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Why I Believe That Grand Parents Aren't Baby Sitters?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Myliltwincesses, Feb 14, 2020.

  1. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Yeah I agree that I do like to believe it is a luxury to stay at home but out of personal choice.I am lucky.Though I lament,I enjoy my life to the fullest :)I honestly do not enjoy eating frozen food kept in fridge,lack of exercise and sleep plus I don’t want my kid or hubby to eat out.Make savouries or even the briyani masala from scratch lol.yeah spoiled them and spoiling myself also..

    Also, their grandparents are of no help,one man salary but many earn better but I can very well live within my means no matter what salary,hubby leaves at 6:30 am and comes even well late after 11.30 to 12 am,we also don’t like nanny options and can’t afford them coz my pay is less and honestly,more than luxury it is a choice.

    If someone with the above situation as mine is said to have the “luxury” of staying at home,what about people who are earning double income,help by nannies,before and after care,granny help..if they want to they have the luxury of being at home.

    It is a choice.Some are career oriented and some choice to be back at home.The second option is usually frowned upon and teased.people are emotionally tormented for making that choice..isn’t it:)

    Luxury being at home? Think again.
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2020
  2. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Yes, I agree family Dynamics are different.According to me, if they look after my kids, it's ok..But, I don't like to force it on them..I am living in a joint family.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  3. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    I can cite my family story in this regard .
    My parents fortunately established their boundaries right from the start. They came to help when their grandchildren were born. In my brother’s case his in-laws live nearby and they also hired a nanny after 3 months. My SIL had a long maternity leave so there were always multiple sets of hands to help.
    In my case I had 3 months leave, then my husband took his paternity leave and so my parents only had to do 3 weeks of full-time care while we waited for the daycare slot to open. My mom basically ran the house and took the baby at nights so we were not stark raving sleepless zombies.
    I find it exhausting sometimes running after a baby, especially on the days they don’t want to nap. I want my parents to enjoy their time with the grandkids, so this way it works much better for all of us.
    Again, I am giving my example and it could be colored by the fact that both my brother and I are older parents, so our own parents aren’t spring chickens either.
    I have also seen many families where the grandparents are willing and capable of taking care of their grandkids. The only problem comes in situations where they are unwilling/unable to do this for whatever reason but feel obliged to do so.
    TLDR: everyone should do what works best for them. There is no one-size-fits all here. I don’t judge anyone for their choices.
     
  4. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    There is no single yardstick.Many of the earlier generation children of working /non working home women were essentially brought by the grandmas only.
    While there were instances of MIL s trying to distance the kids from mothers,there were some unfortunate cases kids losing their parents while they were still kids, grandparents had necessarily to bring up the children.My husband lost his father when he was6,and he along with his two siblings were brought up with such high discipline.Even today he feels proud of his grand parents .
    The subject matter is of great significance but has to be decided on case to case basis. Many children brought up by grandparents amidst difficulties rose to eminence and there have been instances of children brought up by parents going astray.
    The proof of pudding is in the eating.
    jayasala42
     
  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    The primary responsibility of raising the children is with the parents. The decisions with respect to their health, education, character development, and upbringing will have to be with the parents. The grandparents have a very special relationship with their grandchildren. To a certain extent, it impairs their ability to finetune the children when needed. I believe your judgment is right.
     
  6. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks..
     
  7. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    Yes, of course primary caregivers are parents always... stay at home moms can manage somehow with less or no support from parents or in laws....but not all moms can be stay at home moms...sooner or later women want to go for work either for financial reasons as it’s not always possible to run the household and manage education fees on single income...what about highly qualified career oriented women who really want to achieve something..or for personal reasons , like instability in a relationship making them want to be financially independent...but I’m noticing many practical difficulties which working women face when they don’t have elders support... lack of reliable childcare facilities, very bad work environments and work pressure with long work hours..babies or toddlers falling sick often in daycare...no flexibility or work from home options for emergencies like sickness or baby falling sick , doctor appointments , issue s with domestic helps etc..it’s very tough to get a reliable nanny in my area..very tough to get reliable domestic helps in my area..very expensive too..as far as I know all working ladies known to me keep a full day nanny or full day maid to help with kid, supervised by an elder like parents or in laws...as there r lot of safety issues in leaving the the kid alone with maid or nanny...lot of bad incidents ...many husbands have very busy schedules and can’t help with childcare...many are lazy after and not ready to spend extra time and effort to help with childcare and household chores...
    My friend told me how she picks up kid from daycare and goes home at evening 6 pm after which she has to do cooking and few home chores and supervise kid homework too, while husband lazes around watching TV shows..
    It’s very easy to feel resentment towards grandparents of child when they openly do not agree to help with child care..
    One solution is to provide working women having babies or kids more flexibility in timings and work remotely..provide crèche facilities inside work premises and good transport facilities....give more options for work from home kind of jobs so moms can work from home and look after kids on their own or supervise nanny...so ladies dont have to depend too much on elders to look after kid..
     
    MalStrom and anika987 like this.
  8. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    Problem arises when expectations are more...
    Many ladies feel that joint family is good so in laws will look after kid and they can go for work...many of my relatives have full support from in laws and the in laws willingly take good care of gc..they enjoy having gc with them all the time and manage with domestic helps, in turn the grateful DIL and son look after them well too...it’s a win win situation as they have support during old age and emotional comfort of son and Grandchildren with them always..
    But it’s tough for stay at home moms who stay in certain joint families where in laws don’t help..they are stuck with all cooking and household chores long with taking care of baby...in laws would want to live like king and and queen and use DIL as maid.., without offering basic helps that is possible for them like occupying kid for sometime so DIL can take rest or go outside, or do cooking when DIL is busy with baby..or looking after baby when baby is sick etc...it would cause lot of resentment...
     
  9. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    I also feel it’s not a luxury to be a home maker or stay at home mom...it’s just a decision or lifestyle choice...sometimes it’s a compulsion for ladies who have personal and health reasons for taking a career break which they may not want to share with others...it would really hurt the feelings and self esteem of a woman for being judged as luxurious or lazy, for being a home maker..
     
    anika987 likes this.
  10. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    You are right..But what will you do, if they aren't mentally or physically ready to take care of kids?? What's the use in pressurising them? If they want to enjoy their retired life, let them do so..
    I know, many in-laws willingly take care of kids and DIL could go to job peacefully..But, all aren't like that..
    Their way of raising kids differs from our ways..If I fully depend on them, then there might be more arguments or misunderstandings..So, I maximum take care of kids with little help from them only if they wish so..
    In future, if I go to job, then, I plan to hire a full time nanny..If, in-laws wish, they can supervise or else I will rely on security cameras..What else to do??
    Situations are different for us and so our decisions might also differ..There is no right or wrong..
    I am totally busy, even though,I am stay at home mom.I also get tired or angry, when I manage my twins alone..But, I hate requesting others to help me especially if they seem to be unwilling or say they are physically tired.
     

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