father are unique,even if my mil and fil are the best people in the world I would still say these.

 

Dear OP,
What is the need to make a MIL into a MOM? A Mil is DHs Mom like DIL has her own Mom.
Similarly a DIL and MIL can achieve a comfort zone after sometime but don't expect a MIL and DIL to start loving each other immediately like mother-DD.
If Mom reprimands a DD its OK, but if a MIL says something to DIL its translated into a taunt or worse because the 'rista' is different.
A MIL, being a Mom will always side with her son even if he has EMA's etc , divorces DW , similarly a DD's Mom will always side with her in any circumstances.
On a more practical note , a DD -Mom relationship also has its ups and downs which are conveniently forgotten whereas DIL-MIL incidents are written in stone.
The MIL does not have insecurities , but may always feel that the DIL is not good enough wife to her DS and the DIL is inclined towards her own parents!
Its natural to think,feel more for one's own parents, siblings.
A Mom is a Mom , a MIL is a MIL , a DIL cannot be a DD but both can try and achieve harmony. :my2cents

 

Flower lady, I agree with what u said except that mil does not have insecurities. Definitely they have insecurities. They start emotionally blackmailing the DH that he is close to the wife or her family. For eg, before marriage my DH was an unknown member of the family. No one knew he existed as he refused to attend functions etc. he never brought mil anywhere. But suddenly after marriage, he becomes the Chauffer for her and needs to bring her everywhere cos his mum will say something. Why is that? Only after marriage, everyone knows of his existence and his mum is so fond of him and showering him with concern. Mil is feeling insecure and afraid son will move towards wife's side, hence all the concern. When weekends come, mil will call early in the morning to ask us to go out. And make DH feel all guilty if he says no. We also need our family time but she insists we bring her, her daughter and daughters' kids out.

 

Mothers are like..God...they give us full authority what every we want to do..in job..study..dress..outing...food..shopping....everything..:yes:
And MIL .. how can u wear this dress...your choice is cheap...why ou want to eat this..do this and that...bla..bla..bla..mg:
For mother her daughter is princess most beautiful girl in this :rotflworld...
For MIL, DIL are like..most stupid...senseless...careless person in the world..who just want to misguide:evil: there son....:hide:

 

A mother has seen her child throughout her life and knows her child in and out so she will accept the child as he/she is and will be affectionate even she is scolding the child. Whereas for a MIL, in majority of the cases (very few exceptions!) she will be insecure and have expectations from DIL to behave in a certain way. She won't try to understand the DIL nor will she accept the DIL as she is but it will expected that DIL has to behave in a certain way to be accepted. She tries to change the DIL and if DIL doesn't change herself as per ideas of MIL, she is criticized and called names.

 

Simple, because 'Blood is thicker than water'!!!

What ever said and done, the mother bears the child.. and the pain of child birth. She toils to raise them..so the child (son or daughter) will hold the mother special always. Societal norms elevated the status of the son's mother(parents more like) and as a result, they think they deserve more respect. In previous generations, a daughter was considered 'paraya dhan' (meaning someone else's property!!) and a sort of attachment never happened. The girls were married earlier, and settled in their marital homes sooner. Things have changed a lot since then, and the daughters are able to decide (in most cases) the direction of their lives. The modern society has been able to ape this independence, but not that of the 'bahus'.. Till a girl is married, she can be as she pleases. Once she gets married, she can be as her in-laws please!!! Some parents dont care if their son comes home late from work or eats out a lot or doesnt attend family gatherings etc till the day he is married. But from then on, they expect him to do all that. They expect him to spend time with them...the reason is their new found 'insecurity'.

One need not profess their love for their in-laws on the day of marriage. Love between strangers will take time to develop. Especially in the case of in-laws..(daughter, mom, dad). Mutual respect will go a long way. A newly wed bride has to understand that it is as difficult for her husband's parents to let go of their child as it is for hers'. Likewise a new mom-in-law should try to make the bride feel comfortable.. We treat guests like God, but a new entrant to the family like.....

Mythili