Who is responsible for my happiness and sorrows? Is that not me??

YES, Its not any outside factor which makes me happy or sad. That's me. I decide to be upset, hence I am unhappy and I decide to be happy, hence I am happy. Nobody else can make me happy or unhappy other than me.

I realised this strange but often said truth now. When something irritates me (eg: IL's behaviour or trying to hurt me) I get irritated or hurted and I decide to sulk and stay unhappy. Instead I tried this way, when they hurt me, I ignore it (not easy, I chant OHM NAMO NARYANA), sit quiet, don't overthink/think about the thing which hurted me, realise I shouldn't expect everyone to treat me like a queen and leave it.

Another way is being self dependent. Earlier if DH doesn't help me with household chores or taking care of kid, i get angry, i sulk with him and shout at him. Now I ask him softly to help me(with love no ordering). if he doesn't I just take care of te kid for somemore time and ask him again if he is free. THe second time he s coming for help .. I realised all things can be achieved with love.

Where there is no love there is no happiness. With inlaws: I stopped speaking with him on SEP completely. I don't think about him(good or bad). But i don't stop DH or DS spending time with them. When DH gets angry with me (not all the time, whenever influenced by IL's) and forces me to speak with them, I say him calmly, it gives me less pain by not speaking with them rather than speaking. So please understand me. I have only 2 people to speak with in this house that is you and our DS. If you still want to hurt me, do that, I can't speak with them. . . .

I am happy this way. I have no guilt. I don't hurt anyone. I have no vengeance in my heart, no evils in my mind. I don't harm anyone. I am just minding my business and doing my best

But whenever DH forces me to speak with his parents, I just feel like why he is not understanding my pain. If I don't speak with them problems are comparitively lesser. What do i do. He says the more time i don't speak with his parents, the more evil they all are turning against me. He also says they will change only with my love. But I can't show any love on those people. They have killed me to that extent.

 

Hi Priyanka,

DH gets upset because they are his parents. IN my case my IL's never care even if i don't speak with them, they don't even think about me either or worry even if i die. When i stopped speaking(just to make them realise their mistakes), I used to feel bad, DH told me don't think my parents willrealise their mistakes or worry if u don't speak with them. Only thing they do they turn more devilish by treating me badly and spreading rumors about me among their relatives and influence my DH against me and extract more money from him.

But I don't care dear. Now my mindset is if DH asks me to speak with them again i will smile and speak just for him, only if i feel like speaking(or for my peace indirectly). because my IL's mean nothing to me. They are no way related to me. So I don't care about how they treat me.

Similarly if your DH is forcing you to speak with them, simply speak, if you feel like speaking . But don't bend too much. Say him strictly not to force you on anything.

See someday he will realise everything. Till that time stay patiently. I am damn sure that if i stay calm and don't fight with DH, someday he will realise how devilish his parents are and how they influence him and how much I suffered(no sufferings any more).

Whenever I happen to see my Il's I just see them as some human beings (no enemity). Yesterday our main gate was locked from inside and i was knocking it for a long time. All IL's were there, but no one bothered me. Then I went to the neighboring house and jumped over the compound wall and went to my house.

I didn't feel bad for this. Because that is their nature. Snakes bites, its their behaviour. Likewise my IL's are so. Its up to me whether to cry and weep on what they do or just ignore it and stay happy.

Regarding DH, I don't start any topics about this to him. Even if he starts I smile and reply patiently. If he goes beyond limits I divert the topic.

As you say there were nights where I had not slept even a second .

But I wonder why the IL's want to spoil the DIL's life while if it is a Son IN Law, he will be treated like a prince however he be.