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Why MIl can not be mother

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Neerjavakil, Oct 29, 2012.

  1. Neerjavakil

    Neerjavakil Silver IL'ite

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    After reading certain posts an idea just struck in my mind that why mil can not be mother and dil can not be daughter.
    Once daughter in law after becoming mil why she act so differently. Is is not the duty of our elders to give love and protection to our dil just as we give our sons so that there can be a happy family what is your thought on this? Please share you opinion.
     
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  2. vidyamenon

    vidyamenon New IL'ite

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    Well its only because the idea of sharing love is different when it comes to mil and dil
    mil obvious thinks that l took care of my son for 25-30 years,and now this maharani came and look how my ladla changed with in one week!
    dil will think that ok let my husband love me for another 40 years,why cant this mil keep quiet and sit some where praying to god-she enjoyed her life and now she's not letting me live my own?????????

    this idea is purely imagination.........
    nothing to do with living or dead.
     
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  3. superwoman09

    superwoman09 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Neerjavakil,

    Most of the times misunderstandings arise since both MIL and DIL are new to each other and do not know each other's nature. Also some moms are possessive of their children, even if they get married, they find it difficult to let go and let them manage on their own. Its more of a personal nature rather than DIL becoming MIL.
     
  4. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    It's because of the sense of entitlement that the society believes in and makes the MIL to believe in. The mother of a son in India is entitled to certain luxuries like to be obeyed by the dil, bully the dil, and everything that you would associate with the typical narcissistic MIL behaviour. There are some nice MILs who treat their DILs just like their daughter. I know one such MIL. She is really sweet and does not have one wicked bone. The DIL is also equally nice and sweet. But the outsider are forever inciting the MIL against the DIL.
     
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  5. SamidhaRS

    SamidhaRS Silver IL'ite

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    My experience says it's her insecurity which causes her to do so. After almoast 30 to 40 years, someone is entering in her zone makes her to become typical MIL. She can't take the change boldly, someone is interfering with her decisions, disturbs her.

    I too know one DIL whose MIL is more than mother to her. That lady not only treat her nicely but also help her to grow in her career.
     
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  6. Stressfull

    Stressfull Silver IL'ite

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    I thinkbecause of the unwritten rules of ancient times I don't know who has set this double stantards for woman she can be a good mother, good wife, goodsister, sometimes good cosister , good daughter she will be good and sometimes sacrifices for these roles but she cannot be a good dil & good mil god only knows why may be god thought that if at all these two roles also good there will be no problems in a family then people may forget me

    Just kidding but it's fortunate for us to see some blessed dils & mils to gain positive ness in our lifes
     
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  7. Rise

    Rise Platinum IL'ite

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    I think the term Mother in law is contradictory in itself.... u cannot legally force a lady to be your mother by law. until unless the lady has decided to adopt you. same is case with DIL.... u cannot force a lady to be ur daughter until unless she is adopted legally
     
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  8. smritisinha

    smritisinha Platinum IL'ite

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    Beucause MIL is MIL, not mother.

    Don't ask questions and bother yourself with the disappointments! Its better you accept her as MIL and then things will probably be easier!!
     
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  9. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    But can you deal with 2 mothers?!
     
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  10. padmapriya1

    padmapriya1 Gold IL'ite

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    In my opinion, I feel the attitude arises because expectation of both DIL & MIL differs and their wishes also differs in each and every thing.
    Before going to an in laws house after marriage we should not have any expectations from them. we should be ready to accept as they are. the same with MIL, they should be ready to accept DIL as she is. both should not expect them to change for the other's expectations.
    This will reduce misunderstanding and fights between them.

    Purely my opinion (PMO)
     
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