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Why did your Last Friendship End?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Vennella, Aug 12, 2015.

  1. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    I lost a friend who said that she's felt that I’ve always been competing with her. We used to be friends and roommates, she was my confidante. Since she was such a private person, I didn't realize that she didn't feel the same. Personality-wise, she was always quite charitable minded and giving, while having one of the scariest tempers. While being younger than me, she had far more obstacles in her life, that had given her a more mature outlook in life. This made me look up to her. I truly appreciated her advice and consciously or unconsciously, I picked up certain things she did. One of them is poetry writing.

    Before I started writing poetry, she seemed fairly normal with me, but once I started writing and sharing with her, she started being distant with me. After nearly 6 months, I finally asked her why she replied with such impersonal replies - and she told me that I was always so competitive with her, starting with her engagement to poetry. And that she has invested a lot to out friendship and never felt like I was there for her (I was unable to attend her wedding).

    It hurt to lose her as a friend, and it made me very self-conscious about how much I revealed about myself with other friends. I reached out to other friends (not because of this, for other reasons), and realized that I had other friendships, strong ones that can stand the test of time and distance.

    People do come into our lives for a reason, season or a lifetime. Its not always obvious at first, which roles each person has.
     
  2. Sony23

    Sony23 New IL'ite

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    I actually did not lose a friend..she was not a friend in the first place now I realized..so she and I worked together 8 yrs ago and became good friends, she lives like 30 minutes from me..we had chai time, dinners together sometimes my place ,sometimes her place..kids were very happy as they were same age..I always helped her whenever needed so did she, since last year she moved to my neighborhood because she really liked our vicinity so bought house here..few months later her cousin moved in same city, then I introduced another friend of mine with my friend because she wanted to extend friend circle..now she started ignoring, less in touch with me..even the other girl who I introduced to her are more friends with each other now, it really hurt me but her true face is revealed,I was just an option for her..I really dont care now, I am in touch but in limit. People could be really two faced..I really have no true friend who I can rely on..but its ok..I am more into my family now than any fake friends
     
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  3. Karthiktr

    Karthiktr New IL'ite

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    I dint get any friend yet
    So no end
     
  4. KayKuyil

    KayKuyil Silver IL'ite

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    They started getting a bit disrespectful in the name of friendship. Commenting on private stuffs, taking too much space than granted etc. it was getting toxic and had to be cut off.
     
    hermitcrab likes this.
  5. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    I had a good friend in Grad school. We used to hang out all the time. He was from a small town and 10 yrs younger than me. We used to hang out a lot and talk about food and cooking, our studies and research and stuff. He wanted to get a job in new york city and has been trying for a long time. After a year, he got the job he wanted and moved. Ever since we wish each other thanksgiving and Christmas and that's about it. It was not a bitter fall out, but just long distance now and not practicable to hang out or to do usual friends stuff, so i believe that friendship had ended.
     
  6. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Platinum IL'ite

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    if Okay, please give some examples.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2019
  7. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    I ended the last one because she was enjoying being a victim mentality taking zero responsibility and throwing blame on every living being around her ( only plants around her were spared)

    Tried talking, explaining, gave her books to read, encouraged to book appointments with doctors... six months, nothing worked.

    She told me the SAME EXACT sob story every single day for 6 months. My ears bled. Then I realised she was happy being a victim because she does not want to be responsible for anything in her life.
    I had time to help but not for this.. so I told her to see me when she has changed few things of her own life towards betterment... havn't heard from her since 6 months...she apparently moves on from person to person with same story since 10 yrs now... people who gave up helping her told me...
     
  8. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Omigosh, that is what I feared I was becoming. But luckily I changed my life. It’s tiring to be around someone who prefers to be a victim in their story.
     
    Roar likes this.
  9. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    I had to restrain a family, because they never reciprocate the same. The lady would call whenever she needs be it emotional, physical help. Over a period of time she became envious started commenting on work/ place of residence and finance. Untill the man of the family openly said something on financial matter.
    That's the end.

    They live very frugal, no car, studio apt with a kid.
    Kid doesn't attend any preschool, grocery once a month, no tv, no iPad (believe me), no outings or vacation.
    Basically they save and want others to spend for them. Once they calculated how much they saved because of no car, when I bought a car.
    They can't be Happy for others.
     
  10. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    I am glad you did Bhumi :), your future self will thank you and it will feel great. You went thru a great deal and still swam through it. Taking responsibility is courage, I am in the process of learning it too, it is NOT easy!. The difference is that you were NOT comfortable moping and you did something about it. Ironically she has a life that many women would trade in a blink of an eye.. yet the moping is enormous.

    It is draining to whom who want to help her because NOTHING but her story reaches her mind... our help just flies above her head.

    Anyway... happy for you:) and wish me good for I need a sip of courage too!
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2019

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