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Who should Bare the Delivery Expenses?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by arch1984, Sep 3, 2015.

  1. arch1984

    arch1984 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi IL's

    this is the que that is always running in my mind these days...if it is in india...there is no doubt that girls go to parents house for delivery and get help, rest and so on...undoubtedly delivery expenses are paid by father as this practice is coming from long time...

    but here who is supposed to bare the expenses...a brief narration about my case...so after much struggle i got conceived...evryone in the family are very happy both my parents and in-laws...then slowly the problems started...when husband booked tickets for my parents to come here and help me with the delivery....(this after a long discussion with my hubby ...about who should bare the travel tickets..for which i said..as i was working..i am going to pay for the tickets and finally he agreed)...we booked the tickets on husband's credit card...and somehow my inlaws came to know...started all d drama...my delivery is done..my parents left from here after 2 months...my dad was supposed to giv some money (ocoz he cant take the whole expenses converted into rupees) to my husband for which my husband refused saying he dont deal wid money and my dad is supposed to giv to his parents....meanwhile my in-laws were very angry...and asked my husband to tell my parents to go to my in laws house..through me...and my dad did...after a long blame game...u dint do this u dint do that to my dad...finally my dad agreed to pay....

    now friends did anyone face this situation...how did u deal with this...when me and my husband decided to grow our family..and i give birth to a baby with their family name...why the hell shud girls parents bare the delivery expenses..when will this change.....??????
     
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  2. Vennella

    Vennella Gold IL'ite

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    I am really sorry to hear this. Feel sorry for your dad that he had to take this blame. Since it is us who are having the baby, it would be us who will bear the delivery expenses. Yes, it is right that you paid for their tickets since they were coming to help you guys. You are working, so theh might have taken care of the baby while you are away. They actually saved you daycare/nanny costs.

    Just tell your parents to ignore all these rants. Seriously, some people still live in some medieval times.
     
  3. preesmiles

    preesmiles Silver IL'ite

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    It will change when women put their foot down and don't allow these things to happen. It's your child and your husband's, you guys pay for the hospital expenses period. Your parents or your in laws have no need to come into this. Since your parents were coming during the delivery to help you out, it's a courtesy that the two of you bear the travel expenses.
    Before i gave birth to my son a year ago, my husband and I planned and saved up money for the medical expenses. I wont let my parents pay even if they offered. Ironically when my baby was born, my in laws gifted an amount to my husband saying it was for my delivery!
    I feel bad for your dad that he was made to go through this and I would have been steaming mad at my husband if he behaved that way with my parents.
     
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  4. VanithaSudhir

    VanithaSudhir Platinum IL'ite

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    Since you are working, you could claim the delivery expenses right. Even your spouse can claim. Why would your father bear the expenses ?
     
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  5. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    You and your husband pay for anyone who comes here to help and even if it is in India .

    why should they dent thier savings if you choose to have your baby in foreign land .

    On top of it , you are working , there should have been no discussion , you should have taken care if all he bills and sent them back with gifts .

    gifts for the grand child is a different matter , they can give based on their ability. Please return back all the money they paid , if some one asks just say you are bearing the expenses with your hard earned money .

    even in India now a days these expenses are taken are by the insurance which employers provide .
     
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  6. brahan

    brahan Platinum IL'ite

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    Even if the delivery was in India, these days the new parents claim insurance and get back every penny spent. In this case at this old age how would your parents cough up so much money for travel? The retirement savings are the only funds they have.

    If your Inlaws keep saying the same, Just tell them that you claimed the amount from insurance and so no one had to really pay.
     
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  7. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    I have never heard of this custom. The ones creating the baby should be the ones paying for it.
    Unless a family is very wealthy it is hard for older parents to pay for tickets to the U.S. Since you are both working it is right to help your parents/ in-laws with the air fare. Your husband and your in-laws behaved very badly towards your parents.
     
  8. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Practical solution used by some friends for delivery related travel and even general travel to USA expenses of woman's parents:

    The couple pay, but it is presented to the man's parents that the woman's parents are paying.

    In some cases, the woman has "black money" saved up and gives it to her parents without DH knowing.
     
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  9. Jazmine83

    Jazmine83 Gold IL'ite

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    oh dear god..this in 2015..

    I just got my sudden jolt to the plight of many indian women..

    Are indian in-laws this mean? I too had a MIL..she was nothing like anything mentioned in this forum..

    Now with my future MIL...I am bracing myself for the impact..she has already asked me to leave the wedding jewellery in her locker!!!..I sweetly told her I will be wearing all the jewels in US and I need them for my dance and such.

    No amount of reading this forum is going to prepare me enough. Everyday this forum amuses me. And today..this!!! Dear god...please give me the strength and patience to deal with PIL like this

    sorry OP..just a vent since I am in a state of shock.
     
  10. docathome

    docathome Gold IL'ite

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    Pls dont allow ur parents to be insulted like this. It's high time women themselves started respecting their parents. This is your n ur husbands child n nobody else should be making decisions regarding your delivery. When you r earning, why do you need to tell your dad to pay. First speak to your husband and tell him this is not right you won't allow it..once he is convinced, its half the battle of won. Let your ur husband talk to his parents bout it.. If you start accepting these unreasonable demands, they will only increase and your parents wil be the only ones affected..

    If your husband doesn't even want to pay for the the tickets, tel him only ul both wil have to manage n ask him if he is willing to share the work.. Else the only other option is to request your parents to come.. So selfish!
     
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