Who is right? Who is wrong?

skyisthelimit,

I am a little confused if you are in india, expecting a better job abroad or if you abroad looking for a better placement.

Now coming back to the question, who is right , who is wrong is definitely not going to help you. Do you believe if we were all going to say you are right, your husband is wrong, would help you or make you feel better..then you are mistaken, because you would not need our suggestions if that was what you wanted.

you have come to this forum, asking for opinions..so be prepared to take it with a pinch of salt.

ok, small stones, or small problems are there in every family. if you think why me, yours will look too huge, just pray for a better solution, that will make you look at it in a better way.. no i am not preaching something that i have not faced..as long as you believe there is a solution to the problem, it is a problem, and if you believe it does not have a solution then it was not a problem in the first instance.

Coming to both your behaviours...

both of you have behaved badly..maybe you have your reason of being on the end of your tolerance and being on depression medication..and you husband being tensed how to go on sailing a smooth life with the high cost of living for the notice period before he gets a lump sum.

AGreed he will get a lumpsum amount, but you never know the expenses that crop up before you receive a check.so he is right in being worried..though he could have gone in a sweet manner.

and knowing he is worried, you need not have started you eat in the canteen..comeon yaar, does he not have a right to eat, just because he has resigned...

it does not work that way.if you feel you are going to keep each others movements/actions under the microscope waiting to find faults, it is high time you sit and talk what is disturbing you.

I believe you need to talk about your insecurities about his leaving the job. he needs to talk about his fear of getting the next placement, and also how to work out the finances.

I am not sure if you enrolled in a class (I assume that needed money) before or after you knew he is resigning. if it was before, then it is a great move ahead to look at a better future interms of getting yourself equipped..if it was after, maybe he really feels that you could wait until he got a better job..i sincerely hope you have discussed all the issues of going to the classes beforehand.

Skythelimit, yes men tend to be a little careless and occupied, that is when we are around, but the same men are the best fathers for the kids when you are not around. you cannot judge him saying he will not be doing a good job of cooking and taking care of the kid..if he says he can, why not give him a chance..the child is his too and he must be caring for him too.

I agree he should not have abused you physically.. but I assume that he has been led to believe that only when he starts hitting you you will stop..(now this is just an observations based on what you have written..)

Sometimes, when one of the spouse is angry, the other needs to listen. give some time to our-self, think before talking at least in times like when both of you are stressed, angered, frustrated, if not you tend to loose your control over yourself and the situation.

Coming to your child, i strongly object to the scenes like the ones you had on the bike, kicking the bike, and you jumping..thank gods for small mercies where you were not hurt. now when you discuss, tell your husband that he is a responsible father and he needs to understand that there is something more than providing the roof, meals. he needs to be a better role model and that his kid is observing him and will revert to hitting, throwing things, and breaking things to prove his point.

the same goes to you, you want your husband to wake up. you could have gone to him, and very pleasingly said, today being my first day at class after many years, i would love to go and visit the temple as a family, and take your wishes and attend class. i need you to help me..sometimes, we tend to sleep deep early morning, if you have been having troubles..and sleep eludes you. you never know. btw, god helps and is there even if you think of him at home and leave with a lot of peace of mind and a family that wishes you all the best and have a nice day ahead..(just imagine if your husband and kid were standing at the door step waving their hands and smiling and cheering..does it not feel great)

There are ways to achieve things..you are going at it the wrong way is what i feel. you can get things done sweetly. And remember you need to fight the issues and not the person. you are fighting the husband where you need to fight the issues that are troubling you both. List out your priorties, your ways, your means and then act, but with mutual understanding, support and sometimes compromises..Remember, all this will be a bonding time, and you will be proud of yourself later when you succeed and move ahead in life..

hope you take it positively and not get irritated..

 

Dear STL,

Both are right from your POV regarding the argument. Here the culprit is not you who was spending on stickers nor he who wants to cut down the expenses. The main problem is the lack of steady flow of income. He losing his job is a blow to his ego. Till he lands a job, you will see many such episodes if you are not careful. You mentioned that you tolerated a lot, right? Tolerate a little more till he lands a job. Then you can tell him that you will take a fixed amount every month for household and your expenses and he should not probe into every penny. Till then, show some restraint. If not for your peace, atleast for your son. Can you imagine how he would have felt when you guys were fighting on the road?

Regarding the wrong part, both are wrong in reacting that way. But as i said it is more due the situation you are in than anything else.

If your husband is also reading this, my advice to both of you: Stick together during tough times. Both of you need support during such times. Why not be each other's support instead of blaming each other? Dont create a deadlock by waiting for other person to make the first move. Each of you take a small step towards each other. Once you start, you will find it much easier to understand the other person.

 

Hi,

I just went through all the posts and frankly, all the ladies here have covered all the points, leaving nothing for me to say!

Always believe in God and may the best come to you and your family. Please make sure your kid is not affected by this in any way. A bad childhood is the worst thing the parents can give to their children. :hide: