Why do Men have All the Fun ??

docathome · Sep 27, 2015

jayasala42 said: ↑

Dear madam bmaquarius,
You have brought wonderful thought process.In my 73 years I have enjoyed the motherly hugs when I came back from school;I had been a working mother leaving my children at the care of mother-in-law and some helping maids.My daughter has left of her well paid job just to take care of her kids.She very often used to remark
" Amma ,you have experience of a working mother. You don't have the experience of being the child of a working mother"..Yes, she is correct. Normally we discuss the topic only in the angle of working mom and'sit at home mom' and how the husbands give their helping hand or not;whether men simply rejoice getting double salary, still doing nothing to help his earning wife.
Normally we don't take the children into account because they don't have an opinion, they don't know about financial problems etc.
World is changing.There is no use of lamenting over the 'sit at home moms' and how they enjoy their lives.( Go and ask them; they have a list of grievances;always working the montonous house holds, no chance to meet people and share ideas etc)

It's true — being a mom isn't a "job." A job is something you do for part of the day and then stop doing. You get a paycheck. You have unions and benefits and break rooms. I've had many jobs; it's nothing spectacular or mystical. I don't quite understand why we've elevated "the workforce" to this hallowed status. Where do we get our idea of it? The Communist Manifesto? Having a job is necessary for some — it is for me — but it isn't liberating or empowering. Whatever your job is — you are expendable. You are a number. You are a calculation. You are a servant. You can be replaced, and you will be replaced eventually.

If your mother quit her role as mother, entire lives would be turned upside down; society would suffer greatly. The ripples of that tragedy would be felt for generations. If she quit her job as a computer analyst, she'd be replaced in four days and nobody would care. Same goes for you and me. We have freedom and power in the home, not the office.
See what a husband has to say;

Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC's, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined.

Yes, she is just a mother. Which is sort of like looking at the sky and saying, "hey, it's justthe sun."

Finally, it's probably true that stay at home moms have some down time. People who work outside the home have down time, too. In fact, there are many, many jobs that consist primarily of down time, with little spurts of menial activity strewn throughout. In any case, I'm not looking to get into a fight about who is "busier." We seem to value our time so little, that we find our worth based on how little of it we have. In other words, we've idolized "being busy," and confused it with being "important." It is a fact none of us are as busy as we think we are; and however busy we actually are, it's more than we need to be.
We get a lot of things wrong in our culture
Old is gold, it is always said. When I was a eight year old, some 65 years ago, my elders said their olden days were gold. Today, my son, who is around 40, says, “old is gold.”
I always wonder why everyone's olden days are better than their present. Old music and songs were good. Old films were outstanding. Old clothings were of better quality. Old craftsmanship was worthier. Old silk sarees were good. In the olden days, food was of high standards. Old vessels and wares were of high quality.
Old teachers were excellent. Old schools were better centres of learning. Old furniture pieces were more appealing. Old houses were user-friendly, airy and well ventilated. Old friendships were more reliable.

Our world inexorably and inevitably changes, from decade to decade,
from generation to generation; no doubt about it.
By all serious accounts, we live in a much better time now.Our mothers/
grand mas with old style of cooking with firewood and manual grinding stone could not have dreamt about cooking within 30 mts.

However I would like to highlight one thing, the old (Past) which is very often referred to as very fine, was present at some point of time. Probably at that point of time people would have liked to change their present for better future. They must have cursed what we call ' good old days 'which were present at that time.

Probably we are doing same with present, present will be past tomorrow, then people of this generation may also write an article that present (which will be past in future) was good. I think we are repeating this cycle again and again. All we need to do is break the chain and learn to live in present.

As Kamla Madam has rightly said, no one could categorically decide which is good or bad.If we have a proper perspective, what we do have at present is to be accepted without complaint or lamentation.

Jayasala 42
Click to expand...

Dear Maam,
Just wanted to say the maturity you reflect in your posts on the joint family system and this post is really impressive..:hatsoff.. Thank you for sharing your wisdom .

jayasala42 · Sep 27, 2015

Dear Docathome,
Thanks for your response.

Jayasala 42

jayasala42 · Sep 28, 2015

As the title suggests, men may have all the fun if the subject is analysed from some other angle.
It is reported in a recent survey conducted worldwide that women soar high early, but lose their sheen later.within first 5 years ,nearly 40% of women below 30 years have the first break either due to marriage, resettlement or first delivery.This break is likely to become more or less permanent.Re entry at the same level or same salary is almost impossible.Even though there is option of working from home is there, it is found that after a break of even six months, over the change in priority in family life, women don't catch up with new technologies as efficiently as they did earlier and they have to work much harder to get assimilated into the evolving system.
It is this break created to women due to force of circumstances that make many men have all the fun and benefit in their carrier, not because his wife brings home a handsome income and does most part of domestic job.Many men eagerly wait for their senior women collegues to get married or attain motherhood so that they get a lucrative offer in her place.This condition is stated to prevail not only in India but throught the globe.

Jayasala 42

Kamalji · Sep 29, 2015

Dear Bmaq,

i read with interest what u have written. Yes working women are doing a lot more, even if they are earning, they are working at home too after office hours, the kids, hubby, grocery shopping etc.

in the earlier days most women wer homemakers, it was the husbanmd who worked hard and brought in the money. The roles were divided, today they blur, with the wife alos earning, sheis educated, so why not.

i admire the housewife, or homemaker as they say now, for it is not easy to handle thekids, eductaion, housework like cooking etc, even if u have the maids, and if the woman is working, then double work.

Hats off to women , whether working or homemakers, for i know what it is, my wife is ahomemaker, so is my mom, what we are today is bcs of them.

Great blog, well written.

Regards

kamal

Hopikrishnan · Oct 1, 2015

"Why is it worth it to you ?" question should be asked and answered by both parties, at least once a year, if not more frequently.
If a girl is doing an 18 hr. day with family, chores and work-outside-the-home, and the husband is doing 12, there has to be something intangible that the wife sees in the husband to slave away like that. Perhaps it is worth it, perhaps it is not. Each couple will have to find out for themselves.

I am not recommending that you go and have a debate (or argument) over it, but just think about it and get to "why am I doing this ?" Good luck.

satchitananda · Oct 2, 2015

Sorry for answering here, but the reason is clear - women still have very few PALATABLE options. If they opt not to marry, they are plagued by so many societal irritations, it becomes hard for them to handle.

Kamla · Oct 7, 2015

Dear @Jayasala42,

This beautiful and detailed reply has been nominated to FP of the month by Satchitananda who recognizes excellence when she sees one! Congratulations.

I too read your reply with interest and you have analysed the situation very well. Motherhood comes naturally to us, we just have no choice! Other things such as job and profession is something we choose, practice, like dislike or whatever. We have a choice!

When we combine both, most often we bite off more than we can chew. But not to forget that it is like almost the whole universe is merging together to make it possible in this day and age! Day cares, nannies, work facilities, paid leave for mothers etc exist world over. They may still not be a substitute for a mother who is twenty four hours beside her child, yet, one cannot deny the fact that much is being done to facilitate this modern day trend of 'working mothers'! Like you say, all depends on what one makes of the given situation!

Loved that you mention about the child's point of view in the whole situation, often forgotten! Also, that 'old is gold' being taken far too seriously!

I cannot but admire all the women who seem to combine their various roles so beautifully!

L, Kamla

jayasala42 said: ↑

Dear madam bmaquarius,
You have brought wonderful thought process.In my 73 years I have enjoyed the motherly hugs when I came back from school;I had been a working mother leaving my children at the care of mother-in-law and some helping maids.My daughter has left of her well paid job just to take care of her kids.She very often used to remark
" Amma ,you have experience of a working mother. You don't have the experience of being the child of a working mother"..Yes, she is correct. Normally we discuss the topic only in the angle of working mom and'sit at home mom' and how the husbands give their helping hand or not;whether men simply rejoice getting double salary, still doing nothing to help his earning wife.
Normally we don't take the children into account because they don't have an opinion, they don't know about financial problems etc.
World is changing.There is no use of lamenting over the 'sit at home moms' and how they enjoy their lives.( Go and ask them; they have a list of grievances;always working the montonous house holds, no chance to meet people and share ideas etc)

It's true — being a mom isn't a "job." A job is something you do for part of the day and then stop doing. You get a paycheck. You have unions and benefits and break rooms. I've had many jobs; it's nothing spectacular or mystical. I don't quite understand why we've elevated "the workforce" to this hallowed status. Where do we get our idea of it? The Communist Manifesto? Having a job is necessary for some — it is for me — but it isn't liberating or empowering. Whatever your job is — you are expendable. You are a number. You are a calculation. You are a servant. You can be replaced, and you will be replaced eventually.

If your mother quit her role as mother, entire lives would be turned upside down; society would suffer greatly. The ripples of that tragedy would be felt for generations. If she quit her job as a computer analyst, she'd be replaced in four days and nobody would care. Same goes for you and me. We have freedom and power in the home, not the office.
See what a husband has to say;

Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC's, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined.

Yes, she is just a mother. Which is sort of like looking at the sky and saying, "hey, it's justthe sun."

Finally, it's probably true that stay at home moms have some down time. People who work outside the home have down time, too. In fact, there are many, many jobs that consist primarily of down time, with little spurts of menial activity strewn throughout. In any case, I'm not looking to get into a fight about who is "busier." We seem to value our time so little, that we find our worth based on how little of it we have. In other words, we've idolized "being busy," and confused it with being "important." It is a fact none of us are as busy as we think we are; and however busy we actually are, it's more than we need to be.
We get a lot of things wrong in our culture
Old is gold, it is always said. When I was a eight year old, some 65 years ago, my elders said their olden days were gold. Today, my son, who is around 40, says, “old is gold.”
I always wonder why everyone's olden days are better than their present. Old music and songs were good. Old films were outstanding. Old clothings were of better quality. Old craftsmanship was worthier. Old silk sarees were good. In the olden days, food was of high standards. Old vessels and wares were of high quality.
Old teachers were excellent. Old schools were better centres of learning. Old furniture pieces were more appealing. Old houses were user-friendly, airy and well ventilated. Old friendships were more reliable.

Our world inexorably and inevitably changes, from decade to decade,
from generation to generation; no doubt about it.
By all serious accounts, we live in a much better time now.Our mothers/
grand mas with old style of cooking with firewood and manual grinding stone could not have dreamt about cooking within 30 mts.

However I would like to highlight one thing, the old (Past) which is very often referred to as very fine, was present at some point of time. Probably at that point of time people would have liked to change their present for better future. They must have cursed what we call ' good old days 'which were present at that time.

Probably we are doing same with present, present will be past tomorrow, then people of this generation may also write an article that present (which will be past in future) was good. I think we are repeating this cycle again and again. All we need to do is break the chain and learn to live in present.

As Kamla Madam has rightly said, no one could categorically decide which is good or bad.If we have a proper perspective, what we do have at present is to be accepted without complaint or lamentation.

Jayasala 42
Click to expand...

jayasala42 · Oct 7, 2015

Dear Kamala,
Thank you very much stepping in.As days advance, in a modern scientific world, perception also changes and it has to change.As long as the society evolves,the past will always be gold.

Jayasala 42

Kamla · Oct 10, 2015

Dear Laks,

Your reply had made a deep impression on me even as I read it a few days ago. I am so glad that Oriana nominated this to FP .

Everyone praises bygone days and what one experiences in childhood because those are our innocent and carefree dayas. As a child, one mostly remembers the pleasant things as unpleasantness is normally shielded from the child.

I do agree that olden days were uncomplicated with less electronics and simple wants. If it was complicated, the child did not know! Same now. Our young ones do not think that their parents are going through tough times raising them! They only know how enjoyable their life and they go about their lives with carefree abandon! And that's the way it should be!

Hence, it was nice to see you mention what sacrifices a dad does in this modern day and age. With women asserting their rights and independence, man is lending his hand in more than one way. It would be a gross injustice to say that man has all the fun!

L, Kamla

Laks09 said: ↑

I'm running out of time here so this is just a small fragment but men don't have it easy either. I don't remember my dad planning a college fund, trust fund, multiple car loans, mortgage, international vacations, pitching in with laundry and dishes etc. I don't think my dad worried over instate or out of state tuition when I was in the 8th grade. I don't think my dad saved up for retirement. I don't remember my dad working late nights, taking calls, getting on a red eye flight to get into a school meeting on time either. I remember my dad not even knowing which class I was studying in. He would come to school and go to my previous year's classroom and the teacher has to send him to my class. And sitting up until 12 and then waking up again at 4 and reading old engineering text books just because your child wants to do her science fair project only in electronic engineering and won't budge from her idea, my dad would have asked me to go and take a looooong hike! The world is not where it was last generation. We need to move forward!
Click to expand...

nakshatra1 · Dec 17, 2017

Beautifully articulated ...
some are happy to work(passion/identity), for some its nothing just a triple burden wage slavery combined with slaving away at home.
Some enjoy homemaking , some find it monotonous and unfulfilling.

But the actual sad fact is nowadays, it's no longer a choice... many women are nowadays expected to be financially independent.
Earlier, parents used to advise woman to be financially independent to secure her own future in a patriarchal society, nowadays increasingly the pressure is coming from spouse/inlaws

Somewhere, something has gone wrong