Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by aratisajjan, Oct 9, 2019.
Thank u so much..Feels good to see such responses
I had the exact same experience..Indians are so rude n cunning towards other Indians..All this while I was going extra mile to make friends,but this lady taught me it's not worth..I have learnt a big lesson
Why not ask her casually about why she didn't inform you ?
Friends are like companions in train travel. Just enjoy their company. Share within your limits. Keep the expectation low. It is better to have some one as buddy than being alone.
My response might not please you, but it is something to think about. As adults, we have to realize that people come in all shapes, sizes, characteristics etc . You might like some, others not so much. Similarly, Others might not like you even if you think you like them. It is unfortunate if you decide to get hurt and take this personally. Or declare that people are ungrateful or are trying to take advantage of you. There are enough people in the world that might be good to you. Focus on them rather than be disappointed about the ones that aren’t. As far as these “ungrateful “ people do not cause any harm with their thoughts and idealogies, I have no problem with them. Spending so much energy on the thought process on a mere acquaintance is sheer waste of precious time.
I was thinking on the same lines and was phrasing the sentences and here I see it written by you in a better manner
Just going the by gist of what you have described, it seems not nice of her to go the event or baking class and not tell you. If you don't care for these kind of friends, you can slowly cut off contact.
Or it could be viewed in a different way.
You seem to have met only twice in person. For such a nascent friendship, the unsaid rules of "you didn't tell me" apply more loosely. The Indian event, she said she will let you know if she is coming, but didn't tell you after registering -- there could be many reasons. Maybe she ended up going with another group of friends. She might have discussed the event with many friends, and ended going with one.
Baking classes -- You are taking it way too personally. As if you unearthed some less known much coveted baking class information, and did her a favor by mentioning it to her. She took the info-sharing more casually.
And, the call she didn't take, texted you "busy will call later." She did call back. When such call backs happen, usually the conversation is continued without too much dissection of why the person did not take the call earlier. Your "Sorry.. disturbed you, seems you were busy.." puts the other person in a tough spot of having to come up with a plausible reason for not taking the call.
Between the time you told her about the classes and she started going, much could have happened. For all we know, maybe she got a call from the baking class that they have one spot open and she needs to decide right away. Just saying.
She is not ungrateful. It is just that her way of responding back is different than yours. Or maybe she likes to go to such classes or events alone.
If you have enough friends and not really looking for new ones, then, shrug and move on. If you would like to make more friends, then, accept that not all are as responsive as you are. You could do a test by signing up for the next thing yourself, and casually telling her later.
I used to think like you do now and did get hurt often, till I learnt to take it a little easy, and realized that new/casual friends will be different than close friends. For that matter, even among close friends, I get annoyed. I have a friend/ex-colleague whom I meet once in 2-4 months for a 45min-1 hr weekday lunch. I drive 35 mins and we meet 10 mins from her work place. She often wants to confirm only at 12 pm for our 12:30 pm lunch. Off late I have started to tell her straight that I need to know by 10 am where my next meal is coming from. She doesn't understand.
Another one -- a very old friend. I am in her area once in 2-3 months on Saturday or Sunday, a drive of 1.5 hours for me. I'll ping her on Thursday and say, "Hey how about coffee around 4 pm Saturday?" She will not say yes and won't say no. It will be something like, "Oh.. why don't you text me when you are done with lunch, let's see.." I respond, "would 5 pm work better for you?" She doesn't like to commit an approx. time. Likes to keep it impromptu. I like to know approx. time of afternoon coffee at least by the morning. So, it is just a difference in temperament. Or maybe she is single and they more 'take the day as it comes.'
Funnily, when DH fixes up coffee with any of his guy-friends, their entire conversation in the phone text is about 15 words. : )
Coffee Saturday morning?
Yes. 10 am?
Ok. 10:30. Starbucks on Carson?
K. See you 10:30.
(smiley is mine, not in their text. : ) )
Simplicity has advantages, something to learn for many here from their 15 word conversations
I may be the minority here with my opinion but honestly I feel you are overreacting. Not all of us connect on the same level or wavelength. Some people feel the urge to over share, bond too quickly and some don’t. Maybe she is just not that into a friendship with you at the level you are expecting. Just breathe and let go. Using words like ungrateful, cunning, shrewd etc characterizes you more than the other person. What are you getting by building this hatred or bias inside you? Nothing. Next time, take time to know the person, read between lines, understand nuances before jumping heads-first into Sholay type friendships from your end.
As much as u think I'm being biased, judgmental, I feel the same way looking at your response..First thing I never said she is cunning,shrewd..
It's basic tendency to expect a thank you, when u help the other person..I might be overreacting but definitely not over expecting..May be you will understand when you face such situation..
I have already mentioned I have already not in contact with her, so definitely I'm cool..N I would like to give you the same advice,before responding to any such post so rudely,breath calm n ignore the post rather posting such rude, judgemental comment..