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Why Brother-in-law Changed After Marriage

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by suna, Apr 22, 2007.

  1. ksv

    ksv Senior IL'ite

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    Dear suna,

    Do not worry about ur BIL's behaviour. What's most important for woman is her husband's love, affection and support.. in front of that all the others are minor problems...

    If ur Co-sis is proud , let her be.. that's not a quality to be acquired..
    Just Be yourself and ignore people who are hurting you..

    Be Happy and cheerful..

    regards
    ksv
     
  2. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Suna,
    One more tip, try to get closer and friendly with your new co-sister. Then there won't be any problems.

    Good luck,
    Punitha
     
  3. GPriya

    GPriya Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,

    My BIL was worshipped by my inlaws for the simple reason that he got a richer bride in the arrnged marriage market. Everyone in my inlaws family told me that he is extremely lucky to have her.. and that her + consists of dark, lousy looks, less than 5 feet height, BA History 3rd class and no job, but brought tons of gold, silver, etc to sooth my inlaw's ego. My BIL behaved as though he got Ishwarya Rai in his life...
    As my mom rightly indicated that, all cosis's + points highlighted on the and until the day of wedding... Afterwards, it is the quality of a bride that is what keeps a family happy, helathy and peaceful. But the quality issue was not even considered at the time of wedding and bcos of that my inlaws paid a heavy price in their life.

    My cosis , from day one considered me as her arch rival for no reason.. But I am MSC maths, working as a computing pro, living in Canada at that time, and from a pretty decent family of professionals, a great cook, an extremely active and organised perfectionist with much better looks than my cosis.
    May be as you all mentioned in the thread earlier that she feels the need to compare herself with me ...and thatswhy she rejects me from day one.

    Anyway I went briefly for a week for her wedding and left India. But in the 3 weeks That she stayed with my inlaws after her wedding, she made life miserable for everyone in the family and they keep talking about it even today after 12 years. Now after 2 kids, my cosis is seperated and contemplating to divorce my BIL for absolutely no reason as far as I can tell.

    So not all cosis can be befriended easily if they are with hidden agenda..
    Take life as it is and never mind about anybody. Be fair, reasonable in the expectations of life and never be wicked in anyway..as nothing can be achieved by being wicked.. Being Good satisfies to great extent than otherwise.

    :yes: Geeth Priya.
     
  4. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Suna,

    You have received a lot of very valuable advice for your post. I hope it has given you more insight into the psyche of people who behave like your bil and his wife.
    You have your answers in your own query. One thing, he is a recently married bil and is realizing and establish his individuality. He may not be going about it in the right way, but maybe time will improve and change his behavior. In the mean time, neglect their games and their taunts and concentrate on counting all your plus points and carry on with your life. Do not succumb to this mind play.
    Suna, life is so much more than these little useless games played by in-laws and family. Go beyond it and look around for other things in your life .... you will surely find plenty. Also, take a print out of what you wrote and read it after few years, you will know how trivial your worry was.
    True, you have to deal with your present, and you took the first good step of writing in here. Ignore and keep your head high with a smile.
    Yes, English is only a language...look around in your own neighbourhood, a huge lot in America cannot even form one English sentence. But they are fine:)

    L, Kamla
     
  5. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear GeethPriya,

    You are speaking out of experience. I am glad that you came to terms with your lot and are now able to look at it objectively and with confidence.
    But putting down someone for their color and outer looks cannot remove the bitterness in one's heart. I would refrain from such comments on one's physical appearance. A person's beauty lies not on their outward looks, level of education or their monitory status. A person is good or bad from how he/she treats his/her world and what he/she contributes to it.
    Life is very precious and we get only one chance at it. We do not even know for how long. So we have to learn to deal with whatever comes to us thinking that 'this too shall pass'.
    We should somehow try and develop our optimism and look beyond the mean behavior of envious people. If you neglect, it sure is no fun for them to keep on at it. It will die a natural death. Amen!
    And all this has nothing to do with ones talents or looks, but their mental make up.

    L, Kamla
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2007

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