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Who should Bare the Delivery Expenses?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by arch1984, Sep 3, 2015.

  1. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Jaz83,
    Rihanas idea is practical and good. Its ONLY 2015, meaning a lot of transition is happening but transitions take a couple of generations and plenty heartburn. Many of the broad transitions are still new to many strata and communities in india. So the generation gap and even current generation DH it will take a long long time. So, its only 2015, more to go.

    Generations after gen after gen after...have followed certain beliefs and practices (vis a vis gender male female). It will take a couple gen (plus or minus) for any substatial changes. Lotsa peptobismol in meanwhile.
     
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  2. Lavanya30

    Lavanya30 Silver IL'ite

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    Be it India or a Foreign land I strongly feel it's couple who needs to manage the delivery expenses. It's them who is starting family, why would parents or in laws bear the cost. Yeah if they gift them, that would be out of love.

    In my case I had quit my job after I conceived, I stayed at my Mom's place in India during initial days as I could not manage on my own(due to nausea and other issues).
    I traveled to US during my 7th month (after seemantham) ., trust me my husband took care of all the expenses, even during my days in my Mom's place, he would never allow my parents to pay even for a scan. My parents were here for my delivery and he took care of all the expenses.
     
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  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Congratulations Op on the birth of your lovely angel.
    It is unfortunate that such a wonderful occasion was marred by such cheap behavior from the grandparents and your husband.

    On your part,you can demand more respect for your parents. Next time in laws ask your husband to tell you to call your parents to get a scolding from them....tell your husband you will do nothing of that sort. Fight this battle at your home instead of pushing your poor father under the bus. Letting your parents take **** like this is the easier way out.Don't do it.Also convey to in laws that you are upset by their behavior with your father.

    Tell husband you will earn and pay back your parents for the birth of HIS child .

    A big hug to your angel....
     
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  5. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    arch, you conceived after a long struggle. That put enough stress on your marriage. You seem to be from a community where woman's parents still mostly take care of the delivery expenses. You live abroad. You had to and could convince husband that you will pay for parents' tickets. That is one battle won. That was worth winning.

    In such background, why mix up expenses converting to rupees and give scope for a situation where your dad is supposed to give some money to your husband? There are so many ways to convert or transfer currency with least hassle.

    Your aim is not to set right the whole society's problem of girls parents having to bear the delivery expenses. Your only want to avoid your parents having to bear your delivery expenses and their travel tickets.

    Your child is a year old? So this is probably a past matter but still going around in your head?

    Yes, women still face inequality even if they are working. You just fix the little things that are in your control in your marriage using some tact and some avoidance strategies. Keep all financial give-n-take matters between you and your parents, don't involve DH and in-laws. You don't hide from DH, but, don't overly involve him.

    I usually don't suggest "practical solutions" but in a marriage already tested with extended TTC, and a bit old-fashioned in-laws, you need to pick your battles. And let those victories leave you with spirit enough to enjoy them.
     
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  6. paramlav

    paramlav Silver IL'ite

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    It's your baby you people have to bear it where you will get refund.you have to stand reg this .Simply say to your dh. My parents cared for all expenses and i have carried baby. You and your parents don't have any right for baby who cannot afford a penny.
     
  7. Jas8085

    Jas8085 Gold IL'ite

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    Inlaws angry? You need to slowly start tightening things honey. Your husband should stop doing thos mummy-mummy thing and tell them everything. Even if he tells, he must have the courage to stand up for what is right. Is he not ashamed of his mothers extortion techniques?

    You shouldnt have let your father go to inlaws place.

    You are earning. Make your husband return money to your dad - with an apology. if not YOU do it.

    now, coming to MIL. If she raises this topic in future, tell her you dont want to discuss it. She shouldnt have a say in all this AT ALL
     
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  8. seekout

    seekout Silver IL'ite

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    arch1984: I feel very sorry for you dear. How did your in-laws come to know of it?
    Next time onward take care of these things and never let them know about any happenings in your home.
    My MIL is already saying that girl's parents will have to bear the delivery expenses for he first kid. Although i'm not even pregnant now.:idontgetit:
     
  9. teejay

    teejay Gold IL'ite

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    @arch1984,
    You just asked a question very relevant to my current situation. I'm pregnant (conceived after some struggle) and due in the first half of November. I live in Dubai with my husband. I was working in one of the top 3 IT firms in India and had to kiss my job goodbye post marriage. It jobs (especially the technology i was working in) is practically non existent here in Dubai. So I am more or less a home maker now.

    In our community, the delivery expense of the first child is typically borne by the wife's parents.But I am strongly against this and told my husband that we should foot the bill. My parents spent a huge chunk of their money on my education and marriage. I had a great ,high paying job that most people would kill for. I gave that up for my own selfish reasons ( better personal life). Since marriage I have not been helping my parents financially. They, mean-while have extra expense now in the form of my dad's medicines (my dad had a by-pass surgery less than a year ago). I feel its unfair that the girl's parents should pay for a baby that is as much the guy's as it is the girl's.Especially when the guy can afford it and the girl's parents might not. It is a baby that me and my husband planned for. Why should some one else be made to bear the expense of it (even if its in the name of tradition)?

    My husband is totally fine with this decision of mine but my MIL is not. She thinks my parents are taking him for a ride (which i fail to understand how! ). Since I know this whole thing will blow up on my face if i go to my parent's place for delivery, I am staying put here with my husband. Though I miss the emotional support of my mom (she cannot leave my dad and come stay with me), I am convinced that its the right thing to do. Lets see how things go!
     
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  10. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Seriously...what is with these delivery expenses?Why do people show such cheapness about this?It is like they are waiting to show the cheap side of theirs?

    You should ask her if it is okay for the first baby to take the name of your side of the family.

    Also ask her what happen if you fall sick...does the first sickness also belong to parents?

    Cheap people.
     
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