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Whose mistake?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sahityaj, Aug 14, 2014.

  1. sahityaj

    sahityaj Silver IL'ite

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    Am married for 2 and 1/2 yrs now. Have a 1 yr old boy whose first birthday is tomorrow. I have been waiting for this day since a long time. Planned a lot for a big party. But everything is going in vain as me and hubby are angry on each other due to small issue and kept our faces since 2 days. Both set of parents are at home. None of them are happy seeing us like this. The reason for fight-
    i was scolding a photographer who gave 4 similar photos after a photoshoot of our baby. He started supporting her and talking in a loud tone which irritated me a lot. I just said, "ok dont shout". Thats it. He became angry went to office without breakfast, talking only formally. I tried to convince him twice. But no use. I cried yestday night. Then only he came to me which after 2 days. I was so pissed off that i said il be going to my moms place after bday. He didnt say a word.
    This has been his nature. He says something to me. If i feel bad he gets angry. If i say something, he gets angry. He goes into silent mode for more than 2 days for every small thing. But i believe that we should forget everything before going to bed. He doesnt like even if i convince him. He never comes to me to convince. Everytime we have bigfights becoz of his silent treatment. He promised me many times that he will become normal the same day. But no change since 2 yrs. he has so much ego problem.
    He feels that i blame him for everything. Why cant i adjust knowing him. Why cant i understand him? I tried lot of times to adjust. I keept quiet for few days. But all the incidents keep piling inside me and i burst on a day . And he also never understands me. He used to like me talking before marriage. Now he gets irritated if i initiate a talk. He doesnt like me getting confused for every decision. He teases me jokingly but sometimes beyond the limit.Am really angry and pissed off right now thinking all this. Am anyhow going to hostel after 15 days for exam preparation, so thought of going to moms house now itself. Planning to avoid him completely, give him the same silent treatment for lifelong even after my exam. Stay just like roommates becoz once we become normal, laugh make jokes, suddenly some incident happens and he again goes into silent mode which i cant bare again.
    Am i correct in thinking like this? Or should i adjust like my parents said? Am i making small issue big or is it the right way to make him understand my pain?
    please make me understand whose mistake in this situation.
     
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  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Since it is a usual issue between you, why spoil a most important and memorable event like your son's first birthday for this?

    Let him stay silent. Ignore. But make sure you do what is need to be done with a cheerful mood.
    Since your parents and in laws are around, make use of interacting with them the most.
    Make yourself busy with the party arrangements.

    Once you start ignoring your H's silent treatment, he will slowly come back to you with forgiveness.

    But I also ask you not to pick small issues like this and start a fight knowing your H well.

    learn to lose the minor battles to win the bigger war called marriage.
     
    5 people like this.
  3. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    As most people here know, i am very blunt and direct in my posts, so here you go:
    two rather immature people have a cute baby! Poor baby! Hope the parents realize that.
     
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  4. sahityaj

    sahityaj Silver IL'ite

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    Sgbv
    I have done the same thing you said many times. But it has become a habit for him. He is repeating it everytime for very silly issues also. Am unable to forgive him now becoz he is doing this during this time which is very important to me. He has spoiled it completely
     
  5. sahityaj

    sahityaj Silver IL'ite

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    Ragini
    may be immature. Sometimes i feel may be am thinking too much. But when the situation happens, its really difficult to control ourselves. When i see my baby, i really feel bad but seeing his actions i end up feeling miserable. He shouted on his mother. She is also not happy. He is not calling close relatives for bday becz of small issues between them. So noone is happy right now. He is not interested in parties, bdays, celebrations.
    but this is our baby's bday even now he is behaving like this
     
  6. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Let him (dh) do what he wants.
    Let the baby have his bday!
     
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  7. Denni

    Denni Gold IL'ite

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    I understand how you feel . My DH does exactly the same when we quarrel . He would go into his "hibernation moment" that irks me to the max. He would not answer me when I talk to him....as if I am talking to the wall! Its just his way of saying..."you are wrong or you shouldn't have said that" . I would let him cool down....and it may take a day or two and everything would go back to normal.

    Considering the situation....DS's first birthday, I hope you and your DH would put aside your problem and concentrate on celebrating DS's birthday. Talk to your DH and if apology can coax him out of his silent mode....go ahead and apologise. I know its not fair as you didn't do anything wrong but DS's is much more important and I am sure you don't want to celebrate such happy occasion with DH pulling a long face, right?

    Its normal to have quarrels and arguments in marriages .....I 've had tonnes of them throughout my marriage. I don't analyse who's fault it is as it only makes things worse. I will wait till my DH is calm and will talk to him . If it is my mistake , I don't hesitate to apologise....my DH never admit his mistakes or apologise (typical male attitude) .

    No point of holding grudges in marriage.
     
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  8. sahityaj

    sahityaj Silver IL'ite

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    Denni. The incident happened day before yestday. That day evening, i hugged him said take it light. He said hmmm no response no hugging back. He sd its uneasy for me can you remove your hands. He was leaning on the bed then. I just went away. I asked him to call few relatives as mil is pesturing me. He said i will call my family you think about your family. I just kept silent. Yestday he picked me from parlour. He was silent throughtout the ride. I said its los bday. Atleast now we should be happy . Why dont you forget every thing. He kept mum. I cried then in the car only. In the night , he came to me but i was pissed off and angry, so i said i will go to my moms place.
    It is me who apologises everytime even though not my mistake. He comes to me only when i cry that too a lot of crying. Otherwise he doesnt bother.
     
  9. Jananikrithsan

    Jananikrithsan Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP,
    Not the baby's mistake!
     
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  10. Denni

    Denni Gold IL'ite

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    Next time, don't cry or apologise. IGNORE HIM!...let him be
    If he gives you the silent treatment....don't bother to talk to him....he will come to his senses eventually.
     
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