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Whom to be blamed? Just a case study....

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Tugga, Feb 15, 2012.

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  1. ssm014

    ssm014 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Ladies,
    Just my 2 cents..In case if you see the OP’s Thread history, all you will see is 1 or2 threads every now and then crying and cribbing about how "fanatic her ILS are"; "what a LOOSER her DH is....", "wht a nice MIL her sis has" How much the OP is looking for answers and real guidance is anybody’s guess. Would request you all not to waste your precious time in responding.

    This post in my inbox is in response to a few of us question OP on imposing her religious choices on her family and then cribbing that her IN LAWs are "unfair", "rigid", "fanatic”
     
  2. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    Of course we cant screw up boss, we go per his plan till we know we are getting any benefit out of fit. If we see no hike and no promotion even after working like dog, then no point in sitting silent but to keep our points or career plans or look for job. We do many things just for the sake of boss but we always know what is correct and wrong. I dont know how many ppl will sit silent for long if they are made to do things which they dont like. Very few. We will start look for another. Here giving deaf ears means when boss show all rossy future to keep you motivated to work like idiot dog even after giving low ratings and no promotions.

    Now how to apply this at home to a mom by son- First does he able to realise what is wrong and right when his mom says anything to him, esp against his DIL. If answer is no...till when he listens to his mom? If he is not idiot he should realise soon. So what after he realise that his mom is fueling him against his wife!! He cant throw away his mom. right. Now he cant fight with his mom for his wife. He can make point to his mom telling enough is enough and I can take care of the issues and negative things of my wife. Now if MIL tries fueling again, do you think DS cant give a deaf ear just to maintain peace at home or thinking that this is the habbit of mom and cant be changed. Dont we see so many elderly ladies murmuring all time and she says nobody listen to me. Cant a guy give a deaf ear to his mom thinking she is just having problem with his wife and cant be changed ad cant be followed.
     
  3. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    SSM014, if thats what you got in your inbox..did you try reporting it to the mods... its really bad.

    Omnam, "We will start look for another." ... is the jist of what you also agree to.... I really dint understand the corollary you drew between MIL and Boss. Those who can ignore their MILs and are done with their blabberings alone are slightly better than those who get and overbearing MIL... who make sure that she's the boss of the house.
     
  4. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    ?
    Disgusting ...Ssm have u reported this to the mods ? Please forward the email to the IL_Admin right away.
    May be some one needs to remind her that she is in a plain indian womens forum...dont like it ...LEAVE!!!!
     
  5. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    I think men who have nagging moms eventually do reach a point when they start giving their mothers a deaf ear, but it takes time, sometimes over a decade. The marriage should survive for that long to see this point and this change.
     
  6. bukbuk

    bukbuk Silver IL'ite

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    Haha.. Ssm. Congrats for getting that message from Tugga. I got one too..on similar lines about being a French Indian woman makes it difficult for her to cope with 'plain' Indian mindset and Indian people. I believe I have given some advices that could help her out of her self inflicted cultural depression but not sure it will be taken positively.
     
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  7. ssm014

    ssm014 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Monita

    there is some background for Bukbuk's post...without seeing that i agree it may look rude...

    There were some discussions in another thread..which we were a part of.. mildly put there wer elot of disagrrements...result of which OP has sent nasty messages to some people's inboxes...hence the responses above...

    Where OP has not liked ppl questioning her abt brnading her ILs as "rigid" she has sent personal messages saying that All Indians are rigid like her Indian ILs...the post is deragatory...have posted a small excerpt on top...she says some of the ppl replying to her posts are like her Monstersin laws...and minces no words in calling them names and terms her DH as looser...

    if ppl do not like responses to queries, i guess they have no Business bg on a public forum:hiya
     
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2012
  8. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    When everything is being discussed in open, I don't see the rationale of sending PMs to some members especially the ones who don't see your point at all. However, the argument that she is posting because "she has no serious job to do, has lot of time on her hands, no other hobbies..probably she has got no real life. So let her entertain herself in the virtual world and entertain the posters responding to her threads too. After all, everyone deserves a life don't they, in this case, an anonymous life on the Internet." is even more dubious because then the same should apply to everyone posting on the forums. Shouldn't it?
    She has a serious problem she is seeking solution to, what justification do people replying to her have to be here. Are they just enjoying themselves being rude to others?
     
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  9. silvertulip

    silvertulip Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear, we all are here for some reason or other. As far as posting questions and seeking answers is concerned, we do it as per our wish and none is forcing their views on the person seeking answers. If she wants to take the suggestion she can take but it is wrong to get personal and send nasty messages to members of the forum who reply to her posts. If one doesn't like advice then she shouldn't ask for it and if she asks for it, then she should not behave rude if people don't say thing one wants to listen. Everyone has their own perspective and others are not bound to think like that. If OP cannot listen to others opinions then she shouldn't seek for advice from others. Let her do what she wants in her life, but we all should be there for each other.
     
  10. bukbuk

    bukbuk Silver IL'ite

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    Monita, help me understand these two things:
    A. The woman in question here sends a message to my inbox saying she's French Indian and has trouble coping with Indians and their mindset, you know because she comes from a higher up place - French Indian( ridiculous!) now why was this statement not posted on the forum but sent as a PM, you can either guess or ask her yourself. I can forward the PM to you if you like.
    B. The same woman creates new thread every other day seeking solutions to her 'serious' problems on this forum frequented by Indians (Im I right?). My question is why is she seeking solution from a group of people whom she considers are much lower than her own supreme self? Makes sense?

    Well you find my rebuttal rude but the woman's remark that provoked mine, is exceptionally sugary and polite and even apt perhaps?
     
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