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Whose mistake?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sahityaj, Aug 14, 2014.

  1. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Ah! Okey. He didn't disrespect you in front of someone else!

    Just be joyful and normal. He will come back to you. Give him time. When he does come back, don't start on his behaviour. Give it a couple of days first. Afterwards when you both alone are chilling out, tell him you need him to listen to something for a couple of minutes.

    calmly and without accusing him, say that you both need to set a good example to your child; therefore it is important for you both to work on your conflict resolution skills and on your communication with each other. Read up articles on the same and try to implement suggestions together. Don't drag this incident or become rebellious. Don't blame either. Remember it isn't about who is right and who is wrong. It is about working on both your imperfections in order to be harmonious. If he gets annoyed, pleasantly state, "I'll give you time to cool down and think about it. Let's discuss his later." Trumps "don't shout" any day ;)
     
  2. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Generally it is not the incident that precipitates the reaction, it is a series of small things (either part of relation or external) that boils up and makes a person react that way. So don't focus too much on the incident.

    Current focus of course should be the bday party. Make it memorable and fun and don't worry about small things.

    One thing to focus on is the use of language. Choose the words like "I think", "We should think", "how do you feel if we do this" etc, making it look more like suggestions than a order. "Don't shout" is a little harsh. Make the conversation about issue rather than the person. Instead of "Don't shout", just say, that i am just suggesting that if we had pictures in different poses it would look good. If you don't feel that way, then we can have it the way it is. The trick is to make the person self realize rather than pointing to him/her. I know it sounds too formal but if you are dealing with an egoistic person, then you need to adjust a little.

    In our case, we don't have such moments. Both of us will agree/disagree but within minutes we are back to normal. Sometimes i let him to his way sometimes he lets me do my way and neither carries it further.
     
  3. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Ragini, it is not blunt or direct, it sounds more like condescending. Some things some people do may sound immature to us but may be perfect for them and vice versa. No person exists that does everything that everyone feels is matured. We hardly know what other things may be going on in a person's life so it is not appropriate to call people immature. Just MHO.
     
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  4. kanthtx

    kanthtx Gold IL'ite

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    looks like u r immature in dragging minor issues for days at a time... and then feeling like a victim...

    stop obsessing over minor issues and spoil the rest of ur days or weeks at a time... have some maturity in dealing with ur husbands tantrums or fights and get back to normalcy...

    may be it is time for u to assess ur behavior and expectations, and make changes...
     
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  5. sahityaj

    sahityaj Silver IL'ite

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    Hey all. As guesshoo said, he came back to me today morning. We both didnt talk about the issue. Just wished lo happy bday and were busy with arrangements. He started his usual behaviour of teasing me but am just smiling at everything for now. Will take up the issue after few days. Thanks everyone for preventing me from taking stupid decisions.
     
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  6. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Exactly kanth (kanthi?)
    well said. These days, For smallest of stuff people need online anonymous people to guide how lives should be led?
    on that note -
    happy bday to LO (truly deserves it, as all LO do)
     
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  7. sahityaj

    sahityaj Silver IL'ite

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    Ragini25
    sorry to say this but for few people it may be a small issue but others it may be a very big issue. I just wanted to know others opinion on this matter. I cant tell this to my friends or relatives. Parents may be partial. So thought anonymous people will help me out as their opinion will not be biased. Thats it. Anyways thanks for the feedback. I will think twice before posting a thread.
     

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