Why I Will Not Approach A Male

I'm glad you feel better after making this decision, but I would disagree with these articles
Myself, I don't believe in gender roles. Nobody should be obligated to do certain things based on their gender. Humans are very complicated and their nature and gender roles leave them a little space to be themselves. My parents taught me that holding doors is a polite thing to do and I hold doors for everyone walking behind me. I didn't know it was expected only from men...
Many men are shy in nature and will hesitate to approach a woman they find attractive. I know couple of very nice guys who just wait till their parents choose a girl for them because they are terrified of talking to a girl they actually like. I feel like it's not that uncommon among Indian guys
Women who approach men they like don't look desperate - they look confident and they look like they know what they want. They choose who they want to go out with instead of passively sitting and waiting to be chosen by a man. My sister, who is exceptionally intelligent and beautiful and who always had a lot of admirers, approached my now-brother-in-law herself. They have been married for almost a decade now.
Anyways, dear ChennaiExpress, I wish you happiness and I hope you meet your Mr Right soon

 

To an extent, I do agree with you. Guys should be the ones actively APPROACHING girls, but that doesn't mean that a Girl is powerless and must wait for it to happen. To begin conversation and a opportunity to get to know someone, doesn't HAVE to be approaching someone romantically. You can begin a friendship, and if they want more and are willing to work for it, then it could be more (if you are still interested)

Gender roles, I don't believe those are as fixed as they used to be. In fact, I think they become extremely limiting, such as expecting the woman to do the housework and cooking, while still expecting her to work... who really benefits there? Many of my friends have bf/husbands that cook equal number of nights and are competent in housework (at least to survive). The social graces and courtesy for men and women - I think there are some worth continuing and others worthy of the trashcan. Opening the door for someone is just good habits, but getting up when a "lady" enters or leaves...just weird.

 

Maybe it is just me and my highly introverted nature but I would not appreciate this. I always found the forced smiling at strangers in the West a bit strange, off-putting and artificial. I didn't like it when it was done to me and I didn't like when I was forced to do it to others. I find the Indian death stare which sizes you up much more natural though still quite off-putting.

I don't think one can practice putting out good vibes. If one is happy and calm one shall radiate happiness and calmness. If one isn't, one cannot disguise it

I would like to do this. But these manners no longer have a place in their culture of origin, i.e. the West and they never existed in India. So, even though one may be cultured and have manners, there is really nowhere where one may practice them. As we know, even holding doors for people in India can have nasty and unexpected consequences.

 

OP, no matter what anyone says, prim ladies don't approach a man...most of the sophisticated/ 99 % men find it very very cheesy and corny and desperate !!..there might be 1 or 2 exceptions !! but u don't want to fall in cheesy, corny or despo category !!..i have a huge circle of non indian and some indian origin friends as well as cousins back in India !..

 

Smiling and saying hi doesn't really work in India. They will just look at you. In fact, there was a lady on this forum who was perplexed when Westerners would smile and say hi to her. She felt she could not be close to people like that. It really was a gem of a message, I wish I had saved it. Indians are more open about sizing each other up. When you come here you shall notice people looking at you a lot longer and sizing you up to see whether you are a threat or an opportunity. It can get unnerving after a while, especially as there are so many of them. I lived in the West for a long time and I was really taken aback when I first encountered this smiling hi behaviour. People would look at you and say "Hi!" as if they were really happy. But nobody can be that happy. Because I lived there for so long I picked up this behaviour and began to practice it when I returned to India. It does not take you very far and makes you an easy target for ridicule.

There are a lot of people in India, many of them poor and they are in a rush to get to their destination. They will push and pull and scream and stare. Holding doors for people is easy when it's just you and one other person and nobody else. Try to do that when there are a 100 people trying to get through an entrance. I would hold doors for ladies in the beginning, but they were no ladies. They would just rush through, glad to have found an opening and then the men would follow oblivious to the fact that I was holding the door as a courtesy. Holding doors open in India for people is a sign of weakness and stupidity and something servants might do. You don't want to be mistaken for a servant. So, don't hold doors open for people in India. In the end, we have to behave in a manner appropriate to our station in life and our surroundings. Ergo, hold doors open in the West and rush through in India. That is my solution.