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Who Is It At Fault ? Unhappy Married Life

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Neetu2323, Apr 16, 2018.

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  1. Neetu2323

    Neetu2323 Senior IL'ite

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    I dont know.. my husband is a mammas boy i think.. I was young when I married .. now I realise shes mentally torturing me..


    my husband cant find anything wrong in the way his parents treat me. I think I should stand for myself .. why should I adjust when what they are doing is wrong?

    Till now i never said anything against but since its increasing i am thinking if what to do next. I shave some self respect..
     
  2. Neetu2323

    Neetu2323 Senior IL'ite

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    My husband doesnt think I am family to him.
    He thinks its boring to spend time with me.
    I had to marry early as my parents scared me saying my astrological time is before 22 or I would have to marry after 29.
    I dint even get my Egnrng degree certificate in hand when I married.

    Them not having self respect I dont know. They see me like I brought good dowry and good status to the family. While I have lost marrying into this family. My parents werent to happy with this alliance but the were scared to take the tension to make me stay unmarried with astrology issue plus I am very tall for a girl.

    My mother in law boasts about how she never worked , her tiny ancestral home, her husband working and home she kept her house neat and clean . There is nothing to boast about but she keeps on saying all this and assumes that I work because I dont have money in my family and that her son (my husband) is not capable like his dad.

    She tries compare my dads ancestral property with the ones she has and say My family had a lot. When in truth she noes nuthing about my ancestral property .
    She teaches me to use stuff , when I have used it in my family since generations. I just keep mum when she says all these. Thinking she might change. She can never accept that I cook, work and maintain home in a good way.

    I think my husband is a mammas boy.
    Hes scared of his mom. He is scared of taking me out because his mom will ask why are you wasting money. MIL wants me to tell her what i do with my money. She wont let me spend my money. I started working only an year ago. In the starting as I an staying abroad I wanted a maid to help me. As a newly wed i knew nothing. She told me I canr call a part time maid because I am not working.
     
  3. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Gold IL'ite

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    I sympathize with you, I would hate being married to such a husband/family as well. freedom to be yourself and a partner who lets you be is very important to some people like me, likewise you as well. You are young , you shouldn't spend the rest of your life unhappy. Start considering separation as a option , either it will jolt your husband and make him mend his ways and bring you closer or else you will actually find peace away from this marriage .
     
  4. EverydayBloom

    EverydayBloom Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    I dont know why you are comparing apples with Oranges (read ILs Vs Parents), its been 4yrs you are married, you should have understood by now! Leave ILs nature, show off, their sickness and all aside, how is your relationship with your DH, do you see future with him and not, self answer and move ahead!

    Good luck.
     
  5. Neetu2323

    Neetu2323 Senior IL'ite

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    I see almost everyone around me treat their IL equal to parents. Even my parents said one day that my IL are more important them . I just celebrated my 3rd Anniversary and I find all of my cousins and friends being very close with their IL.

    My husband is not very close with me.
    He says he loves me but he lies to me, prefers his mom over me. Says its boring to be with me .. like we cant talk for more than 1mnt wdt either irritating eachother or fighting.
     
  6. Neetu2323

    Neetu2323 Senior IL'ite

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    If I divorce him my MIL will be happy. She is the main reason of my unhappiness. How can I bring my husband closer to me?
    I wish I could give her a dosage of her own medicine.
     
  7. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    What kind of comparison is that 'mom vs wife'? If you ask any normal human, the response will be 'I like my mom, she is the best person in the world'? It is the typical response.

    If you cannot even carry a normal conversion with each other shows that, the problem is serious and underlying issue is somewhere else? Think about making some changes /routine in life --

    1) Your DH is not your entertainer. Find some hobby to occupy your spare time and divert your attention away from him. It may ease your mind, you will be more relaxed.
    2) Your Parents seem to know their limitations and educating you in the right direction. It is a good thing.
    3) Stop comparing your parents and ILs. Your ILs will be different / your MIL seems to boost herself, what she had accomplished in her life span of say, 25-30 years. Happy woman, good for her. She is showing you, her happiness comes from running the household, maintaining the happy family.
    4) Try to find some common interest in life...like movies, temple visit, eating out, spending time with other friends etc There must be something that will connect both of your interests.

    Common mistake many young girls make by thinking that marriage will change their world, it will be a non stop entertainment, and swept off their feet by the 'new guy'.

    He is another individual (just like you) worked 20+ years in school to reach this level in life! Getting used to his 9-5 job, meeting timeline at work and trying to adjust with everyone in their day today life!

    Lower your expectation in life! Instead of passing a judgement on him, try to change yourself to adjust with his life style.

    It's one life to live and enjoy with what you have, instead of looking for an alternate option.
     
    GeetaKashyap, Zxcv, Rampuri9 and 4 others like this.
  8. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Then ur parents aren't as modern as u would like to believe :)
     
    Amica, Zxcv, pinkgal and 8 others like this.
  9. Neetu2323

    Neetu2323 Senior IL'ite

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    Must be .. but they encouraged me to do my masters as well as join for work. Not very modern but more forward than my in laws .
    I had to fight a lot with my husband even though I had applied for it before marriage and was managing home as well.
     
  10. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    Op : Did you spend time getting to know your husband before deciding to get married or even before the wedding?
    If not , why not?
    If yes, How long? Did you not notice any of these before? Did he hide them? Was he open to you before?

    I mean not Q & A like : YOu : is your mother modern , H : yes.

    Noticing actual behaviour is more important than what they 'say'
    Because no one is going to say we are self-centered narrow minded bunch
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2018
    sindmani and Sandycandy like this.
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