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Why Are Mothers Mean/abusive To Daughters?

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Meghaa, Feb 23, 2020.

  1. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    May be mothers learn it from their mothers. I know my mother was never very fond of her mother. I am not that close to my mother. I decided to break that chain. My kid is only 8, I have a great relationship with her so far. I am sure I will be there for my daughter, but who knows if she is going to hate me in the end.
     
  2. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Bronze IL'ite

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    deleted
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2020
  3. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    "Share and share alike" is also good advice for young parents.
    [​IMG]

    When childcare/child-rearing duties are almost equally shared, and the questions of children like "can I have x?" does not always have the same final approver among the two parents, the hatred is also divvied out by the peeved adult-child suffering from select recollections.

    In modern life, since the aged parents do not (should not) depend on their children for a living stipend, such peeves do not affect them in any acute manner. Life is (will be) good.
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2020
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  4. Desiindian

    Desiindian Silver IL'ite

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    My mother was abusive emotionally and physically from my early childhood. From from 6 years, I was able to see that my mother is little different from other moms when it came to bonding with daughters. Only in my late teens I understood her behaviour was a reflection of anger and frustrations towards my father. She took the resentment of unhappy life with my dominating father on me.
     
  5. Whyme20

    Whyme20 Silver IL'ite

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    My mother had very low self esteem. Her younger sister had been married before her, for long time we were told by mom that mom was younger than aunty x. She used to tell a lot of lies making her family look extremely good in the eyes of others. I mean they were good financially and even otherwise but still my mother used to boast a lot. She hates people with dark skin, both my dad and I have dark skin. Sometimes I feel may be she didn't get what she expected out of life but then again who does?

    Thankfully I have been able to end the cycle with my child. We share a great bond. I think the kind of bond I don't share with anyone else. But have I been able to change the atmosphere of home, I guess no, it's to some extent is similar to my parental home just in a different way, a lot more honest and truthful . My discussions with my husband are mostly very practical revolving around investments, politics and all sorts of crap. If he is sick around his medicine, getting things done for him in a perfect manner, having his tests done on time. Sometimes I feel He would have preferred a lot more regular wife, who would nag him a bit, ask him for stuff or just occasional fights, complain to him about his mother. He thinks it's because I am a career woman. My mom was busy in her own world never paid attention to us, she just avoided us and here in my home before my son mostly I kept myself busy with work and after his birth my day revolves around him.

    My mother never had an open argument with her mil she would just talk behind her back with her sisters and co sister's. I have also never had any argument with my mil. Mil has the nerve to say whatever to me, even infront of my husband but I never confront her. once he said to me you know it would ok if once in a while you tell Mom off and I just brushed it off.
    Humor was almost non existent in my parental home. I make sure I laugh a lot with my son. We read joke books and watch funny movies together, but with husband again it's almost non existent from my side. If he tells me something funny happened but at his work or with his friends I laugh.

    My mother is a very good Gardner and I willingly have it done from outside, even if it just watering the grass I wouldn't do it.

    My mother never bothered about my father's where abouts. She just wouldn't care what time he is coming home or not. She would never wait for him if he was late. In the beginning years of my marriage we almost separated. I just didn't know what do I strive for. My mil goes it would be good if you both divorce and I was like ok. It's just that he hung on to me and we are together. I just didn't know should I fight to stay with him or not. It made no difference to me if we are together or not.

    I feel knowingly or unknowingly may be I am becoming another version of my mother just in a different way. When it comes to my child I feel I am surely able to end the cycle, but for my partner I am not so sure.
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2020
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  6. Soch

    Soch Silver IL'ite

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    In My case its Father. At the age of 75, with 4 master degree and higher secondary school master, he says I am male dominated person. To world he act as if innocent. He will do anything for my brother even he scolds him badly and my father left home one day still he feels he is good. I am no supposed to even give suggestion and take decision for my daughter. He asks you are to question me. I should not even tell I am well cant accommodate brother family for 2 months. They will fight with me.

    Now i stopped talking to all after 15 years of my mom death now i stopped talking. Mom had told me not to come back to your father house, did not listen to it, now realized it.

    I was single parent, 8 years back married another good soul. Now my fathers finds fault on my husband and wants me to move out. My husband doent have any major issues, he treats me and my daughter very well only thing is he lost job some 3 years back and now his income is less. So He says whats the point, come out of this life and stay with him. With my brother he is not getting food on time, no proper food. so he can threaten me and get things done. I said i cant come and he left house. I left at that stage. No point in talking to these people.

    When i was with father and brother, me and my daughter are not supposed to get things for ourself, I am not supposed to do things for my daughter on my own. Now I can my brother doesnt listen to any of things that my father says.
     
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