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Why MIl can not be mother

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Neerjavakil, Oct 29, 2012.

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  1. Oct 30, 2012 #11
    bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    She cannot be your mother because she has nit given birth to you.Even our mothers are the same.

    Btw,isn't it funny that a maamiyaar is called Mother by/in law in English?Then what does the hubby become if she is "mother"-in -law?
     
    bhuvnidhi, Oct 30, 2012
    bhuvnidhi, Oct 30, 2012
    #11
    1 person likes this.
  2. Oct 30, 2012 #12
    Neerjavakil

    Neerjavakil Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks every one for your replies. I have seen less father in law issues. Is he not feeling insecure after the marriage of his son or it is in our mind set that mother in law is villain as shown in the hindi serials. those serials goes very high in trp also.
    Frankly speaking I hate such serials where we see mil as villain and the dil making conspirancies against her.
    Isn't it the need of the hour that we analyse ourselves because once daughter in- laws will difinitely be future mil. Don't you think that space should be given to dil so that she should not feel suffocateed and equally Dil should treat her as mother and give her due respect which she deserves the most considering her much experienced in every aspect of life Either we need to educate ourselves and daughters as well. I personally feel there should be definitely some classes for educating both the parties.
     
    Neerjavakil, Oct 30, 2012
    Neerjavakil, Oct 30, 2012
    #12
  3. Oct 30, 2012 #13
    Neerjavakil

    Neerjavakil Silver IL'ite

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    hi smritisinha
    This is general question I wanted to ask after reading certain posts on il. there is nothing personal.
     
    Neerjavakil, Oct 30, 2012
    Neerjavakil, Oct 30, 2012
    #13
  4. Oct 31, 2012 #14
    Applemoon

    Applemoon Silver IL'ite

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    Applemoon, Oct 31, 2012
    Applemoon, Oct 31, 2012
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  5. Oct 31, 2012 #15
    rkgurbani

    rkgurbani IL Hall of Fame

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    It takes time to accept and live with someone who has not been a part of our life from the very beginning. From the time of our birth, we are brought up in one atmosphere and with people who know us sinc the time we came on this earth.

    Getting married and moving with a MIL is a lot different. Because a MIL has her own views of running her own household. and to accept a DIL's new ways are a bit tough. The same applies to a DIL because the only super woman and the most loving woman is her mother til she got married.

    I guess it is the difference in opinions that matter. If there is a bit more understanding and acceptance, things will definitely be a lot more easier. But yes, it has to come STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART and not ARTIFICIAL
     
    rkgurbani, Oct 31, 2012
    rkgurbani, Oct 31, 2012
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  6. Oct 31, 2012 #16
    nandita24

    nandita24 Gold IL'ite

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    I think when relationships are enforced legally or by social custom there arises this conflict between inlaws. What is needed is a change of attitude by both MIL and DIL. Both must understand each other's position - walk in each-other's shoes. This needs communication and resolving conflicts quickly.

    This is part of the solution. Because a lot depends on the characteristics and nature of the persons involved. And as Neerjavakil put it "there should be definitely some classes for educating both the parties" and also the would-be husband. Maybe there is a strong demand for workshops on marital harmony.

    Nandita
     
    nandita24, Oct 31, 2012
    nandita24, Oct 31, 2012
    #16
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  7. Oct 31, 2012 #17
    Neerjavakil

    Neerjavakil Silver IL'ite

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    Hi monita
    I am happy that there is some positive reponse from anyside.
     
    Neerjavakil, Oct 31, 2012
    Neerjavakil, Oct 31, 2012
    #17
  8. Nov 8, 2012 #18
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I think the problem arises when we try to make a relationship into something it is not meant to be.

    A MIL is your husband/wife's mother. Let her be that.
    A DIL is your son's wife, let her be that.
    A friend is a friend, let him/her be that, don't give it the sister/brother label.

    For some reason, maybe to be over-loving or over-affectionate or over-obedient we try to say and follow things like 'you are not a DIL, you are a daughter', 'you are the daughter I never had' 'you are the son I never had'... and so on...

    If we don't expect and don't accord more than basic respect, cordiality, care from/to a relationship, all will be happier. Or, at least all will be less unhappy.
     
    Rihana, Nov 8, 2012
    Rihana, Nov 8, 2012
    #18
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  9. Nov 8, 2012 #19
    Neerjavakil

    Neerjavakil Silver IL'ite

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    [QU
    but what i meant here is if is we pay same love and respect to our mil as we pay our mother and at the same time, we all know that dil is not your daughter but treat her as your daughter then the acceptance of mistakes from the both sides becomes easy. There will be less conflict in the family.
    After all it is with their support that binds the family together.
     
    Neerjavakil, Nov 8, 2012
    Neerjavakil, Nov 8, 2012
    #19
  10. Nov 8, 2012 #20
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    We seem to have totally opposite view points. My solution to achieve less conflict in the family is live separately. The distance will bind the family together.

    The love, care, affection, anger, frustration, blame .... that I (can) have for my mother cannot be had for any other person in this world. Pretending to have it is self-deception.

    All are adults, treat each other with respect, maintain some distance, do not interfere, live separately till possible...

    Anyway............
     
    Rihana, Nov 8, 2012
    Rihana, Nov 8, 2012
    #20
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